


Learning To Feel (When You've Forgotten How)

by thegirlwiththeprettybrowneyes



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Actual Sports For Once, Copious Amounts Of Ice Cream, F/F, Family, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Let Andrew Emote 2k18, Let Him Laugh And Tell Jokes And Be Happy, M/M, Therapy, twinyards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-05-07 00:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 42,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwiththeprettybrowneyes/pseuds/thegirlwiththeprettybrowneyes
Summary: On the night before his first day of therapy at Easthaven, Andrew blows out his legs and decides he isn't going to bury his feelings anymore, consequences be damned. In return, he gets a schedule change, and a very strange new therapist.///////"Doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you," Andrew finished, looking anywhere but at Neil's face.Neil looked like he had just realized the sky was blue. "You like me,"Andrew sighed. "Yeah," he said, resigned "Yeah, Neil, I like you,"///////No Proust AU





	1. Chapter 1

Andrew was lying on his bed in Easthaven, utterly gutted. He had lost everything he had in him. There was just nothing left to give. He didn't know what was worse, the drugs or the withdrawal. His chest ached to be _high high high_ and his throat was raw from laughing and vomiting and screaming.

He wanted a drink. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry.

_Why not?_ Asked Bee’s voice in Andrew's head. Andrew considered. Why not just cry, or laugh? What harm could come from emoting now? Here? He wanted to, he realized. Andrew wanted to feel things.

And there was the problem. Andrew wanted to feel things. That was not part of the plan.

Andrew considered. There were two ways forward now. Feel his emotions fully and put his ability to protect his property in jeopardy, or focus on protection and put his emotions in their boxes.

The question was which one he prioritized more, himself of his promises. Himself or his property. Himself or his family.

Andrew pushed himself out of bed and started to do his daily work out. He didn't particularly care about staying in shape, but it would make Kevin angry, and as fun as that was, disappointing Kevin meant disappointing Neil, and Andrew didn't know if he wanted to do that.

Andrew considered.

Push ups. Being angry again. Andrew missed being angry.

Sit ups. Getting distracted by emotions and screwing up a promise.

Jumping jacks. Figuring out what he felt for Neil, if anything.

Lifting the small nightstand by his bed. Letting Kevin get hurt, or worse.

Running in place. Being happy. Andrew stopped running.

There it was. The grand reason for Andrew’s new consideration. He wanted to be happy. It was a little bit stupid actually. He couldn’t believe that this was what was possibly endangering his family. This stupid little desire to be happy. It was selfish. What right did he have to be happy? With all that he had done? All that had been done to him? Yet still, he wanted it. Didn’t everyone want to be happy? What shame could be felt in wanting to enjoy what was around him?

Andrew used to be happy, right?

Andrew started running again, not in place this time, in aimless little circles. Running from his thoughts, from the questions that he didn’t want to ask himself. They ran with him. He wasn’t Kevin, he wasn’t Neil, they had spent their time learning how to not see what was there in front of them, Andrew had spent his learning to see it as clearly as possible.

The question was his priorities. Which was more important, his feelings or his family? Andrew considered.  What was more important? His family, end of story. So why did it feel like the consideration wasn’t over?

Andrew ran himself ragged, so he could focus on the patter of his feet, the labored quality of his breathing, the pain in his chest, the weakness his body had grown so sickeningly used to, so he could focus on making himself better. Every moment he was focused on being stronger was a moment he was not focusing on silly things like how happy he was.

Andrew didn’t realize how weak he had become until he collapsed. Andrew tried to get back up, but his legs refused to cooperate. He kicked his legs out and tried to get up. He could move his legs, but there was no strength behind them.he tried to stand until it became clear that there was no other option. He would have to claw his way over to his bed.

It was a painstakingly slow process. An exercise in futility. It took a lifetime to roll over. He could call a nurse or a doctor, but he didn’t know if he could come back from someone seeing him in this state. Andrew was reminded of Neil. Firing shot after shot at Andrew until his arms went so limp that he couldn’t hold a racquet. Andrew wanted to laugh. They had both been bested by their inability to stop.

How long had Andrew been this? When did Andrew become _this_? A junkie who wanted nothing but to be in control of himself again. An idiot on the floor clawing his way back to an uncomfortable bed. A scared boy who couldn’t admit that he wanted to be happy.

He spent half an hour trying to get back into his bed. He lay, again sprawled out on his lumpy mattress. He wanted to cry. He wanted to laugh. He wanted a drink.

He wanted his drugs.

This was an occurrence that could never happen again. He couldn’t keep living like this.

Andrew considered.

If what came from ignoring what he felt was this, then he wasn’t ignoring what he felt anymore. Andrew had decided, and unless something came around to make him change his mind, it was a permanent decision.

An hour later, when Andrew had burrowed deep into his blankets and a copy of The Great Gatsby that he had found in the small Easthaven library, and his heart had started beating in his legs, he heard a knock on the door, followed by the turn of the doorknob. It was a nurse, coming to approve his schedule for tomorrow.

The nurse was a kind, motherly looking women. Not that Andrew trusted her, he had had his run-ins with kind, motherly looking women.

“Hey there, sweetie,” She said, smiling at him. She looked at a small clipboard through glasses that were perched on the edge of her nose. “Minyard comma Andrew?”. Andrew nodded confirmation. “Your first day of therapy is tomorrow,” She obviously wanted Andrew to respond, but it wasn’t a question. “You excited?”. Was Andrew excited? A little bit.

“A little bit,” Andrew replied resolutely.

The nurse, Jan, her name tag said, smiled warmly at him. She checked her clipboard “All right, Andrew, it looks like tomorrow you have Doctors Smith, Goldfarb, Slosky and- no, that can’t be right,”

“What?” Andrew asked.

“Well it says here that you have Doctor Proust, but that’s ridiculous, he’s not the usual therapist we give to people in your case, he specializes in re-enactment therapy. You’d be better with Doctor Scott. I'll mark it down on your sheet,” She scribbled it in on the clipboard “Sorry about that, imagine how terrible it would have been if I hadn’t caught that!”

Andrew didn’t know exactly what reenactment therapy was, but he could imagine, so he said “Thank you,”

“It’s no problem, here’s your schedule for tomorrow, darling, have you eaten yet?” Andrew looked away as she placed his schedule on his nightstand and shook his head. “I’ll have someone bring you some food later,”

Andrew nodded and (groaning in his head) tried to smile at the woman. The woman smiled back and said “don’t hurt yourself, sweetheart.”

A lesser man would have blushed.

* * *

After lunch and three extremely boring therapy sessions Andrew was ready to labor through his last one, and go to the library. He lumbered through the hall on his weak, aching legs to room 115b for his session with Doctor Scott.

_Fuck this_ , Andrew thought to himself, _fuck this so hard._

He really, _really_ wanted some drugs.

The room numbers got higher as he walked by. 112, 113, 114, 115a, until he heard something strange. Music?

Andrew looked into the window of 115b at a woman, not much older than him, dancing to loud punk rock. Headbanging, jumping around, twisting, mouthing the words with a happy, frenetic energy. She looked utterly carefree, a woman of the wind. Andrew at once wanted to feel as free as she did, and as controlled as she wasn’t.

Andrew had to knock a few times before the woman heard him. She looked at him, embarrassed, and scrambled to turn the music off, and Andrew checked his schedule to make sure this was the right room.

“Um, hi,” The woman said, opening the door. “Can I help you?”

“Are you Doctor Scott?”Andrew asked.

The woman looked over him and eyed him with suspicion “Who’s asking?”

“Ah, I see, they tried to give you Proust?” Andrew nodded confirmation “Scheduling accident, it happens, yeah, I’m Doctor Wilhelmina Scott, you could just call me Will, or Mina, I like Will better. Come on in,” The woman talked quickly, like an auctioneer as she ushered Andrew welcomingly into the room. “I thought no one would be by for this time block, as you could see by the, um,” the woman gestured aimlessly “dancing,”

“Do you usually spend your breaks dancing,” Andrew asked flatly, mind still caught up in the carefree movements.

“No it just felt like that kind of day,” Will said, nervously combing her hair back with her fingers.

Andrew looked her up and down, she was wearing a black turtleneck and dark skinny jeans, the darkness was offset by her bright blue lipstick and dyed platinum blonde curls, Andrew saw her Easthaven lab coat on the couch inside the room.. She looked like the kind of person that danced around her office just because she wanted to. “Uh huh,”

“I can feel your enthusiasm drifting off you in waves, have a seat, let’s get started,”

* * *

 

Andrew wasn’t going to engage. He would sit across from Doctor Scott and give monosyllabic answers until he was released. No matter how ‘fun’ she tried to be.

He walked down the hall, and he heard shouting coming from 115b. One voice was Doctor Scott’s, the other belonged to an old man wearing a doctor’s lab coat.

“He’s my patient,” Said the old man petulantly. Andrew already didn’t like him.

“He was referred to me, William,” Said Dr. Scott

“A judgement error by a foolish nurse, she will be dealt with as well,” The old man’s face contorted with hate.

“Hey, don’t talk about Jan like that, she’s been working here forever, and she knows what she’s doing,” Dr. Scott looked indignant on Jan’s behalf.

“Ms. Scott-” The old man began.

“ _Dr_. Scott,” She corrected.

“He is my patient, and I will not have you and your insolence take him from me,” The old man repeated.

“In his case, Dr. Proust, re-enactment therapy would only set him back! If I can be frank, it’s an outdated branch of therapy that should have been discredited years ago,” Ah, so this was the famous Doctor Proust. Jan had made the right call, if you asked Andrew.

“No matter your thoughts on my profession, Ms. Scott, Andrew Minyard is my patient,” Proust was beginning to sound like a broken record.

“So you keep saying,” Dr. Scott crossed her arms “What is this about, hmm? Why are you so adamant on treating him?” Dr. Proust looked caught off guard.

“Ms. Scott, I have a great deal of respect for you, so I must advise you to keep your nose out of places where it doesn’t belong,” proust was terrible at redirecting. Scott’s question had him rattled.

“Do you always talk like a cartoon supervillain? And let’s not pretend like you respect me. I am a queer, black woman, and you have a problem with all three of those things. But this is a place of work, so I ask that you remain professional. Can you tell me why Andrew minyard is your patient. Try and give me a reason besides ‘I really, really want him to be’,” As Dr. Scott talked, she led Proust to the door. He said nothing as he spluttered, looking for a justification “That’s what I thought. Unless you can give me an excellent reason why he shouldn’t be, Andrew Minyard is my patient,” Proust looked like he had just swallowed a lemon covered in spikes.

Dr. Scott opened the door and all but pushed Proust out. “Speak of the devil! Hey Andrew, have a seat, I’ll be with you in a sec,” Andrew walked in and plopped down on the couch. Doctor Scott had gotten him out of a bad situation, which, much to Andrew’s chagrin, meant he was beholden to Doctor Scott, which meant he had to listen to her. Fuck.

Dr. Scott winked at Andrew and called back at Proust in the hallway “Oh, and William?” Proust looked back at her with revulsion. “It’s _Doctor_ Scott,”

Over the next few weeks, Andrew settled into a routine, breakfast, Smith, Goldfarb, Slosky, lunch, free time, Scott, library, workout, shower, dinner, sleep, rinse and repeat.

As much as Andrew hated to admit it, sessions with Doctor Scott were slowly becoming the highlight of his day. He didn't understand why he liked her. He knew plenty of people like her and they seemed flighty to him. Frivolous and stupid. So why didn't he think she was?

He brought this concern up to her and she nodded her head, considering.

“Hm, I'm not sure, maybe it's because I don't try and make assumptions for you?” Andrew nodded at this and gestured for her to continue. “Well I mean, you go up to any other person and go ‘I don't usually like people like you, so why do I like you?’ they usually just assume you're being a dick,”

“That language doesn't seem very professional of you,” Andrew commented.

“Shh, that's why you like me,”

“I thought I liked you because you didn't make assumptions,”

Will smiled “The reasons for liking me, my friend, are endless,” Andrew rolled his eyes and Will smiled wider. “There you go! You’re emoting!”

Andrew sighed. “You get way too excited over me rolling my eyes,”

“Well, can you blame me? Before, you were all,” Will’s face went blank “Beep boop, are you Doctor Scott? Boopity Boop Beep Boop, I’m not going to talk for our first three sessions, I’ll just have staring contests with my therapist. Beep Beep Boop. Let me only answer in one word replies for the six sessions after that. Beep Boop. Let me not engage until. Boop Boop Boooooop,”

“Was that supposed to be a robot me?” Andrew asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry, was that over the line?” Dr. Scott asked

“No, it’s just that it was outdated, robots don’t go ‘Beep Boop’ anymore. That’s so Star Wars,” Andrew said. _This is fine. This is not making yourself vulnerable, this is just a conversation. This is just making a joke in a conversation_. “It would be more like ‘are you Doctor Scott?’” Andrew punctuated his passable Siri impression with a sheepish half-smile.

Will giggled “And he’s funny too!” Andrew didn’t know what to say to that. “You’re allowed to make jokes you know,”

“Jokes are useless tools for people who are eager to please, I don’t need people to like me for me to keep my promises,” Andrew said matter-of-factly.

“There are so many sad things about what you just said,” Will sighed. “One, jokes are for everybody, because they’re jokes. They’re meant to make people laugh, so they’re important. Two, having people like you doesn’t hurt, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and all that,” Andrew rolled his eyes again. “Okay, I’m happy that you’re using your body language to show how you feel, but I would appreciate if you heard me out, okay?”

“Fine,” Andrew huffed.

“Thank you,” Will opened her mouth, and then closed it, confused. “Where was I?”

“Number three, I think,”

“Oh, right. Three, there’s more to life than keeping  promises,”

“You sound like Bee,” Andrew sighed.

“Good, there are a lot of people in the world that are worse to be compared to than Betsy Dobson,” WIll crossed her arms.

“Look, I keep my promises, end of discussion,” Andrew wanted to move the conversation back to robot voices.

Will put her hands up in a placating motion. “And I’m not saying you don’t, but are promises really all you want from life?”

“Look, my promises haven’t killed me, and they’re not going to,” Andrew.

“We really need to raise your standards for your life above ‘not dead’” Will said, shaking her head. There was a pause before Will cleared her throat and changed the subject. “So um, the time of day when we have our sessions is that really awkward time of day when it’s too early to have dinner, but too far from lunch, so we get hungry, so I was thinking I could smuggle in some snacks.”

“I’m listening,” Andrew replied.

“How do you feel about ice cream?”

And Andrew smiled, Andrew really smiled.

* * *

 

“So let me get this straight,” Will said through a mouthful of Raspberry Ripple.

“You can’t get anything straight,” Andrew interrupted over his pint of chocolate chip cookie dough “Ba dum tsh,”

“Hardee har,” Will said, pointing her spoon at him “So he just like, went off on Riko? Like, in front of everyone? Even after the whole television debacle?”

“The idiot has a death wish, I’m telling you,” Andrew rolled his eyes “He texted me to say happy New Year,”

“Wait, so if he’s such a pain, why are you smiling?”

Andrew stopped smiling “What? No I’m not,”

Will raised a suspicious eyebrow “Yes you were, why?”

“It’s good ice cream,” Andrew said.

“It’s the same kind you had last week, and besides, it wasn’t that type of smile, I haven’t seen this one before, it’s kind of the smile you get when you talk about Nicky and Aaron but-,” Will gasped “Oh my god you like him!”

“What? No I don’t!” Andrew denied it way too quickly. Will’s eyes widened.

“You do! You totally like him! You like Neil Josten! You like like him!” Will teased childishly.

“Geez, Will, what is this, kindergarten?” Andrew said, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

“So you admit it! You liiiiike him,” Will did a smug little dance in her seat

“I hate him,” Andrew said, reigning in his emotions. He was getting better at letting them out, but this was a little too much for his case.

“If you say so,” Will said skeptically.

“I do,”

“All right,” Will said, still unconvinced

“Will,” Andrew said solemnly “I don’t want to like him, okay? I can’t like him, not right now,”

Will’s brow furrowed “That’s where you’re wrong, bucko. Come on, doesn’t he make you happy?”

“He makes me want to kill him, that’s what he does,” Andrew said.

“Deniiiiallll,” Will sang out “We can figure out your feelings for Neil later, it’s segue time, speaking of things that make you happy, I’ve got an assignment for you,”

“What is it?”

“I want you to make a list of little objects that make you happy, favorite-things style,”

“Favorite things style?”

“You know, _raindrop on roses and whiskers on kittens_ ,” Will sang. She could not sing. “Stupid little arbitrary things that make you happy,”

“That’s dumb,” Andrew said

“Too bad,” Will replied.

* * *

 

Andrew looked down at the blank piece of paper in frustration. How did he not know what made him happy? There had to be something.

_What makes you happy?_ Andrew asked himself. He let himself forget everything and he let his mind wander, the rest of the world fell away. _Milk that comes in glass bottles_ , he thought, _really good apricot jam_ . Suddenly thoughts of small things that provided Andrew with a little bit of joy started to flood in. _The feeling of freshly ironed clothes, the smell of old books, gum that tasted so strongly of mint that his nose felt cold when he breathed in_. Suddenly the blank paper was full and Andrew understood why Will had made him do this.

Happiness wasn’t really as hard as Andrew thought.

* * *

 

“Last day,” Will said.

“Last day,” Andrew repeated.

There was a long silence, filled only by the ticking of the clock on the wall. It stretched out, long and heavy, until Andrew couldn’t help but say something.

Both he and Dr. Scott started to say something at the same time but then stopped when the other began to speak.

“You go first,” Andrew felt the need to say, he wouldn’t have said it before he met Will.

“No, you, I insist,” Will said softly.

Andrew closed his eyes and breathed out, it wasn’t easy for him to say this. “I’m-,” he stopped. “I-,” he couldn’t do it.

“It’s okay, Andrew, take your time,” Will said.

Andrew took a deep breath. “I’m going to miss you,”

Will teared up and let out a laugh. Had Andrew said something wrong?

“What? What did I say?” Andrew asked.

“No, no, I’m not laughing at you Andrew, it’s just,” Will sniffled a little bit and sighed out a smile “I was going to say the same thing,”

Andrew’s eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t think he was capable of being missed. He felt a smile spread slowly across his face.

“You know, just because I’m not going to be your therapist anymore, doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend,” said Will, scribbling something down on a piece of paper. “My cell number, so you can call me when you want to talk,”

Andrew grabbed the paper and tucked it in his pocket, he nodded.

Another silence stretched out, more comfortable than last time, but uncomfortable all the same.

“Okay,” Will said “Screw this, you know what,” She tapped a few buttons on her phone and some music started playing out of a small speaker. “Today is a dancing day, get up,”

It was the best last day Andrew could have asked for.

“No, I’m serious, Andrew was a model patient,” Andrew heard Will telling someone around the corner.

“Sure he was,” Came Aaron’s bitter voice. “I’m sure he also has the singing voice of and angel,”

“I don’t know about that, but I’m sure he could with enough practice,” Will said, Andrew felt himself rolling his eyes.

“Careful not to choke on all your optimism, Will, I sing as well as a rock can swim” Andrew said.

Will smiled in his direction. Andrew felt himself looking over each of the people in the waiting room in turn. Aaron, Nicky, Kevin, until his eyes fell on Neil, looking like he had been beat to hell and back, they all seemed surprised he was looking at them. Andrew didn’t care, he was more focused on what had happened to Neil.

“What happened to your face?” Andrew asked.

“I’ll tell you later,” Neil answered. Typical. He probably needed time to come up with a convincing lie.

“Don’t bother,” Andrew “Nicky can tell me when we get back,”

“So commanding,” Will teased.

“Shut up,” Andrew teased back.

“It’s not going to be the same around here without you,” Will said.

“Sure it will, just keep ice cream in your office and gossip with the wall about the other wall,” Andrew suggested.

“Not a bad idea,” Will smiled, and then looked sad “Hey, would it be okay if I hugged you goodbye?”

Andrew shrugged “Yeah, why not?”

And so they hugged for two seconds and broke apart immediately.

“No,” Andrew said.

“No way,” Will agreed. “Let’s never do that again, see you if you’re ever in Columbia again?”

“See you then,” Andrew nodded.

“I have another patient in a few minutes,” Will said.

“Go, I’ll see you around,” Andrew assured her.

“You’d better,” Will said, and then she was gone. Andrew turned and the waiting room was looking at him like he was an alien.

He didn’t care. He was halfway across the building by the time they had gotten out of their chairs.

Andrew Minyard was back.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Andrew did when he got in the car was turn the music up loud enough to drown out everyone else. Just because he could answer anyone's questions doesn't mean he wanted to.

Neil, Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin filed in. Andrew tapped his hands on the steering wheel to the beat as he pulled out of the Easthaven parking lot to the road to Palmetto.

Kevin reached for the volume dial to turn the music down. Andrew looked at him and Kevin's hand shrunk back.  _ My car, my music, bitch _ said Will’s voice in his head. Andrew pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. This wasn't Easthaven anymore, he couldn't smile as much as he wanted to.

When they were halfway there, he saw Neil reach up to massage his temples. Andrew sighed and turned the radio down. Nicky took this as an invitation to ask questions.

“Andrew, are you okay?” Nicky asked.

Andrew didn't understand the question. He was stable, he was neutral, but what qualified being okay? “What do you mean?” Andrew asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

“I mean, you're just... you're acting different,” Nicky stumbled for an answer.

“Did you think I would go back to being an emotionless robot after rehab?” Andrew said, turning the car. He was trying very hard to keep his eyes on the road and only the road.

Nicky looked stupefied. Like he hadn't even realized that Andrew might be different from Nicky’s preconceived notions. It hurt a little, but Andrew supposed he had brought it upon himself. It took seconds to create a perception, it took much longer to change one.

“No, I guess not,” Nicky said, leaning back in his seat. “Huh,” the corners of his mouth surprisingly began to turn up. Nicky was… happy about this? Andrew didn't think he would be, but he was. Was that good? Andrew looked at the wondrous smile spreading slowly across Nicky’s face. Yes. This was a good thing.

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?” Aaron asked bitterly. Ah, Andrew's dear brother had always been slow. 

“I don't know Aaron, I guess I'm just happy,” Nicky said, looking at the back of Andrew's seat with… actually, what was that dumb expression on his face? Was that… was that pride? Nevermind, this was a bad thing, this was a very bad thing.

Andrew turned the dial to a radio station playing palatable music.

Neil was looking up at the front of the car with a curious expression. The expression stayed on his stupid messed-up face all the way back to Palmetto. Neil filed out of the car with everyone else but then turned and got something through Andrew's still-open door. Andrew shifted closer to see what it was. His obsessive fan-journal, figures. 

Neil turned back, and Andrew realized that if Neil stood, they would be in uncomfortably close proximity to each other. Andrew would have moved back, but Neil stood up before he could and then Andrew was caught up in a swirl of newly-auburn hair and a rabbit-fast heartbeat thudding against his ribs. Andrew wasn't sure who it belonged to. And it wasn't a familiar feeling, Andrew objectively knew it wasn't familiar, but it felt like Neil was returning to the place where he fit best.

This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be angry at Neil.

He looked down at Neil’s bruised face and thought that maybe Neil felt as at home there as Andrew did. 

“You look like shit,” Andrew said, softer than he meant to.

“You don't look much better,” Neil replied. “Why is your face all red?”

“It's hot out,”

Neil raised an eyebrow. “It's the middle of January.

“Easthaven had weird air conditioning,” Andrew said “You're an idiot” he quickly stepped back and looked at Nicky “You stay. The rest go,”

Andrew and Nicky watched the motley crew of broken people Andrew had chosen to protect as they disappeared into the building.

“Kevin's face. Explain,”

* * *

 

Andrew was smoking on the roof. It wasn't as bad if he didn't look over the edge. 

Why did he ever start doing this? This was a terrible idea! What kind of dramatic-ass idiot decided that the best way to break through a drug-addled haze was confronting his worst fear? 

Still, tradition was tradition, and the rush of fear he got every time or looked over the edge was strangely comforting. Andrew didn't know, maybe facing his fear was a good idea. Maybe he could become a pilot and really stick it to his psyche.

The door opened to the roof. Neil. Andrew was in the middle of a moral dilemma. He needed more information 

“I'll take an explanation now,”

"You couldn't ask for answers inside where it's warm?" Neil asked.

"If you are worried about dying of exposure you're a little late." Andrew raised a hand to Neil's face but stopped with his fingers just a breath from Neil's skin before putting his hand down. What was he doing? “Besides, it's basically sweltering out here anyway,” Andrew walked over to the edge of the roof. “Did I break my promise or were you keeping yours?"

"Neither," Neil said.

Andrew felt a spike of anger. Surely Neil could be more creative than that. “I know you have had ample time in my absence to come up with your precious lies, but remember I gave you a truth on credit in November. It is your turn in our game and you will not lie to me."

"Neither," Neil said again. Neil looked as if he was steeling himself as he walked to face Andrew "I spent Christmas in Evermore."

Andrew was reaching up and pulling off the bandage near Neil's eye before he knew what was happening. The stark four on his face stared at Andrew and sent a wave of revulsion through his body.

"This is a new low for even you," Andrew said.

"I'm not wearing it by choice."

Oh sure he wasn't. "You chose to go to Evermore."

"I came back."

"Riko let you go," Andrew corrected him. "We are doing too well this year and your feud is too public. No one would have believed you willingly transferred to Edgar Allan mid-season." Andrew placed the bandage back on Neil's face gently. He meant it as an apology for ripping it off, but his traitorous fingers lingered at the edges of Neil's face. “You were supposed to be protecting Kevin,”

“I did. I just didn't stick to his side like you do,” Neil was confrontational to a fault. Andrew dropped his hand and looked off the edge of the building.

Why did you go,” Andrew knew it was probably because Riko had threatened Kevin.

"Riko said if I didn't, Dr. Proust would— I don't know. Riko said Easthaven's Dr. Proust used ‘therapeutic reenactments’ to help his patients.”

“It didn't work,” Andrew said. 

Neil's face fell like a stone. “Proust-”

“Proust did nothing. A nurse saw something wrong and changed my schedule, but no doubt Riko would have let Proust do what he wanted, regardless of whether or not you went to the nest,” Andrew wanted to hit something. "Do not make the mistake of thinking I need your protection."

"I had to try. If I had the chance to stop it but did nothing, how could I face you again? How could I live with myself?"

"Your crumbling psyche is your problem, not mine," Andrew said. "I said I would keep you alive this year. You make it infinitely more difficult for me when you actively try to get yourself killed."

"You spend all this time watching our backs," Neil said. "Who's watching yours? Don't say you are, because you and I both know you take shit care of yourself."

“Maybe I used to,” Andrew agreed “but times are changing, next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?"

"If it means losing you, then no," Neil said.

"I hate you," Andrew said. He tried to be casual, but he couldn't look Neil in the eye. He took a last long drag from his cigarette and flicked it off the roof. He watched it fall. It was less afraid than him. "You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs." He took a shaky inhale. 

"I'm not a hallucination," Neil said, looking every bit the opposite. Andrew wanted to turn away, but he just couldn't stop looking at Neil.

"You are a pipe dream," Andrew said, and how true it was. "Go inside and leave me alone."

"You still have my keys," Neil reminded him. Andrew took his car keys off the ring, then tossed the key ring off the roof.

“Fetch,” Andrew said.

He watched as Neil climbed down the stairs and retrieved his key ring. Andrew looked down at Neil. It looked like he had something to say, but instead, he bent down and took a smug drag from Andrew's still-burning cigarette. 

What. The. Fuck.

* * *

 

Andrew received his first text from Will on his way home from class.

**Guess im gonna have 2 text 1st because ur still an antisocial p.o.s. ;p**

**Ive got a therapist assignment 4 u**

Andrew sent back a short reply.

I thought you weren’t my therapist anymore

**Umm no?**

**Ur my buddy 4 life now?**

**I do this with all my buddies**

**Ur my friend now**

**So u get friend assignments**

What’s the difference between a friend assignment and a patient assignment.

**One is 4 friends and one is 4 ptients**

**Patience**

**Patients autocorrect hates me**

So basically, you’re still just being my therapist, but now you’re not getting paid?

**So cynical**

**> :<**

**Thats u**

**Ur a sideways grumpy face because ur so cynical**

Regardless of whether or not I'm a sideways grumpy face, you're still not my therapist

**Btitch**

**Imma fite u**

**Ill probly die but ill do it**

**If ur gonna be like that then don't think of it as an assignment its more like a mental health challenge**

So an assignment then

**WOULD YOU LET ME SAY MY THING**

You keep separating your texts, just write one long text message.

**Btitch**

**Double texting is how I express my erratic style of speaking fuk u**

**So the assignment**

**I mean challenge**

**U gotta make/have dinner with somebody**

What

Why

**WHOS DOUBLE TEXTING NOW HO**

**And because food is the human way of connection, everybody likes food**

**Plus no better place to have meaningful conversations than a dining table**

You know I live on a college campus, right?

**Figure somthin out**

**You don't haaaave to do it**

**As you keep saying I'm not ur therapist**

And with that, Andrew was trapped. Will had challenged him by allowing him to decide not to do it. And Andrew couldn't resist a challenge.

I hate you

I'll do it

**Haha!!!! Victory!!!!!**

Andrew closed the conversation on his phone. 

He flipped to the phone app and called Nicky.

“Andrew? Are you all right?” Nicky asked. It made Andrew a little bit angry at himself that Nicky believed that the only way Andrew would call was if he was in trouble

“Yeah Nicky, I'm fine, I was just calling to ask if you wanted to do family dinner?” Andrew didn't know why he felt so nervous asking. Family dinners used to be something that Nicky did to try to get Andrew and Aaron to bond.

“What?”

“Yeah Nicky, I'm fine, I was just calling to ask if you wanted to do family dinner?” Andrew repeated.

“Wha- no Andrew, I wasn’t asking what you said, I was asking why you said it,” Nicky said through the phone. “I thought you thought family dinners were stupid and forced,”

“I did. But I'm seeing a lot of things differently now. maybe we could try it again,” Then a thought struck Andrew “One condition though,” 

“What is it,”

“Aaron can't come,”

Nicky gave a surprised laugh “The whole point of family dinner is for you and Aaron to bond, and have dinner as a family,”

“Well you're my family, and I want to have dinner with you,” Andrew said, it seemed reasonable to him.

Nicky was silent for a full minute. Andrew began to worry that he had hung up.

“Nicky, are you still there?”

“yeah... y-yeah Andrew, I'm here,”

“Did I say something wrong?”

Nicky huffed a bit of air through the phone. “No, you're fine. Same rules as always for tonight?” Rules were something that Andrew added early on to make family dinners more like a game, to keep it interesting. 

Rule one: the recipe that they made had to be something that they came up with on the spot. When Nicky was taking cooking classes at the local community college, it used to help keep him on his toes.

Rule two: at any point during the cooking of the meal, someone could yell “switch” and everyone cooking would have to take on the task of the other one. It made sure that everyone got to season the dish to their liking, and add any “secret ingredients” that they didn't want the others to know about (that was mostly Nicky trying to sneak veggies into the twins dinner). That one was more fun when there were more people, but they would have to make do.

Rule three: there was one spot in the kitchen where no one was allowed to step foot. If they did, then the rest of the cooks in the kitchen got to ask them a question that they had to answer truthfully. The object of the game was to yell “switch” when another cook was near the no-go zone, so that they got stuck having to answer a question.

“I'll provide the booze if you provide the location?” now that Nicky was a culinary major, he knew where the good student kitchens were. More importantly, he had the key.

“Done, see you later!” Nicky chirped. Andrew hung up because Nicky had a habit of staying on the line.

It had gone easier than Andrew thought it would.

* * *

 

Unfortunately, actually getting to the kitchen didn't go as well. It took Andrew a while to find it with Nicky’s strange directions (what did “turn right at the weird tree” even mean?), and when he actually got there, he was surprised to find Kevin standing alongside Nicky.

“What is he doing here?” Andrew asked.

Nicky launched into a stream of apologies and explanations “I’m sorry Andrew, I tried to get him to stop following me, but he heard we were playing some sort of game,”

“I'm great at games!” Kevin interjected.

“and then I accidentally let it slip that it was a cooking game,” Nicky tried to re-commandeer the conversation.

“Your diets are terrible,” Kevin added.

“ _ Thank you Kevin _ , now would you let me finish?” Kevin nodded. “So he kept hounding me to show him where I was going, and then he threatened to make me do give as many drills as everyone else tomorrow at practice so I just showed him where the kitchen was and I'm so sorry,”

Andrew sighed. “It's fine, Nicky”

“What? Really? I thought you said the condition was no other people allowed,” Nicky said, confused.

Andrew waved a hand in the air. “Technically, the condition was no Aaron, you didn't break anything,” Andrew shrugged.

“Oh yeah. Yeah!” Nicky brightened up. He fiddled for a key in his pocket. 

“I brought vodka, but also gas station wine,” Andrew said “In case we didn’t feel like getting entirely inebriated the day before the first practice after break,” 

“Good thinking,” Nicky said, unlocking the door “That works out pretty well, considering how much Kevin drinks,”

Kevin was already going for the bag in Andrew’s hand. Andrew pulled it away from him. Kevin tried again to get the vodka before he realized that Andrew was doing it on purpose.

“Come on, Andrew, just give me the bottle,” Kevin ordered.

“I don’t feel like it,” Andrew had recently realized that protecting Kevin might also imply protecting him from himself. Which unfortunately meant that Andrew was going to have to start monitoring his alcohol intake.

“God, Andrew, stop being so difficult,” Kevin said, grabbing the wrist that was holding the bag. Andrew had a knife on him in a second. Kevin let go of Andrew’s wrist like it had burned him.

“Kevin, I don’t know why I have to remind you, but your face is fucked up right now,” Andrew’s tone of voice shifted, so it sounded like he was talking to a small child who didn’t know any better. “Now, I don’t know if you know,” Andrew said, trailing the knife up from Kevin’s stomach to his chest “but alcohol is bad for you.

“Andrew, it’s

So when your body is focused on getting this,” Andrew held up the bag of alcohol. “Flushed out, it isn’t as focused on healing this,” Andrew pressed the flat edge of his knife up against the purple skin of Kevin’s bruised face, not hard enough to cause any new damage, but hard enough to hurt. “So you’re not going to drink anything today, okay?”  Kevin gulped and nodded. Andrew smiled and sheathed his knife. “Good. Let’s get cooking!”

* * *

 

“Andrew, what are you adding to the butter?” Nicky asked, stirring some sort of cheese sauce.

“Garlic and parsley like you said,” Andrew said.

“Only that much?” Nicky asked. 

“I can add more,” Andrew suggested.

“Only add more garlic, Kevin is going to add a shit ton of parsley when we switch, accounting for it being the only green thing there,”

“I heard that,” Kevin said.

“Good, you’re listening, what seasoning did you add to the soup?”

“Um, some salt,” Kevin said.

“Uh-huh,” Nicky said, expecting more. There was a long pause. “And that’s it?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said sheepishly, it was probably the first time that Andrew had heard him be anything but confident when he was sober. “Was I supposed to add anything else?”

Nicky shook his head in disappointment “You white boys don’t know how to season your food. Switch!” Nicky called, moving around the island in the middle of the kitchen to avoid the no-go zone.  Kevin, being close to it, leapt over the zone like a gazelle to Andrew’s spot. “Show off,” Nicky muttered to Andrew as he squeezed by.

Kevin predictably added a small bunch of parsley to the butter and began to spread it on thin slices of bread that Andrew had cut. “So how did you know where this place was,” he asked Nicky.

“How did I- Jesus Kevin, I’m majoring in Culinary Arts, how do you not know this?”

“Oh,” Kevin said, going a little red. “I guess it just never came up,”

“Bullshit, I know you’re a History Major,”

Andrew chimed in “Yeah, that’s because when he’s not talking about exy, he’s talking about some stupid documentary he watched, not because you asked,”

Nicky fell silent. “I guess we don’t really know each other that well, huh?” he sounded sad.

Andrew didn’t really care about making other people happy. He didn’t. But there was something about the face that Nicky made when he was sad that just made Andrew want to make him feel better.

“I mean, we have time,right?” Andrew said. Nicky looked up at him and gave him that proud smile that Andrew was learning to appreciate.

“Switch,” said Kevin suddenly, ruining the moment. Andrew reluctantly moved to where Nicky had been stirring the sauce, the pasta looked dry enough to add to the sauce so he did. 

Then Nicky said “Switch!” out of malice. 

Kevin retorted with a “Switch” as soon as they got to their places.

Nicky replied with yet another switch, and then Kevin and then Nicky, then Andrew because he didn’t want to be left out. Suddenly they were just running around the room, yelling “Switch!” at random, with no regard for the food on the stoves ore in the oven. Andrew felt like he was a kid playing a game of tag. Just running around in carefree circles.

The last time he had done this, he was weak from withdrawal and alone. Now he was high on laughter and flying around a kitchen playing Family Dinner. Andrew wanted to bottle this feeling.

Until Kevin, Andrew, and Nicky all found themselves accidentally jammed together in the no-go zone.

“Well fuck,”  Nicky declared. “Come on, let’s actually get to cooking again, we’ve got some garlic bread and mac and cheese to put in the oven, and some properly seasoned soup to eat,”

“Salt is a perfectly good seasoning!” Kevin whined, giving the soup a final stir. “I don’t see why you couldn’t have just left it as is,”

“Oh, small, sweet child,” Nicky said, patting Kevin (who was taller than him) on the head.”You have much to learn,”

“He can learn later,” Andrew said, brushing past the touching scene. “I’m hungry,”

* * *

 

They had moved to their dorm room to eat. Aaron was out studying, so it was basically just Andrew, Kevin, Nicky, and the food they made

“Okay, so my question for Andrew is,” Kevin said “What are you majoring in?”

“Oh come on, Kevin, really?”

Kevin pointed his spoon at Nicky “I wasn’t asking you,” he moved the spoon so it pointed to Andrew. “I was asking him,”

“Criminology,” Andrew said, shrugging.

“It’s a waste of time, preparing for another career. You could make cou-” Kevin started. Andrew stood, leaned across the table, and mashed his hand against Kevin’s mouth.

“Shhh,” Andrew said “No exy, we’re actually having a good time right now,”

“And what was your question for me?” Nicky asked.

“What…” Kevin stalled “Is your favorite color?”

“Aw, what?” Nicky asked “Boooo, wimpy questions,”

“Whatever, don’t answer, I’m going to go to bed.,” Kevin stood and left.

“Okay, Andrew, my question for you is,” Nicky paused dramatically “Are you dating anyone?”

“What?” Andrew asked. This was not where Andrew expected the conversation to go, especially since it was Nicky and- actually this was exactly where he expected the conversation to go.

“You heard me! Are you dating anyone? Renee? That therapist from Easthaven? She’s pretty, right? We all saw that hug,”

Andrew wanted to laugh.“Who, Will? Ew, no, Nicky,”

“Okay, then Renee, then?”

“No, Nicky, I’m not dating anyone, least of all Renee,”

“Why not? She’s nice,and she’s smart, and you’re already great friends, so-,”

“I’m gay, Nicky,”Andrew said before he could think. He looked down, realizing what he had just said. Oh god. He had just come out to Nicky. 

“Oh!” was all Nicky said.

Andrew was freaking out. Nicky would probably be fine with it, but maybe, for some reason, he wouldn’t. And Andrew still wasn’t ready for him to know yet, but now he did, and Andrew couldn’t take that back. And everything was spinning and he shouldn’t have drank any wine and-

“Hey!” Nicky said, snapping Andrew out of it “Take a deep breath, okay? You’re fine, it’s all good. Obviously, I’m cool with it, and I like, love and accept you and all that jazz, because duh,” Nicky paused and then started talking again, rapid fire “and thanks for telling me, because I know coming out is hard. Wow. This is just so unexpected, I mean, my Gaydar is good, but not  _ that _ good, Jesus. This all makes so much sense! It’s all coming together now! That’s why you-”

As Nicky talked, the buzzing thoughts in Andrew’s head built up until Andrew though he would burst. Will’s voice cut through the others. _ A good way to get others to understand how you feel would be to actually, you know, tell them how you feel. _

“Nicky,” Andrew interrupted. “I’m kind of having a little bit of a nervous breakdown, so if you could just calm down and be quiet for a second, that would be great,”

“Right, right,” Nicky said. “Shutting up,” 

Andrew took deep breaths until his thoughts calmed down a little bit. There was a long silence that passed as both parties processed the information.

Nicky broke it. “You know I love you no matter what, right, Andrew?” He looked at Andrew like he needed Andrew to know more than anything else.

Andrew looked at the ceiling and steeled himself. “Yeah I-,” Andrew closed his eyes tight, took a deep breath, and looked Nicky in the eyes “I love you too, Nicky,”

It seemed to Andrew like Nicky’s smile just then could power a city for ten years.


	3. Chapter 3

Andrew was in a dark hallway looking for the light switch. Every time he thought he’d found it, it would just be a shadow, playing tricks on him.

Suddenly, a hand closed around his wrist.

Andrew turned, whip-quick to see who it was, it was Neil, with his black hair and brown eyes.

“Oh,” Andrew said “it’s just you,”

Neil smiled, slow and cunning, his hand drifted down to Andrew’s hand, clasped it, and gave a comforting squeeze.

“Where are we?” Andrew asked “What’s happening?”

Neil gave Andrew a knowing look and began to pull him gently down the hallway.

“Where are we going?” Andrew asked. 

Neil kept walking, and Andrew kept following.

They suddenly came to the end of the hallway, where a simple wooden door waited. Neil opened it and let go of Andrew’s hand to go inside. As soon as he crossed the threshold, his hair went red, and his eyes went blue. He was radiant. He lifted a finger to beckon Andrew closer. Andrew went with no hesitation.

Neil and Andrew were suddenly so close that Andrew could feel Neil’s soft, hot breath on his cheeks.

Neil’s long, slender fingers curled around Andrew’s jaw and then under his chin.

“Yes or no?” Neil breathed.

“Yes,” Andrew whispered.

And Neil pulled him into a kiss.

Andrew had kissed people before, he was no stranger to lips, but this… the fire of this kiss burned so hot and bright, that the others felt like tiny matches. Andrew had heard people say that kisses sometimes felt like fireworks, and he used to think he understood. But comparing this kiss to those felt like comparing sparklers to popping candy. 

Neil’s hands trailed from his face to loop around his neck as the kiss changed from new and electric to soft, almost lazy. Like kissing Andrew was the most natural thing that Neil had ever done. Seconds turned to minutes turned to hours turned to centuries and Neil was content to just kiss Andrew. No strings attached. Andrew didn’t have to do anything else if he didn’t want to.

And all Andrew wanted to do was kiss Neil for hours like it was a junior high make-out session.

It felt like an eternity had passed when Andrew pulled up for air. Neil chased his lips, eyes still closed, smile playing on the edges of his kiss-bruised mouth. 

“I love you,” Neil said softly. And Andrew felt the sun rising around him. Except it wasn’t around him, it was inside him. The sun was rising inside of Andrew, because Neil Josten was here and he was real and he loved Andrew Minyard.

Then Neil opened his eyes and recoiled. The expression on his face changed from shock to betrayal to disgust to hatred. 

Andrew turned to find an mirror, and he knew what was supposed to be in front of him, his own face.

What was looking at him instead was the face of Drake Spear.

Andrew woke up and shot up in his bed, hyperventilating. He looked around. It was the middle of the night. The clock above his bed said 1:30 in the morning. Andrew turned so his legs dangled off the bed, and he held his face in his hands.

“Fuck” he whispered to himself as he calmed down. “Fuck,"

* * *

Andrew and Nicky were supposed to pick Neil up to go to their first practice. Andrew had been silent all morning and he knew it was making Nicky worry. He didn’t want Nicky to worry, but he also knew Nicky wasn’t wrong when he thought there was something to worry about. Andrew was shaken up.

And to make matters worse, Andrew couldn’t find Neil. He had told Andrew where to pick him up, and Andrew had shown up to find that Neil had failed to show up. He had been looking for Neil for half an hour before he began to get worried.

_ Come on, where are you? _

Nicky had sent him a list of Neil’s usual haunts, last on the list was the library computer lab. Neil had better have been there, or Andrew would rain hell upon him. 

What if he had run away? Andre climbed up the library steps faster. What if it was Andrew’s fault?  Andrew pumped forward on his legs. What if seeing Andrew act so differently had made him less confident in Andrew’s ability to protect him? Andrew turned a corner so hard, he almost hit a wall. What if Andrew had spooked him at their last conversation? Andrew was running now. What if-

He found Neil asleep at a computer, the time limit had long since run out so Andrew couldn’t see what he had been looking at.

He turned his head sideways to look at Neil’s face. Finally calm. His mouth slightly agape. Damned runner couldn’t even close his mouth in his sleep. Andrew sucked in a breath as he remembered those lips on his in his dream. It had been nice until… Andrew shook his head. _ I hope your dreams are more pleasant than mine, little runner. _ In a moment of indulgence, Andrew ever so softly reached out to play with the soft little auburn hairs growing at the back of Neil’s scalp by his neck.

He changed his mind halfway through and grabbed the back of Neil’s neck instead. Blue eyes flew open and Neil flailed turning wildly, Andrew bent slightly so that Neil could see his face and Neil calmed down.

“Is your learning curve a horizontal line?” Andrew asked, and to his chagrin, it sounded worried and angry. Like he actually cared. “I told you to stop making my life difficult,” Andrew let go of Neil.

“And I told you I wouldn’t promise anything,” Neil’s voice was still groggy from sleep and Andrew’s heartstrings were unreasonably affected.

Andrew had to let Neil know he was angry. “I waited for you for half an hour,”

Neil looked confused “What, why would you care?”

“Do I really have to spell it out for you, moron?” Andrew ran a hand through his hair and felt his face go warm. “I was worried about you, okay?”

Neil looked at Andrew like he had just told Neil that his name was Paul and he was moving to Vienna.

“Come on, junkie, we have to go to practice,”

* * *

As Andrew pulled into the parking lot, he saw Coach Wymack walk out onto the lot and he sighed.

“Get out,” He told Neil when they parked. Neil complied silently.

Andrew steeled himself in the car and checked  his phone to pass the time. No new notifications. Damn it. He got out of the car.

“Hi Coach,” Andrew said, trying his best to smile and probably failing miserably.

“Hello midget,” Wymack said, not being as cordial.

There was a long awkward pause.

“Okay, you know what, screw this, Nicky asked me to be polite, but I don’t think I can be, what the fuck is going on? Are you all right?” Wymack looked him up and down for signs of injury.

“What? Why wouldn’t I be? What’s going on here?”

Wymack looked at Andrew like he was an idiot. “Are you kidding me? The last time I saw you, you were drugged out of your mind after what had to have been the worst experience of your life! And Neil told be that he went to Edgar Allen for you, so you must have been in some sort of danger. And here you are smiling and acting like everything’s all right!”

Andrew was surprised. Logically, he knew that coach cared. He just didn’t think that coach cared this much. “Well a lot has changed since then. I’m off the drugs, I’m mentally sound, I’m not going to go off killing anyone, and I can play, which I’m sure Kevin will be happy about. Anything else is way above your paygrade,” Andrew replied. He thought the conversation was over, so he tried to leave.

Coach moved to block him. “Like hell it’s above my paygrade! No matter how much you don’t want me to, I care about your well being god damn it, and if you’re hurt in any way, physically or mentally, then I-,”

“I’m not, Coach”

“Good, now once more, with feeling,”

Andrew scoffed “Coach, I’m not hurt,”

“Cool, now make me believe it,”

“Look at me! I’m not hurt!”

“Say it like you mean it,” Coach continued, Andrew didn’t know what Coach was trying to do. It was clear to Andrew that coach knew he was all right, so he must have been prodding for a different reaction. An outburst? More information?

“I’m fine,”

Coach raised an eyebrow. “I don’t recall your name being Neil Josten,”

Andrew huffed in annoyance “Gee, coach, what do you want me to say? I went to Easthaven, I talked through all the trauma, I’m okay. In fact, I’m better than okay, I’m actually really good! I’m better than I have been since I was seven fucking years old! I can wake up in the mornings and tell people that I’ve slept well! I don’t want anything! I have conversations without giggling my ass off every time there’s so much as an opportunity to! I talk to Nicky now! If anything can prove that I’m doing good, it’s that I talk to Nicky,”

“All right,” Coach said.

“All right?” Andrew asked.

“All right,”  Coach confirmed. “You’re doing good, now get inside for the meeting,” then he turned and walked off the court and Andrew wondered how it was that he understood Wymack even less than when he was on his meds.

* * *

Andrew hadn’t decided what to do about Matt, but he wasn’t going to just let him walk away after having hurt Kevin, but he also thought that Kevin had probably deserved it. Matt had also paid Aaron’s bail, which meant that Andrew was indebted to him.

There was also the matter of reparations. By all accounts, what Andrew had done to Matt Boyd had been cruel at best and unforgivable at worst. 

So, if Andrew was thinking about it in pre-thanksgiving-Andrew  terms, Andrew had the right to skewer Matt ten times through, and if he was thinking about it in new-and-improved-Andrew terms, then Matt had the right to punch Kevin as many times as he wanted. But Andrew was also supposed to be protecting Kevin.

Priorities were difficult when you were supposed to have feelings about things.

When he got to the locker room, Matt was talking to Dan about Neil, he was talking about what he would do to Riko if he ever saw him gain, while Kevin, bruised by Matt’s hand, sat in the corner trying very hard not to tell Matt that if he did what he was describing, then they wouldn’t be able to face him on court. 

The one thing that was obvious was how much Neil’s current state was affecting everyone.

“I swear to god, I get my hands on him, he’s going down the most painful way possible,” Matt said darkly

“Boyd. I’m quaking. Practically trembling in fear, at what your limited imagination can conjure up as a painful way to go down.” Andrew said blankly. “Would you come talk to me outside?”

Matt looked around as if there was anyone else named Boyd in the room. Then he stood to go talk to Andrew in the hallway

“I’m sure you can guess what this is about?” Andrew said. Professional. Businessike.

“Well, if I look at it optimistically-” Boyd tried.

“I’m not an optimist,” Andrew interjected.

Boyd sighed and ran a hand over his hair. “Me punching Kevin right? Just get it over with,”

Andrew quirked an eyebrow “Get what over with?”

“You’re gonna hit me back right? Or threaten me? Cut me? I know I’m not gonna get off scot free, and you pulled me out into the hallway so that no one could interfere, right?” Matt closed his eyes and opened his arms in a sort of just-do-it-already gesture

Andrew sighed and chuckled. Well, Matt knew what he had done wrong, and he was ready to accept punishment for it, so why bother? “Put your arms down Boyd, I’m not going to hurt you,”

Matt cracked an eye open “You’re not?”

“Well, you know what you did. And there is the matter of Aaron’s bail. It would be a lot harder to protect him if he had landed himself in jail,” Andrew said out loud “So I owed you.”

Boyd was confused now “Wow, you really are different. I thought Aaron was kidding!”

“My brother is a lot of things, but he isn’t one for practical jokes. At least, I don’t think so,” Andrew said, cracking his knuckles. “Hey, tell everybody I , threatened you with a knife or something, would you? I’ve got my dark and scary reputation to uphold,”

Matt let a surprised laugh escape his mouth. “Yeah, you got it,” 

Andrew laughed too. They started back towards the locker room. “Oh, and Matt?”

“Hmm?” Matt replied.

“My debts are repaid. Touch anyone under my protection again, and you’ll be in a lot more trouble than you are now, are we clear?” Andrew let his face go blank. Just because he was trying to mend bonds with others didn’t mean it was okay for people to mess with people under his protection. His promises were still a high priority.

Matt looked sufficiently unnerved. Andrew sent him a reassuring smile and waved him off. It seemed like he had gotten the message. Neil left the examination room and lowered himself into a chair. It was obvious the idiot was in pain. He looked so agonized that Andrew felt a spike of pain go through his own chest.

Dan opened her mouth to say something and Andrew watched her to hear what she would say. Dan looked at Andrew and whatever she saw in his look was enough to quiet her.  A spark of understanding passed through her face and Andrew fought the urge to ask her what she understood about him. Because he didn’t.

Renee was sitting in another chair across from Neil. She also turned her face to face Andrew. "Hello, Andrew," Renee said.

Andrew sent her a two-fingered salute. A pleased smile curved Renee's lips and she gave a slight nod.

Abby walked in a moment later and hesitated with her purse half-slung over her shoulder. She looked from Dan's contemplative silence to Matt's tight stace and confused expression. She turned a strange look on Andrew.

"Andrew," she said. "Welcome back. It hasn't been the same without you." Andrew gave her a complicated half-smile and a shrug.

“Merry Christmas,” Was all he said back.

Abby smiled "Thank you, Andrew,” She leveled a look at the rest of the foxes. “The food should be ready by the time I get there. I'll be right back, okay? Try to behave while I'm gone."

"Thanks," Dan said.

Abby flicked one last look at Andrew and left. The door had barely banged closed behind her before Wymack strode in. Trying to figure out Andrew or Neil? Wymack quirked a brow at Neil and Andrew. Perhaps both. Andrew moved to sit next to Neil.

Wymack looked around. Surveying the aftermath. "Allison was just here. Where did she go?"

"She went to see the championship banners," Neil said.

"She'll come back when she's done crying," Nicky added.

"She's not crying," Neil said.

Nicky grinned. "Five bucks says she is."

Neil’s eyes flashed like matches. "Don't you dare bet on someone's grief." The edge in his voice was barely concealed. It sent a shiver down Andrew’s spine.

"Oh, hey, hey." Nicky put his hands up in self-defense. "No harm intended, right? No offense. I was trying to lighten the mood." He looked at Andrew for defense, and while Andrew had no attachment to Allison, he had to let Nicky know that what he had just said wasn’t okay. He shook his head slightly and Nicky deflated.

"Lighten your chair and go check on her," Wymack said. "We've got a lot to go over today and I can't start until she's back. She'll be angrier at us if we start without her than she will be if you interrupt her. And yes, I mean you, Hemmick. I don't want Neil moving more than he has to."

"I can walk," Neil said. Andrew barely held in a scoff. Limp maybe.

"Proud of you," Wymack said. "Didn't ask."

Nicky hoisted himself out of his chair and left. He shot Andrew a glare as he left, Andrew very maturely stuck his tongue out at him. He turned his attention to Neil, who was bristling indignantly.

Andrew dug a fingernail into the hollow of Neil's throat. Part trying to get Neil’s attention, part trying to see if he was real. Neil turned to face Andrew and batted his hand away. Andrew willingly obeyed his non-verbal request.

"Sit down and be still." Andrew needed a distraction from the purpled skin of the sharp-tongued boy next to him. He slipped a knife out of his armband and began twirling it around his hands. He felt eyes on him, but he didn’t want to acknowledge them, so he stopped the knife’s circular adventure and leveled a glare at Kevin who very quickly pretended to not be watching him. 

He addressed Neil without looking at him "It is not that fascinating," 

"No," Neil agreed.

"It's just..." Andrew looked up at Neil’s pause. "I've never understood why he likes knives."

His words sent Andrew’s mind to Renee who had slipped into Natalie. Andrew looked at Natalie and willed Renee back.  _ Renee doesn’t want you here. _

“He will lose his taste when he has one in his gut," Andrew said. Partly to Neil, partly to Renee. Natalie lifted her chin and Andrew quirked a brow. Renee took Natalie’s place and Andrew gave her a slight nod. Matt was looking at them like that interaction has confirmed their undying love for each other and was not-so-subtly gesturing for Dan to look at them. Aaron was looking for any concrete proof. It seemed someone was going to make another play at getting a cheerleader back. And soon.

Allison and Nicky returned and Coach began to explain what the strategy was. Andrew turned his attention towards remembering a song he had heard on the radio on this exact day last year. He had rearranged the lyrics in his head to create new songs about seven times when the sound of arguing broke him out of his stupor.

"But—"

"Give me a 'Yes, Coach'."

"Coach—"

Neil was arguing about  being able to play and Andrew poked a finger into his rib. Neil doubled over.

Andrew looked at Neil, unimpressed, and said “You’re not playing” Neil shot a dark look at Andrew. Andrew remained unimpressed.

Wymack’s attention turned to Andrew "Andrew, how behind are you? I didn't see a fitness center listed with Easthaven's amenities."

"There wasn't one," Andrew said. Memories of blown out legs and aching arms arose. Andrew scrunched up  his face in distaste."I improvised."

* * *

“You’re dating Renee,” Aaron accused.

“You’ve gotten increasingly delusional since I left,” Andrew observed, checking in the fridge for some soda.

“We all saw how you were looking at each other during practice,” Aaron continued, increasingly stubborn. “If you aren’t dating, then there’s something going on,”

“Really? Fascinating,” Andrew took a sip of his coke.

Aaron looked at him expectantly. “Well? Say something!”

Andrew looked back at Aaron. “Something,” Andrew deadpanned. Aaron threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Look, I’m not sure what you want me to say. I’ve done nothing to prove that I’m dating Renee,”

Aaron scoffed “well, by my count you haven’t denied it either,”.

Andrew looked Aaron in the eye and stilled. He waited until Aaron shrunk back “All right, brother of mine, you want a denial? I have never dated, am not dating, and will never date Renee Walker. Clear enough for you? Any questions?”

Aaron was silent for a moment. “Why not?”

Andrew was confused “Excuse me?”

“Why aren’t you going to date her?” Aaron hoisted himself up to sit on the kitchen counter.

Andrew let out a small laugh. “She’s not my type,” Before Aaron could dwell too long on his answer, Andrew deflected “So now it’s time for my questions. How long have you been seeing Katelyn behind my back?”

Aaron flushed. “How did you know?”

Andrew smiled “I didn’t, till now. It seems like one of us hasn’t been following their end of the bargain,”

“I want to change the deal,” Aaron said, trying to appear confident. The waver in his voice gave him away.

“Is that so?” Andrew asked “Feeling lucky today, are we?” 

“I want to go out with Katelyn,”

“What makes you think you have the right to ask me for anything?” Andrew watched Aaron shrink back.

“I love her,” Aaron said softly.

Andrew scoffed on principle. Aaron watched Andrew with feverish eyes. He’d said his piece. Now was the part where Andrew the monster refused all his claims and Aaron the victim ran away and cried about his mean brother and how hard his life was.

Except Andrew didn’t want to be the monster any more. Because he was tired of his own brother being afraid to ask anything of him. Was Andrew really so insecure that he thought a girl would turn his brother against him?

“State your terms,”

“What?”

“Are you an imbecile? State. Your. Terms. You want to change the deal, what do you have to offer me?”

Aaron looked floored. He attempted to stutter out answer and Andrew watched him flounder before realizing.

“You didn’t think you’d get this far, hmm?” Andrew asked. He wanted to laugh. He mulled it over for a minute. “You. Me. Sessions with Bee. Every two weeks. Sound reasonable?”

Aaron could only nod.

“If I suspect that your cheerleader is hurting or taking advantage of you in any way, I don’t care how much you  _ love _ her,” Andrew spit out the word like it had offended him. “I will interfere,”

Aaron watched dumbfounded. He nodded slowly.

“Good talk,”

Andrew started to walk out of the kitchen before looking back and sighing. “I don’t want you to be miserable you know. I don’t take pleasure in your suffering. I just want to make sure you’re safe,” Andrew shooed Aaron off “Have a nice night, tell Katelyn I say hi,” Aaron was out of the house in less than a second.

The next morning, Andrew found a box of nice chocolates outside of his door with a note that read _ Dear Andrew, Thank you- K. _

Maybe Aaron seeing his little cheerleader wouldn’t be too bad after all.

* * *

Andrew saw Neil with his new make-up and immediately turned in the opposite direction.

_ Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I am going to kill Allison Reynolds _ .

Andrew strode into Nicky’s room talking a mile a minute.

“Okay, Nicky, I have to ask yout for advice, but before that, I have something to tell you, and it’s really important and a relationship milestone and all that, but  before I say this I’m going to need you to swear a vow of silence okay? Because you have no concept of subtlety and- Oh, hi Erik,”

“Hello Andrew,” Erik said through Nicky’s computer.

“You need to swear to secrecy too, because I know that Nicky’s going to tell you everything, and you never know how information can spread overseas, and-”

“Woah woah woah, slow down, what’s wrong?” Nicky gestured for Andrew to continue.

Andrew groaned, gestured vaguely and let out the most accurate interpretation of what his feelings were, which was a long “Ahhhfrvklghhppphhhhhh!!!”

“Sorry, but no matter how gay I am, I don’t speak verbal keysmash,” Nicky “I speak English and German though, so either of those are on the table,”

“ _ I saw Neil in his new make-up, and I don’t know how to handle it _ ,” Andrew mustered through gritted teeth.

Nicky’s face cycled through confusion to understanding to ecstatic happiness.

“Oh. My. God.” Nicky started.

“Nicky,” Andrew warned.

“J’accuse!”

“Nicky,” Andrew threatened.

“I thought you’d be a Distinguished Gay! At the very least a Functional Gay! But you’re not! You’re a  _ Disaster Gay _ !”

“Don’t start, Nicky, I’m asking you for advice,”

“Right, yes, I’m ready, hit me with it, what do you need?”

“How do I handle it?!?!” Andrew was panicking a little.

“Don’t listen to Nicky,” Erik broke in “He handles it by making loud comments about how attractive the male in question is,”

“And what would you do?” Andrew asked Erik.

“ As a fellow secret Disaster Gay,” Erik started

“Try again,” Andrew said flatly.

“I guess I would say…. Live vicariously through Nicky’s comments, and avoid the object of the attraction at all costs, or just hide your obvious attraction through the subtle art of not talking to him,”

Andrew nodded. Sound advice.

“Or, you know, just tell him you like him,”  Erik shrugged through Nicky’s computer.

“Come on, babe! You stole my chance to give Andrew Gay Advice!” Nicky complained.

“There will be other chances, darling,” Erik said as Andrew left.

Andrew nodded his thanks and left to go scream into his pillow for ten straight minutes and text Will about this. It was going to be a long year.


	4. Chapter 4

Andrew was having lots of fun tossing balls at Kevin's feet. A lot of things had changed since Andrew  had gotten back from Easthaven. The sheer pleasure he derived from driving Kevin Day mad with anger was not one of them. Kevin was growing increasingly frantic, though no less precise, with his shots. He knew he was _supposed_ to be firing them down court, buuuuuut….

“Andrew! Would you start taking this seriously!”

...  Annoying Kevin was so much better.

Dan had gotten through and took a shot of her own and Andrew caught that. He considered firing it at her, but she hadn’t done anything to deserve it. Then he considered firing it at Kevin again, but it wouldn’t annoy him as much as if he passed this shot down court so that Kevin knew he was special. Andrew did that instead.

“Come on!” Kevin groaned. Andrew grinned beneath his helmet.

The game continued more or less along that vein before Wymack pounded on the wall, calling a pause to the scrimmage. Neil was here. Make-up-less. Andrew’s weak gay heart sighed in relief.

Neil let himself onto the court and headed for the goal instead of going to his place on court.. Andrew slung his racquet across his shoulders at Neil's approach. He aggressively kept himself from stammering out a greeting.

"Coach wants to know what you have against Kevin."

Did he? Andrew looked over Neil’s shoulder. Wymack crossed his arms. "He can ask me himself."

"Or you can answer me since I'm already here," Neil said. Andrew forced himself to look into piercing blue eyes. "There are only nine of us left. If we lose anyone else we're out of spring championships. You know that." Neil chided. Andrew scoffed. He wasn’t going to hurt anyone, Neil didn’t have to worry his little junkie head about a thing. "I want us to get to finals. I want us to be the ones who finally bring the Ravens down. After everything Riko's done to us, don't you want that, too?"

Ah. Wasn’t that a tricky question? Did Andrew want that? Did Andrew want anything? It was a tricky question to answer. He started with what he needed. He needed to form ties with his family. He needed to keep his promises. He had Nicky, he was working on getting Aaron. He was protecting Kevin. He was protecting Neil. He didn’t need Exy to do any of that.

And then there was the matter of want. Andrew hadn’t wanted anything in a long time. After years of training himself to think of “want” as a frivolous indulgence, it was hard for Andrew to convince himself that he was allowed.

Then an idea. A tiny concept that changed the way he was thinking about the problem. _What makes you think Neil needs to know any of that?_

"You say 'want' so freely," Andrew said, and he felt unnecessarily clever about it. "when I have told you a thousand times before I want nothing."

"Probably because you're spending all your energy on not wanting anything," Neil shot back. And Andrew felt an emotion that could only be described as “prickliness”.

Neil opened his mouth yet again "But if you can't grasp that simple concept, I'll put this in terms you do understand: this is a game we can't afford to lose. This is how we get to Riko. This is the only thing we can take from him that will actually hurt. Let's rip his rank out of his fingers and show him he had a reason to fear us all along." Blah, blah, blah. He sounded like he was giving a speech to the underdogs in every sports movie ever.

"Spare me the feel-good platitudes, you’ll find no inspiration here." Andrew asked.

“What do you want in return for your effort?”

"What will you give me in exchange for my cooperation?" Andrew asked

"What would it take?"

Andrew didn't have to think about it. "Show me your scars."

Andrew knew they were there. He remembered feeling the marred skin of Neil’s stomach before he had left for Easthaven. If he concentrated hard enough, he could remember the feeling of the smooth, raised skin. Neil opened his mouth to protest. If he said no, Andrew could think of something else for Neil to give him, but something in Andrew needed to see Neil’s scars.

"When?" Neil said. He looked twice as worn as he had before this conversation started.

"We are going to Columbia tomorrow," Andrew said. He was about to send Neil off, and then he saw Coach surveying them from the sidelines. He fought the urge to flip him off. "Now walk away and tell Coach to mind his pay grade. I will not let him get away with this a second time."

Neil looked like didn't understand, but obeyed anyway.

All right. Neil wanted Andrew to stop cutting Kevin off at the knees? Fine.

The next time Kevin managed a shot on goal, Andrew cleared it all the way down the court. Next time they ran out of new balls, Kevin would have to chase after them.

Exy was supposed to be _fun_ , right?

* * *

 

That night, Andrew went out. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he knew he wasn’t going to stay inside on a night like this. The air was cool and fresh as it could be on a college campus, and Andrew felt nice walking.

He happened across a fountain. It had supposedly been used as a public toilet by many a drunken frat boy, and Andrew didn’t doubt it. Still, it was strangely ambient, the night air and the empty square and the fountain.

On a whim, Andrew fished around in his pockets and wallet, looking for some spare change. He found a quarter and a penny and decided to toss in both. One for a wish, and another for broke college students that decided to brave frat-boy-piss-water for some coins.

_I wish for… actually I’m not sure. Granter’s choice, something really really good. You can take it from there._

Andrew huffed a soft laugh and walked away. After a bit of walking he heard some music. A college party. Andrew was never one to shy away from free booze. He followed the sounds of the party.

There was something alluring about the space. It was full of opposites that matched to become just enough of each thing that they worked. The lights were yellow and purple, and they meshed to create a grey that was just yellow enough to be comfortable and just purple enough to keep the party going. The music was nice. He had heard the song once of twice before and he had always meant to look it up, but never got around to doing it. It was just quick enough to dance to, but slow enough that the audience heard all the fun instrumental details. There were people dancing on a makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room. Just sexy enough to but intriguing, but tasteful enough not to be garish.

Andrew liked it.

Andrew liked it a lot.

He grabbed a cup, filled it with beer because _when in rome_ , and found a corner he liked and watched the partygoers dance and flirt and talk and scream and be generally unaware of his existence. It was nice

In another corner, a boy caught his eye. He was wearing a casual blue button down and oversized round-framed glasses. He was looking both wildly out of place and straight at Andrew. When he saw that Andrew had caught him, his tan cheeks flushed and a hand flew up to ruffle his curly dark hair almost out of instinct. He shot Andrew a bashful half-smile that did strange things to Andrew’s stomach. Andrew shot him a two fingered salute and what he hoped was a reassuring smile. It seemed to work..

Andrew noticed the music, and the song drove any thoughts of the cute-corner-boy away. Andrew knew this song. He had danced like a madman in Will’s office to this song. He was struck with the overwhelming urge to repeat the experience. He downed his drink, because wasting alcohol was foolish, and joined the crowd on the dancefloor.

_What do you know, this house is falling apart_

_What can I say this house is falling apart_

_We’ve got no money, but we’ve got ha-hea-a-a-art_

_We’re gonna rattle this ghost town_

Andrew moved to the beat and jumped around and he was sure that he wasn’t amazing, but he was all right and being passable at dancing and confident enough to be okay with that was a large part of being good at dancing. Andrew shook off the thoughts.

_This house is falling apart._

The parts of the crowd that didn’t have enough confidence to move their limbs were jumping to the beat and Nicky’s voice in Andrew’s head said _that’s white person dancing_ , and that mixed with  the fun of dancing made it impossible for Andrew to keep a laugh of joy in. And his smile stayed on his face long after.

The music slowed for the bridge and Andrew spun to find the cute-corner-boy still watching him from the corner, and Andrew was smiling at him and he was smiling back and it felt like there was something a lot more important than smiling going on. Andrew knew there should be some guilt here, some memory of auburn hair and blue eyes and a smart, sharp mouth, but why should there be? What was the use in feeling guilty about what wasn't even there?

_Live my life without_

Andrew thought the next logical step was to make his way over.

_Station wagon rides_

The boy visibly gulped.

_Fumbling ‘round the back_

Andrew was suddenly standing closer to him than was normal, but still far enough to not mean anything.

_Not one seatbelt on_

“Hi,” he said. “I’m Andrew,”

The boy smiled and leaned closer as if to yell over the music, but the music was just slow and low enough for that to be unnecessary.

_Wait for summertime_

“Javier,” The boy smiled, he wasn’t tall, but he was taller than Andrew.

_Coming up for air._

Andrew was feeling wild and reckless and he didn’t care about anything except this party and this song and this boy. Right now he wasn’t Andrew Minyard. Star goalie. Or Andrew Minyard. Crazy psycho. Or Andrew Minyard. Misunderstood teen youth. He was just Andrew. The cute boy at a college party.

_Now it’s all a wash_

Andrew, cute party boy, asked “Dance with me?

_Now it’s all a wash_

Javier smiled “Sure”

And suddenly Andrew was taking Javier's hand and pulling him into an ever accommodating crowd and there were hands on arms and looped around shoulders and somehow Andrew didn't mind so much.

 

* * *

 

The song was over and Andrew was kissing Javier senseless against a wall. Andrew had a hand on Javier's face and a forearm on the wall. Javier’s hands found themselves comfortably in Andrew's back pockets, and Andrew was happy with them there. Javier’s glasses had long since been relocated to their case.

Javier pulled back and was content to let Andrew press kisses into his neck and jaw.

“Andrew, you know we're probably not gonna be able to do this again right?” Javier asked, his breath shaky and warm.

Andrew hummed an affirmative from the underside of Javier's jawbone. It was a makeout session at a party. Andrew wasn't expecting anything else.

“It's not that I don't like you, I do, I like you a lot,” God he was adorable. How did someone manage to be that endearing when trying to explain that there wasn't going to be any further attachments between them? “But there's this guy-”

Andrew was off him in a second. “I'm not helping you cheat on someone, am I?”

A surprised laugh escaped Javier's kiss-bruised lips as he pulled Andrew back towards him. “No, no nothing like that,” He said, as Andrew's hands relaxed and rested comfortably on his chest. “It's-”

“Javier?” An unfamiliar voice cut in. “Is that you?”’ The voice belonged to a tall angular boy wearing a leather jacket.

“Chase!” Javier said, blushing. Andrew was willing to bet that this was “the guy”.

Chase took in Javier and Andrew’s entangled state “Enjoying the party, are we?”

Javier immediately took his arms from around Andrew's waist and cleared his throat “Uh, yeah!” he was doing  a very good job of masking the fact that he looked like he wanted to evaporate on the spot.

Chase looked Andrew up and down and Andrew saw something flash in his eyes. Anger? No. Jealousy.

“Hi, I'm Andrew,” Andrew said, feeling out of place and awkward.

Chase grunted and headed towards where the alcohol was.

Javier was looking at Andrew apologetically “I'm sorry, he's usually a lot more polite than that, but you see-,”

Andrew cut him off “You're madly in love with tall, dark, and emotionally unavailable over there and you don't think he likes you back,”

Javier looked stricken “is it that obvious?”

Andrew shook his head. “I've been there. Hell, I _am_ there. I know what it looks like,” Javier did not look reassured. “He likes you back,”

At that, Javier laughed. “Yeah right,”

“I'm serious!” Andrew said. “He was jealous!”

“There's no way _he_ would like _me_ ,” The way Javier emphasized the words made something ugly slither down Andrew's throat. Something like recognition.

“And why not? You're cute, nice, a _superb_ kisser,” Andrew listed. Something Will had said to him came back to him now. “You spend way too much time and effort being yourself to apologize for it,”

Javier smiled.

“Come on,” Andrew said. “I'm not going to kiss you again, well, maybe, but not right now, so maybe we can go dance again, or just hang out?”

The song changed, this time, striking a chord with Javier. It was _You Spin Me Right Round (Like a Record)_

“Can I tell you a secret?” Javier said “I know all the words to this song. I love it unironically,”

Andrew smiled “Can I tell you a secret?” Javier nodded “Me too,”

Somehow, Andrew and Javier ended up screaming the song at the top of their lungs on a couch. Andrew was slowly trying to turn the feeling of breathlessness from fear into freedom.

Andrew walked home that night with a new number in his phone and kiss-bruised lips. He walked by the fountain in the square again.

_Not bad, wish granting fountain, not bad at all._

Andrew walked to his bed and fell asleep. His dreams were full of rising suns and spinning records, and the wonderful feeling of phantom lips on his.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy, here it guys, the moment you've all been waiting for, the reason why you probably picked this fic to read. Enjoy.

Andrew wasn't going to force Neil to show him his scars. It wasn't something that new-and-improved-Andrew thought he should be doing, no matter how much he wanted to. That part of Andrew’s brain usually led him in the right direction. He showed up at Neil's room almost as soon as Boyd had left, and he brought a bag of clothes with him. Neil carried the bag into his bedroom to change. When he turned to close the door Andrew was right behind him.

“You don't have to show me your scars. I'll find some way for you to make it up to me,” Andrew started to walk away.

“Like what?” Neil asked.

Andrew turned to look at Neil, wondering what he was playing at. Neil seemed to be wondering the same thing “I don't know, something,” Andrew shrugged.

“Will this thing be as easy as me just taking off my shirt now?” Neil asked

“Lazy, lazy little fox. You’re getting what you want, take the out.”

“Why are you changing your mind?” Neil asked.

Andrew sighed “Do you like seeing gift horses’ tongues, Neil? You don't want to show me, I'm not going to force you,”

“Is that what this is about?” Neil sounded surprised, Andrew should have been too, but he was re-evaluating what he wanted other people to feel because of him. And forcing Neil to show his scars was decidedly a step in the wrong direction.  Andrew waved a hand in the air. He had said what he needed to say. He started to walk away again. “Wait, stay,” Neil said, and Andrew did.

“Quickly, Neil, I don’t have all night,” He did. He so did. He could have waited forever, knowing that Neil wanted him to stay.

“Come in,” Neil gestured inside his room. Andrew’s mind told his body to stop, his body traitorously ignored him. 

Andrew stood in the center of the room, noting how disheveled Boyd’s bed was. Seriously, could he bother to make his bed? Neil was looking at him with that stupid curious expression on his face. Andrew softened a little bit, imperceptibly. Neil seemed to notice anyway. He seemed to grow two sizes taller in indignation.  _ Oh great, he’s going to do the thing where he draws a conclusion, but it’s the wrong one, but he goes off anyway. Great. Just spectacular _ .

“You don’t have to baby me you know, I’m not fragile now that I’ve been to the nest, I’m sick and tired of everyone treating me like I’m made of glass now, like I’m going to break if someone so much as looks at me in the wrong way. I did it for you, you know. I know you don’t want to admit it, and I know that’s why you’re suddenly acting weird around me, but-,”

“Neil, I’m not pitying you,” Andrew said calmly. “I regret what happened to you there, but going to the nest was your own stupid fault, maybe pick your head out of you own ass for one second and realize that this isn’t about you.” Andrew knew he was being harsh, but it seemed like Neil needed it. Needed to believe that he was capable of handling it. Needed to believe he was strong. “I’m changing my mind because I don’t want to be the kind of person that forces you to do things you didn’t choose to do, things you don’t want to do. I’ve come too far to let myself be,”

Neil was silent and Andrew was too. Then Neil looked Andrew in the eye and they were being silent together.

Slowly, tentatively, Neil set the bag of clothes that Andrew had given him on Matt's bed and began to pull up the hem of his shirt.

“Stop, I said you don’t have to,” Andrew said “Were you even listening to me?”

“I was, I just don’t care.” Neil said, struggling a little “Just because I didn’t think of the idea doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” Andrew was about to protest “I trust you,”

Andrew’s protest died in his chest and hope rose out of it like a phoenix. Andrew squashed it down. He was letting himself be happy now, yes, but he wasn’t allowed to have this. 

Andrew watched Neil wrestle the shirt over his head and to his elbows before moving closer to help. No matter how much the junkie needed to feel capable, Andrew wasn’t going to let him hurt himself for the sake of showing Andrew his scars. Andrew pulled the shirt off the rest of the way, ignoring the warmth blooming in his chest, and tossed it off to one side.

Neil’s torso was a mosaic of scars and bruises. Andrew wanted nothing more than the mottling of purple and blue and yellow to disappear.

Andrew reached for the bandages on Neil's wrists with a question in his eyes, and Neil let him take them off. The scabs stared up at Andrew.  _ This is your fault _ , they seemed to say,  _ he went for you _ . Andrew saw Neil looking at him, but he couldn’t look Neil in the eye. How could he? The guilt must have been written plainly on his face. He wanted desperately to apologize, but how could he apologize for something that wasn’t his fault?

Instead he apologized with a ginger hand to Neil’s shoulder. A burn scar, it looked like a clothing iron. Andrew’s fingers lined up with the holes.his thumb found a different scar, a puckered circle of flesh. A bullet. 

"Someone shot you," Andrew observed dumbly. What else could he say?.

"I told you someone was after me," Neil said and Andrew almost laughed. Neil found a way to bend the truth even when he was baring the most vulnerable parts of himself

"This," Andrew gently traced the iron mark, "is not from a life on the run."

"My father gave me that. People came by asking questions about his work. I didn't say anything, but I didn't sit still enough, either. He hit me as soon as the door closed behind them. That's why I gave you 'Abram'," Neil said. "I don't want to give you my father's name because I don't want anyone to call me it ever again. I hated him."

“I wouldn’t,” Andrew said softly “Not now,”

Neil stilled under his hand. “I still don’t want to tell you. It’s not a part of my life that I’m proud of,”

“I’m not asking you to,”

Neil bent down so that Andrew was forced to look at him "You're not actually a sociopath, are you?"

"I never said I was." Andrew wanted nothing more than to avert his eyes, but he owed it to himself, he owed it to Neil to be stronger than that.

“You let them say it about you," Neil said. "You could have corrected them."

Andrew shrugged “I could have also danced the polka and learned to play the accordion. What’s your point?”

“And Coach knows?”

“Of course Coach knows,” Andrew was done with this conversation. He walked to the door.

"Then your medicine...?" Neil asked. "Were those pills really anti-psychotics?"

"You ask a lot of questions," Andrew said, and left Neil alone to get dressed.

* * *

 

They had dinner and ice cream at Sweetie’s, then headed to Eden’s Twilight. Will was meeting them there.

“Are you kidding? Hell yes I’ll go, it’s been ages since I’ve been able to go to a gay bar, all my friends are either straight, straight-edge, or taken,” she had told Andrew over the phone.

When they entered. Andrew spotted Will at the bar talking to Roland. They were laughing, and when they caught sight of Andrew, they started laughing harder. Maybe this had been a bad idea.

“Speak of the devil,” Roland said and waggled his eyebrows at Andrew. “I was beginning to think I’d never see you all again,”

"As if we could stay away forever," Nicky said. "It just wouldn't have been the same without Andrew."

"Andrew's out, then?" Roland asked with obvious relief, he looked at Andrew who gave him a brief smile. "It killed us when we heard the news. I wish we could've done something, anything. You," he said, looking to Aaron, "are a hero. We've got your back here, understand? They try to make any of these bullshit charges stick and we'll march on the court. That guy got what he deserved and everyone knows it."

"Thank you," Aaron said. Andrew wanted to scoff and say something, but he saw Will shooting him a warning glare

“It’s great to see you Will,” He said instead.

“You’re damn right,” Will said. She had some sort of multicolored fruity drink in front of her. “I’m magnificent, fucking majestic, like a goddamn unicorn,” Will pointed at Nicky. “Are you Nicky?”

Nicky nodded, bemused.

“You, my good sir, are a hero, an inspiration to gays everywhere, come, sit,” Nicky complied, and Andrew rolled his eyes. Those two were going to get along like house on fire

Roland set up a round of shots.

“Oh, none for me, please,” Will said “I don’t drink,”

Andrew raised an eyebrow at the tll glass in front of her.

“It’s a virgin drink, Minyard, stay in your lane,”

He placed one in front of Neil and Neil stared at it in confusion. Andrew took it, because wasting alcohol was stupid.

Andrew led the rest of the group to a table in the back. Nicky and Will were chattering about recipes for something or other. 

Kevin pulled out the crackers and Will raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t have to give you all, student athletes, a lecture about the dangers of drug use and addiction, do I? You all know how to use responsibly and such?” Andrew gestured vaguely. Will sighed “Well, you’re all adults, and I’m off duty, carry on I guess,”

They knocked back cracker dust as a group, and Aaron and Nicky vanished into the crowd. Kevin did too, but to the bar. Will stayed.

“So how’s college going? Dish the goss, my dude.”

“Still easy,” Andrew shrugged. “Also, never say ‘dish the goss my dude’ ever again,”

Will scoffed theatrically “If I want to ask my dude to dish the goss, I will ask my dude to dish the goss,”

“You’re ridiculous,”

“You love me,” Will said. She stirred her drink.

“I didn’t know you didn’t drink,” Andrew observed.

“Yeah, you caught me, I’m boring like that,” Will laughed, and her face tightened. She was still smiling, but more somberly now.

“I would never describe you as boring,” Andrew said, that made Will laugh a little.

“True,” Will said “But still, I don’t exactly have the best track record with alcohol,” Will folded her arms on the small table and rested her head on them. It was almost comical, how small she could seem when she wanted to. “My parents loved to drink, a lot,” Will said “They weren’t bad parents, you have to understand, they loved me, they never laid a hand on me, they were good at their jobs, and they always showed up, you know? They were at every track meet, every spelling bee, I never doubted that they loved me, and I loved them, more than anything. I’m not saying they were bad parents, I’m just saying it’s a wonder I didn’t end up with fetal alcohol syndrome,” Will shrunk down a little more.

“Flash forward a few years and I’m in high school, track star, top of my classes, except for fucking chemistry because fuck that shit, and one night, my parents don’t come home. And that’s normal, you know, they sometimes have too much to drink and they stay at my auntie’s, but I just get a weird feeling about it. Next day, I’m in the middle of math class and I get called to the office, and I think I’m going to be in trouble for skipping chem, you know? And instead, they told me that the reason my parents didn’t come home last night, is because they were in a car accident, driving drunk. They both died on impact,” 

“Will, I-”Andrew started. Will held up a hand to stop him. ANdrew could tell she needed to finish.

“Here’s where it gets really fucked up. So I swear, right then in my guidance counselor’s office, that I’m never going to drink, ever,” Will’s laugh was bitter and she had made herself so small and Andrew hated that he couldn’t help, but how could he change the past? “The promise lasts about two days. When I was packing up my house to move in with my auntie, I saw a bottle of tequila in the pantry and just took a swig. And then another, and another, and another. So then I was an alcoholic, and I stayed an alcoholic until the end of my undergrad, then I slapped myself in the face, and got a hold of myself and did the full 180, so then I was a recovering alcoholic, and then a recovered alcoholic, and then a doctor.” Will seemed to get better as she got to this point in the story. Seemed to grow back into herself. “And that’s how I got to be the stunning creature you see before you today!” Will smiled.

Andrew opened his mouth and closed it. “We can leave the bar?” 

“Pssshh, are you kidding? Where else am I going to meet this many hot, single girls?” Will asked. “Speaking of hot and single, how’s Neil?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?” Andrew asked, deflecting as hard as he could

“Why don’t you, he’s coming over here right now?” Will gestured over.

“Do you want to go over and talk to Nicky about how he’s an inspiration?” Andrew asked.

“You kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Shh, sh, he’s coming.” Will took a sip of her drink.

Neil looked at Will, debated saying whatever he was going to ask, shrugged and asked it anyway."Why does Roland think you're tying me down?”

Will spewed her drink onto the floor, a little came out of her nose and she started coughing like someone had stuck a knife through her lung, which Andrew was serious considering doing. Her coughs resolved themselves into incredulous laughs. “Oh, oh that was a good one,” She said “I needed that,” She got up and stretched her arms over her head “On second thought, I’m gonna go find Nicky, see you after all this,”

“Don’t tell him a thing!” Andrew called back at her

“No promises!” She called back. Andrew put his head in his hands in embarrassment.  _ Oh god _ . He looked up and Neil was still staring at him.

"Roland thinks you’re as bad at following instructions as he was,” Andrew shrugged and hoped to any higher power that his face wasn’t as red as he felt.

“You didn’t answer the question,” Neil said

"Yes I did, you just don’t have all the context to understand it"

Neil huffed and took a seat "I want to play another round," Neil said. "What's outside Coach's pay grade?"

Andrew tamped down the rising heat in his face. “When Coach signed us, he promised to stay out of our personal problems. He said the board paid him to be our coach, nothing more and nothing less."

Neill looked unsure of what he was going to say. "I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?"

Time slowed down. Andrew considered all the options. Keep his feelings hidden, keep things the same, reveal the truth, leave it out in the open. The question that had been plaguing him for weeks. What were the facts? Well, it was Neil. Neil, Neil, impossible Neil, as lovely as he was unreal. When it came to him, there was no choice, there were no options, there was only Andrew, Neil, and the truth. What should he do? Well,the choice seemed obvious now.

"Every inch of you," Andrew said. The weight of the words on his tongue tasted like liberation. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you."  Andrew finished, looking anywhere but at Neil's face.

Neil looked like he had just realized the sky was blue. "You like me,"

Andrew sighed. "Yeah," he said, resigned "Yeah, Neil, I  _ like  _ you,"

"You never said anything."

"Why should I have?" Andrew lifted one shoulder in a shrug. Once the truth had started coming out, it would not stop until it was finished, no matter how harsh. "Nothing will come of it."

“Nothing," Neil echoed, and in Andrew’s ears, it sounded less like Neil was repeating what he said and more like Neil was reminding himself of the facts. And that sent such a thrill through Andrew’s chest that he had to say his next thoughts out loud to remind himself.

“Well yeah, I’m not an idiot,” Andrew said. He was digging himself into a hole. A useless gay hole. “You don’t swing,”

Maybe Andrew was imagining it, but Neil looked like he wasn’t so sure. Andrew had to leave before he did something stupid, he left to find Will.

* * *

 

He found Will talking to Kevin about the origin of science fiction.

“Why do people always credit Isaac Asimov? Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein before he was even born!’ Kevin was saying.

“Actually, the creator of science fiction was Margaret Cavendish in the sixteen-hundreds, but to answer your question, it’s because society hates women,”

“Fucking society,” Kevin said, he had obviously had quite a few drinks.

“Fucking society,” Will echoed.

Nicky saw Andrew coming and waved him over in relief. “They’ve been going for ten minutes, I just wanted to talk about Star Wars!”

Will looked at Andrew with glee. “How did it go with  _ Neil _ ?” She asked, turning what should have been a one-syllable word into a three-syllable one.

Andrew found himself surrounded by waggling eyebrows, Nicky, Will and even Roland behind the bar, he felt his old friend embarrassment rising up in his chest. “I don’t want to talk about it,”

Will sighed and shrugged “All right, but if you ever need to talk about it, I am a licensed therapist, and Nicky’s a great listener, as evidenced by his interest in other people’s opinions and general need to please others,”

“I don’t know whether to feel offended, unsettled, or flattered,”

“Be flattered, it feels the best,” Will suggested “You guys want to dance?”

Nicky laughed “Andrew’s not going to dance,”

Andrew raised an eyebrow “Sure,” he said slowly, Nicky looked delighted, he raised an eyebrow at Kevin, who shrugged and got up too.

The music was some eighties song he hadn’t heard before, but Nicky had, because he was singing along with it. He could carry a tune, and there weren’t any notes out of his range, so luckily, he sounded pretty okay.

“ _ In a room without a door _

_ A kiss is not enough, _ ”

Dancing with other people was a lot more fun than dancing by himself.

Will was singing along with the instrumental and Kevin couldn’t dance, so he was jumping to the beat and Nicky was making fun of him and Andrew felt like a little kid again, but in a good way. 

_ “Love my way, it’s a new road _ ,”

Andrew saw Neil looking at him from the table and without thinking, shot him a smile. Then he realized what he was doing and cleared both his throat and his face. Neil looked confused, but the corners of his mouth were turned up anyway, he quirked a brow. 

“ _ I follow where my mind goes _ ,”

Andrew shrugged and closed his eyes while moving. He had friends, he was dancing, he had confessed to the boy he liked. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was good. Great even.

Andrew was happier than he had been in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *writes another cathartic dancing scene* Let me be okay, I like it when my characters dance!
> 
> The song that they're dancing to is Love My Way by the Psychadelic Furs and it's a bop. The lyrics? Awe inspiring. The backround music? Legendary. It's just a really good song!
> 
> Also yes, it's also a CMBYN reference


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter wasn't originally supposed to exist. I was going to release it separately as a one-shot, but it was too short and it took place withing the events of TKM so I included it here. The actual story will continue next chapter, but I hope you guys like this little extra.

“Renee!” Andrew said cheerily “no, that won't work,” he tried again. “Renee.” deep voiced and emotionless. “Renee?” unsure and curious. “Ew, no, what was that?” Andrew sighed and took a deep breath “Ren-”

“Andrew?”

“Gah!” Andrew jumped about five feet in the air.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Andrew turned to see Matt and Dan standing in front of him. “We didn’t mean to scare you, we were just trying… to get into… my dorm room,” Dan said awkwardly. “Were- were you talking to yourself?”

“What? No.” Andrew said, much too quickly. Matt raised an eyebrow “Maybe. Yes.” Andrew sighed. “I'm trying to figure out the right way to ask Renee to spar with me,”

Dan looked confused “There's a wrong way to ask Renee to spar with you?”

Andrew didn't have an answer for her, well that wasn't true, he did, he just wasn't sure how to put ‘I'm worried that if I say something strangely or word it wrong, Renee will hate me and cut me out of her life forever, and while I know that probably won't happen, my brain won't let me go in there without a game plan’ into nicer words. Andrew was sure that honesty was probably the best policy, so he just repeated his ungainly thought process.

Dan seemed surprised at the sudden honesty, but Matt looked contemplative. Andrew was wondering why when Matt said “I could ask for you?” 

Andrew's eyebrows shot upward. He was at a loss for words. “You don't have to.”

Dan quickly regained her footing. “It's no problem.” She disappeared into her apartment, Matt in tow, and, after a few minutes of Andrew wondering if Matt and Dan were messing with him, she returned with Renee, who was already dressed in her sparring clothes and ready to go.

“Hey Andrew!” She turned to Dan “I'll see you at dinner?” She asked, Dan confirmed with a nod and leaned back against the door.

“Gosh, I wish I could go with you guys to one of these! It always sounds so interesting!” Dan remarked.

“Same,” Matt agreed, coming up behind her to wrap his arms around her waist and rest his neck on her shoulder. “You guys always come back with the most wicked bruises,”

Time stopped. Andrew considered.

Renee wanted them to come, that was obvious. She would say no though. Because of Andrew.

The way Andrew saw it, he owed them now. Bringing them along would even them out.

“I don't see the harm in letting you come for  _ one _ session,” Andrew said. Emphasizing the one so that they knew it was the first and only time this was going to happen.

Renee brightened up immediately, she looked at Andrew, not surprised, but proud nevertheless. People being proud of him for doing ordinary human things was starting to grate on Andrew's nerves. Andrew turned and started walking to the stairs.

“Stop looking at me like that Renee, I’m not going easy on you because you feel sappy,”

* * *

 

They had been fighting for ten minutes before one of them ended up on the ground. Renee was sprawled on her back. Andrew was on her in a second, readying himself to throw a punch a her face, when she surged up and hit their heads together with an audible clack. She was on top in a matter of seconds, though Andrew didn’t make it easy. She had pinned his arms above his head with one hand, and his throat to the floor with the other.

“Give it up, Andrew, I’ve won already,” Renee gasped.

Andrew grunted with effort. “Don’t. Be. So. _ Sure _ !” And with that, he bucked, trapped Renee’s legs with his, rolled so that he was on top, and started to throw punch after punch.

Renee took a few particularly hard blows to the face when Andrew registered the pounding on the cage outside the sparring ring.

“Minyard! What the hell?!” Matt was shouting.

Andrew looked up for about two seconds, which was just enough for Renee to flip Andrew over and give him a return treatment. “Ooh, that one’s going to bruise,” she taunted.

After a few more hard blows that left Andrew dazed, Renee stood and quickly placed her foot on Andrew’s windpipe. He struggled upwards, but Renee pressed her foot down in warning. “I thought you weren’t going easy on me” She giggled. “Stay down, Andrew, I won this round,”

Andrew complied and went limp.

Renee stepped off his neck and threw her hands up in victory. Dan whooped.

Andrew looked at Matt, who had something akin to shock on his face. Andrew shook his head and scoffed out a laugh and popped back up, breathing hard and beginning to feel the pain across his cheekbone. “Best five out of nine?” he asked.

“Don’t expect me to fight fair this time,” Renee said.

Andrew grinned. “Wouldn’t dream of it,”

* * *

“I only lost because Andrew suggested that rematch,” Renee repeated stubbornly.

“Oh, please, I love you Renee, but Andrew won that fair and square,” Dan said through a mouthful of fries.

“Lies,” Matt said, taking a sip of his milkshake. “You guys fight dirtier than anyone I’ve ever seen! There was nothing fair or square about it!”

“Still won,” Andrew shrugged.

They were walking up the stairs to the athletic dorms, shitty diner food being passed around from person to person until no one was sure which food item belonged to who.

Dan fumbled with her keys trying to get into the dorm room.

“Okay, so we’ve got vodka and we've got wine. Pick your poison,” Matt said when the door opened.

“Little known fact about me, I have the alcohol taste of an old, but cultured crazy cat woman,” Andrew said dryly “I'll have wine,”

“Same,” Dan agreed.

“Do we still have orange juice?” Renee asked.

“Think so,”

Renee nodded approvingly. “Good.”

Andrew sighed, “Matt could I talk to you outside for a second?”

Matt shrugged. “Sure,” he waved Dan and Renee inside. Renee went in immediately, Dan lingered a moment before shaking off her concern and following. Andrew watched her go in and took a deep breath.

“Minyard. What the hell.” Andrew stated flatly.

Matt looked confused. “What,”

“Minyard. What the hell.” Andrew repeated. “When I was fighting Renee, you shouted ‘Minyard! What the hell?!’ Now there are two reasons you could have done that,”

“Andrew-,” Matt tried to interject.

“Either you don’t think Renee can handle herself, which is it’s own problem,” Andrew shrugged “And you should probably take that up with her if that’s the case, but I’m willing to bet that your problem was with me. Am I right?”

Matt looked like he wanted to protest, but he gave in and nodded.

Andrew sighed.

“You know, for the majority of my life, I wasn’t prone to violently attacking people, but the only me you’ve ever seen reacts to ordinary words with knives to throats,” Andrew rubbed the back of his head with a hand “So now, everyone’s used to that, everyone’s-” Andrew struggled against the words he was trying to say “Everyone’s  _ scared _ of me, and I used to  _ like _ that everyone was scared of me,” Andrew felt like those were the words that conveyed the feelings that he couldn’t possibly put into words accurately. He looked up at Matt, to see if he understood.

Matt looked contemplative, but not closed off to what Andrew was saying.

“And I still like it, a little, but I don’t know if it’s Kevin and Neil trying to get me to bond with the team or Coach’s blithering about how we’re a family and all that getting to me, but I don’t want you guys to be afraid of me anymore.” Andrew said. “And I know that it’s not going to be all right immediately, I’ve been awful to you, all of you, but you specifically. I had no right to do what I did to you, and I couldn’t possibly ask your forgiveness, but I’d like to know that I’m making a start?”

Mat was silent for a long time. Then he chuckled and shook his head. “Well, that was a hell of an apology,” Matt looked at Andrew questioningly. “Tell you what. There’s a new rom-com on Netflix. Now, I can’t speak for Dan or Allison, or anyone else, but you vote with me to watch that movie, and stay for the whole thing? Then you and I are square. Sound good?”

“What?” Andrew asked “After everything I did? You’re going to forgive me? Just like that?”

“Just like that,”

Andrew was suspicious. “Why? What’s the catch,”

Matt put his hands up in a  _ search me _ motion “No catch. You seem like you’re really sorry and I like to think of myself as a good judge of character,” 

Andrew wasn’t convinced.

“Besides,” Matt said “I love rom-coms,”

A laugh burst out of Andrew before he could stop it. “Well,” he giggled “I guess for tonight, I do too,”

They walked in together

* * *

Andrew was smoking on the roof, the song from the rom-com they had eventually ended up watching was stuck in his head.

Seconds after he had pulled it up on his phone, Neil walked through the door and to the edge of the roof, looking taxed and sweaty. He had probably finished training with Kevin. Andrew offered him a cigarette, which he accepted silently.

_ Love, love me darling _

_ Come and go with me _

They smoked companionably, the music providing a peaceful backdrop. They didn’t speak. Andrew looked at Neil, the yellow streetlights from the parking lot below illuminating the strong line of Neil’s jawbone and the soft cloud of smoke blooming from his mouth. His fingers tapped along to the music on the railing.

Andrew stepped away from the edge of the roof and tossed away his cigarette.

“Dance with me?” he asked. 

Neil looked like a deer in headlights. “I don’t really dance,”

Andrew smiled at him softly. “Neither do I,”

Neil didn’t know what to say to that, so he shrugged and opened his arms. “Show me,”

Andrew stepped to the middle of the roof and set his phone on the floor. He held out his hand.

Neil stepped so that he was in front of Andrew, and then took it.

Andrew’s other hand found its place on Neil’s shoulder and Neil’s hand haltingly found its place on Andrew’s waist, after Andrew nodded permission.

“Now,” Andrew whispered, not wanting to shatter the moment, he might have been hallucinating, or dreaming, but Neil’s eyes were staring  _ real  _ right back into his head. 

_ Yes, I need you _

_ Yes, I really need you _

_ Please say you’ll never leave me _

“I think we just move,”

Neil grinned “I would assume,”

“Oh shut up,”

Neil was a surprisingly good dancer, Andrew watched the yellow light spin around them as they moved. He felt like he had left Palmetto, or at least, left the ground. He was floating above the earth, and Neil was with him. Swaying and stepping to music that the stars were playing.

_ When you say you’ll never _

_ Guess you’ll really never _

_ You’ll never give me a chance _

“I thought you said you couldn’t dance,” Neil observed.

“I said I  _ didn’t _ dance. And so did you,” Andrew smiled. “I guess those fancy feet of yours don’t just work on the exy course,”

Neil laughed humbly.

“And he’s modest too,” Andrew sighed.

_ Come come come come. Come into my heart _

_ Tell me darling, we will never part _

_ I need you darling, come and go with me _

The song stopped, and so did Andrew and Neil. They didn’t move, but neither of them made any move to step away from each other.

“I like that song,” Neil said softly. He did not mean  _ I like that song. _

“So do I,” Andrew agreed. He did not mean  _ So do I _ .

Andrew and Neil were so close they were breathing each other’s air. Neil’s face was the definition of bittersweet.

“Andrew?” He breathed.

“Neil?” Andrew answered.

Neil opened his mouth to say something, but couldn’t, he closed it and sighed.

“I liked this,” was what Neil said instead.

Andres smiled sadly. The air was heavy with words left unsaid. “Me too. That wasn’t what you wanted to tell me, was it?’

“No, but I can’t tell you now,” 

“Well,” Andrew sighed, and leaned back to see Neil’s face “That’s fine, I can wait.” 

He stepped back slowly, picked up his phone, and sent Neil a final smile. “We have time,”

Neil smiled back sadly. “Yeah,” He said “Time.”

Andrew walked inside, humming.

It had been a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that they dance to at the end is called "Come and Go With Me". It's originally by the Del Vikings, but the version Neil and Andrew dance to is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0YvAV7oCjM , and that is a cover of the song by Adam Bravin and Esthero.


	7. Chapter 7

“Andrew, you’re shaking.” Dan observed.

“Am I? Hadn’t noticed.” Andrew replied. His voice was dry, but the tone was offset by his trembling hands

“Is it cold?” Nicky tried

“Are you drunk?” Aaron asked pessimistically.

“If Andrew’s drunk, we’re forfeiting the game,” Kevin whined

“Shut up Kevin. We’re trying to figure out what’s up with Minyard,” Allison shushed.

“Allergies,”

“No,”

“Alien-body snatchers,”

“No,”

“Mind control!”

“No,”

“He’s nervous for the game,”

“Shut  _ up _ Kevin,”

The suggestions came at Andrew from all sides. They go more and more plausible as the list went on. More concerned-sounding too. Andrew kept shaking his head and denying the theories.

“Had too much coffee?”

“Nuh-uh,”

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Nope-a-rooney,”

“Afraid of heights?”

Andrew couldn’t hide his flinch. The group went silent. Andrew slowly opened his eyes to mixed reactions. Matt, Dan, and Nicky all but gaping at him, even Renee looking taken aback, Kevin looking indifferent, Aaron and Neil looking at him with piqued interest. And Allison, looking like christmas had come early.

Slowly, Allison began to chuckle, growing into full-blown laughter. “Andrew Minyard, afraid of heights. I guess you learn something new every day,”

“Lay off, Allison,” Dan hissed.

Allison shrugged and continued laughing. “Hey, I’m not being mean, we’ve all got irrational fears, Renee’s afraid of clowns, You’re afraid of dogs, Matt’s got that weird fear of bagels,”

“There shouldn’t be holes in bread!” Matt defended.

“But still, Minyard’s is kind of hilarious, he spends half his time on the roof,” Allison continued. She addressed her next question to Andrew. “What’s that about, anyway?”

“What, the roof?” Andrew asked. Allison gestured confirmation. Andrew was suspicious, but his weakness had been revealed to the team, what was the worst that could happen now? “I think it was the drugs at first, trying to find some emotion that wasn’t just cheeriness, or maybe trying to turn fear into happiness. I’m not exactly sure. Now it’s just habit, I guess, I like the roof.”

“Psshh,” said Allison. “You don’t like the roof, you like how the roof contributes to your ‘dark-and-darker’ aesthetic,”

Andrew smiled. “That too,” Andrew surmised. “But I also like having a place to smoke without Kevin being an asshole about it,”

“Wait, you  _ smoke _ on the roof?” Kevin asked.

Andrew looked at him in confusion. “What?”

“You just said you were  _ smoking _ on the roof,” Kevin whispered it like he was a preschooler saying a dirty word.

“Who said anything about smoking, Kevin?” Andrew asked, playing dumb. He shot the team a look.  _ Help me out here _ .

“You did! Just now!” Kevin said incredulously.

Luckily, Matt stepped in. “Are you feeling okay, Kevin?”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed “Andrew didn’t say anything about that,”

“Have you been drinking again?” Nicky added. A nice touch.

Kevin looked away confused. “I must have misheard him,”

Andrew mouthed  _ thank you _ at the rest of the team. Matt shot him a thumbs-up.

The issue of heights had all-but been forgotten.

* * *

 

“When you said you were afraid of heights, you were joking, right?”

Andrew looked up from his book at Neil and raised an eyebrow, but did not answer. Neil tried to smile and laugh off the “joke” but Andrew fixed him with a look of what must have been something raw, because it wiped the smile off of Neil’s face immediately

“Oh.” He said.

“Yeah. Oh,” Andrew repeated, looking away. He couldn’t stand to look at those piercing blue eyes that now knew something else about him.

Neil awkwardly cleared his throat and rubbed a hand against the back of his head. “Well, um, if it makes you feel better, fewer than twenty planes crash every year, and it’s not always due to the weather. Sometimes pilots are unreliable.” Neil was digging himself into a hole. He finished strong with “I’m sure it’s a quick death either way,”

Andrew watched Neil ramble and watched the way the light turned his hair from auburn to red.

“Afraid of heights?” Neil asked, like he was asking the air between them and not Andrew.

“I’m not afraid of heights,” Andrew sighed. “No one’s ever afraid of heights,” Andrew looked at Neil and tried to convey everything the next sentence meant with his eyes. “I’m afraid of falling.” Andrew’s voice was clear and strong with intent.

Neil understood. Andrew saw it in his face. Neil stepped closer and Andrew raised a hand to his neck, feeling Neil’ pulse. It was faster than it should have been. Neil always looked at Andrew like the more he understood, the more he wanted to know. Neil was looking at Andrew with a little bit of that hunger now, and Andrew wanted nothing more than to tell him everything he knew.  _ What the hell am I doing? _ Andrew thought.  _ How did I get here? _

They stood like that till Neil looked away. Andrew drew his hand back and made to sit back down and read his book, till Neil said “wait,”

Andrew looked up at him.

“My father’s name was-,”

“Stop, Andrew said “I said you didn’t have to tell me. You don’t owe just because-”

“I want you to know,” Neil shrugged, and before Andrew could interrupt, Neil blurted out “Nathan, his name was Nathan,”

Andrew catalogued the information. He tried to figure out something to say. “You don’t…” He tried “ _ look _ like a Nathan,”

“I’m not, I’m Nathaniel,” Neil clarified.

“Awful lot of trouble over one name,” Andrew commented “Besides, Nathaniel doesn’t suit you either.” And with that, Andrew waved Neil off and went back to his book.

* * *

 

“What the fuck are you playing at,”

Andrew looked up from his book. “And hello to you too, Aaron.”

Aaron scoffed. “Oh, fuck you, don’t pretend like you care about pleasantries. What the hell are you trying to accomplish?”

“And what misguided conclusion are you referencing this time? More about my nonexistent relationship with Renee? Perhaps I joined a secret fight club? Or a competitive karaoke group?” Andrew smiled pleasantly. Renee looked up at the mention of her name, Andrew waved her off.

“That! Right there! What are you trying to do with the others?” Aaron was growing agitated. Or, well, more agitated.

“The others?” Andrew repeated dryly.

“Oh don’t play dumb, you were the one who enforced the separations, you don’t get to pretend like they never existed,” Aaron berated. Andrew sighed. Aaron had him there.

Andrew didn’t have time for Aaron to be pissy about him making new friends. Andrew had disregarded them before, he wasn’t now. And Aaron felt, what, jealous? Like he wasn’t getting enough attention? Tough. Aaron didn’t get to come in and tell him-

“They’re good people, and they’ve been through enough without whatever you’re trying to use them for,”  

_ What? _

“What?”

Aaron wasn’t being jealous. Aaron wasn’t being petulant. Aaron was being righteous. Aaron was being protective. Aaron wasn’t trying to get closer to Andrew, Aaron was trying to keep Andrew away from him, and the team. Like Andrew was dangerous.

Aaron scoffed “I said, stop playing dumb, Andrew, the team doesn’t deserve to be used, and you know it,”

Andrew tried as hard as he could to say something. Anything. “I’m not  _ using _ them,”

“Yeah right, Andrew. What other reason do you have to try and be friends with them? Everything you do is for a reason, and once the team figures out what your agenda is? They’re not going to give you a third chance.” And with that, Aaron gave one last huff and walked away.

Andrew stared blankly forward at the space that Aaron had left behind. His words ringing through the air like the sound of a slap, and stinging just as much.

* * *

 

Andrew felt his stomach drop lower and lower and lower as the plane rose higher and higher and higher.

_ God, what does Bee do in situations like this? What does Will do?  _ The answer came to Andrew like a flash of lightning. Bee’s  _ When in doubt, distract _ . And Will’s less poised  _ Distraction! Distraction! Distraction! _

“Kevin” Andrew whispered through gritted teeth. “I’m going to regret this, but I’m going to make  you an offer. If you don’t order any alcohol, I will let you,” Andrew swallowed hard and said what he had to “quiz me on Texas’s team.”

Kevin lit up like a firework “Done! How tall is Beckstein?”

Andrew sighed “Five-Eleven,”

It was going to be a long flight.

* * *

 

Andrew was looking at a wall of glass figurines. Betsy already had some of these, but there were enough of the animals to leave Andrew wondering which one Bee would like best.

Eventually he narrowed it down to the tiger, crouched, just about to pounce. He wasn’t sure how, but the glassblower had managed to capture the elegant, raw power of the tiger’s muscles at rest.

As he checked out, he felt eyes on him. He turned to see Neil looking at him while Nicky chattered on beside him, Neil didn’t seem to hear a word. Andrew turned back to the check-out counter.

A few minutes later, while he was eating an ice-cream, Nicky came up behind him and said

“Okay don’t freak out, but I think Neil likes you back,”

Andrew stopped, spoon halfway to his mouth. He slowly put the spoon of ice cream back in the cup. “Pardon?”

“I think he likes you back!” Nicky said, inviting himself into Andrew’s seat without permission. “Because earlier, when I was talking to Neil, he was tuned out, didn’t hear a word, because he was looking at you!”

Andrew chuckled and shook off any notion that Nicky’s suggestion had merit. “Nicky, that’s not a sign of Neil liking me, that’s a sign of him being creepy.”

“Ha-ha, Andrew. But seriously though, I think he really likes you!”

“He doesn’t,” Andrew said. “He doesn’t like anyone, because he doesn’t swing.”

“You see, I think he could,” Nicky said. “I think he just hasn’t had the chance to yet,”

Andrew huffed out a laugh. “Sure, Nicky, and maybe Aaron’s just a mass hallucination.”

“You’re not taking this seriously!” Nicky crossed his arms.

“There’s nothing to take seriously!” Andrew exclaimed softly “I’m not going to go after Neil after he has made it clear, time and time again, that he isn’t interested! And I’m not going to force Neil to like me because what the hell would that relationship even be besides emotionally abusive and resentful? Besides, even if he were interested, what would a guy like me give a guy like him? Huh?”

Nicky was dumbstruck “Andrew, you’re a great guy-”

“I know Nicky,” Andrew smiled. “Just not good enough for Neil. Now, I’ll let you share my ice cream with me if you shut up about things that are never going to happen and start talking about how crazy you think this amount of sugar is going to make Kevin,”

Nicky looked like he wanted to protest, but he looked away, sighed, and got up to grab a spoon.

* * *

Wymack grumbled. “If the bill gets any longer, we can use it as toilet paper for the next month,”

The team (except the quiet and health conscious) ignored him and continued chanting “Cannoli! Cannoli Cannoli!”

Coach Wymack raised his hands to command the group. “All right, all right, quiet down. Who here is impartial enough to decide whether or not we get dessert. Renee?”

Renee smiled devilishly and said “I defer my vote to Andrew”

“No,” Coach said immediately. “Let’s see, Neil?”

“I second the motion of forwarding my vote to Andrew,”

Wymack groaned. “Fine. Minyard?”

Andrew looked at Kevin, then the rest of the team, then at Wymack. He shrugged and smiled.

“Cannoli. Cannoli. Cannoli.”

The team whooped and cheered. Andrew hear Wymack grumble “You kids are going to be the death of me,”

* * *

 

The game was boring. Andrew tuned most of it out. All the interesting things happened after.

Andrew watched Neil freeze after a reporter asked him about his hidden tattoo. Then he watched Neil turn around and lie like he had never told the truth in his life (which, to be fair, he probably hadn’t).

The lie simultaneously built the foxes up and tore the ravens down while still keeping enough (albeit doubtful) neutrality between them that no one could exactly deny it by saying Neil was trash talking them. And what was better, the Ravens couldn’t refute it without further investigation being conducted. It was almost a work of art. Almost. Mostly, it was stupid. The Ravens weren’t going to let this rest.

And to top it All Fucking Off, he turned to Andrew right after and gave him a large innocent grin.

Andrew was going to kill him.

Still, he let Neil drag Kevin into the locker room and shove him into a locker and yell at him in French because what else could go wrong at this point?

Kevin looked at Andrew and Andrew raised an eyebrow in return. Maybe he  _ should _ step in. But no. Kevin said his name and said something about _ Andrew saying the same thing _ . Andrew was getting better at French. Andrew walked out of the locker room tired but not defeated.

He just hoped that he slept through the plane ride back.


	8. Chapter 8

 

Someone had vandalised his car. 

His car was ruined.

The windows were gone and the tires were slashed and the car was essentially useless. He had tuned out Renee after she told him what had happened.

His car was ruined. 

Nicky was wailing about a dead animal and Andrew felt like crying.

This car had been the first thing that Andrew had owned as Andrew Minyard: Free Man. The first real, expensive thing that he had ever had all to himself. His big, sleek, flashy car that he had bought on a whim. Because he was tired of being overlooked. Tired of being ignored. He had bought a big, new, expensive car because he wanted attention. This car had allowed him, for the first time in his life, to be really, truly seen. And it was gone. It was ruined.

His car was ruined.

Andrew was shaken out of his reverie by Allison striding past him to get to Aaron. She looked murderous. Andrew was right on her tail. She slapped Aaron before Andrew could stop her. Aaron was already flinching, expecting another blow, and Allison looked more than happy to oblige. Andrew caught her wrist before she could.

“Enough,”

Allison struggled against his grasp to hit Aaron again, Andrew grabbed her other wrist. “Let me go, Andrew,”

“Are you going to hit him again?” Andrew asked lightly, conversationally.

“I’m thinking about it!” Allison growled.

“Then no,” Andrew answered “Renee, collect Allison before she does something I’ll have to make her regret,”

Renee was over in a second, along with Matt and Dan, she held Allison back. “Thank you for not doing anything drastic,” She said softly.

“I’m still considering it. She slapped Aaron,” Andrew told her. She passed a struggling Allison to Matt and Dan.

Aaron stirred into reaction behind him. “What? Andrew, you-”

“Shut up Aaron,” Andrew interrupted. Aaron obeyed.

Andrew saw the cops coming around to ask about the ruined cars.

“Nicky,” He called “Talk to the pigs for me. I’m going inside,”

* * *

 

Andrew went into his dorm room and shut off the light. He sat in his bed and put his head between his knees. He stared down at the dirty carpet floor. Of course this is what happened. Andrew tried to be good, he tried to be nice, he tried to fix what was broken, and the world retaliated.

He called Will before he did anything stupid.

“Andrew, you’re early!”

“Ravens fans trashed the cars. All the cars,”

Will was silent for a moment of crackling air on the other side of the phone. Then “Your car? The one that you bought with-?’

“Tilda’s life insurance. Yeah. That car.”

“Oh god, Andrew. You must feel terrible,”

Andrew sighed out a laugh that hurt coming up his throat. He grimaced as it exited his mouth, sour and bitter. “It was bound to happen right? I fuck everything up.”

“What do you mean?” There was rustling on the other side of the phone. Will was moving quickly.

“I mean, if I’d gotten Neil to keep his mouth shut, or realized what Riko would do in retaliation, or even just fucking woke up earlier, I would have been able to stop at least some of it. This is on me.” As Andrew said it, he realized how true it was. There were a million ways to stop this before it began, and Andrew had just elected to ignore them because pretending that everything was all right was easier.

“Okay, one, bullshit. You do not deserve this. I don’t know what hell-being rigged your life to make it this fucked up, but I do know that it wasn’t your fault” Will’s voice jarred him out of his stupor. The rustling noises from the other side of the phone. “Two, you are not responsible for the actions of others. Neil chose to antagonize the Ravens. The Ravens fans chose to destroy the cars, and you couldn’t have stopped either of those things from happening. You don’t get to take the fall for this.”

Andrew was silent. He was stuck. He felt lost. Everything had gone wrong in what felt like no time at all. Andrew shifted his position and curled up in the fetal position on the bed. Phone laying on the mattress by his mouth. “God, Will. What the fuck am I supposed to do, then?”

“Well, answer me this: Where is everyone else? How do Aaron and Nicky feel about this, it was Nicky’s car too, right? And likely, it was the last piece of his mother that Aaron had. Maybe find them instead of stewing in your emotions alone. They probably feel shitty too,”

“And what, we’re supposed to bond over our shared pain like a goddamn Hallmark movie?” Andrew practically spit the words out, vitriol almost tangible.

“Yes, actually,” Will seemed affronted by his tone “And also, fuck you Minyard. I get it, you’re hurting, but you’re not a goddamn cat, you don’t get to hiss at me while you lick your wounds,” The rustling on the other side of the phone became more frantic and intentional.

Andrew sighed and let the fight go out of him. Will wasn’t the one he was angry at. “I’m sorry,” Andrew said.

“Damn right,” Will grunted from the other side of the phone. Rustle. Rustle. Rustle. Rustle. Growl. It was the familiar sound of an engine igniting.

“Where are you going?” Andrew asked.

“Well,” Will said. “First, I’m going to go to the grocery store and buy all their cookie dough ice cream. Then I’m going to drive down and see you. You didn’t think I wasn’t going to let you deal with this by yourself, did you, Andrew?”

Andrew was at a loss for words.

“Now, I’m on the road, I have to hang up, I’ll be there soon,” And then with intention “ _ Find the others _ ,” Andrew’s phone heard the click of Will’s phone hanging up.

Like clockwork, Nicky opened the door to find Andrew curled up on the bed, looking blankly at the now-silent phone. Nicky’s face softened immediately.

“Hey,” he said “How are you doing?”

Andrew looked at Nicky and considered answering stoically or rudely. It would be easy and Andrew would be free to be alone for longer. 

Instead, Andrew smiled weakly at Nicky and replied “Shitty. You?”

Nicky walked over and collapsed against the bedframe on the floor. “Wouldn't you know it? Also shitty.”

After a few minutes of silent contemplation and shared shitty feelings Andrew said “I told Will what happened. She’s coming down,”

Nicky let his head rest against the mattress and chuckled. “Well, thank god for little miracles,”

* * *

“Boo!” The foxes chorused as they threw garlic-and-rosemary popcorn at the tiny television in Wymack’s office.

Will’s first mission when she arrived at Palmetto was to meet all the Foxes. She met Kevin, Aaron, Nicky, and Neil again graciously, complimented Matt’s hair (which endeared her to him greatly), told Dan that she thought Dan was the best captain in the league, heavily flirted with Allison and, upon meeting Renee, had exclaimed.

“Damn, Andrew! When you told me about Renee, you didn’t tell me she was hot!” Renee had blushed and Andrew went red too, more in embarrassment than anything else.

It wasn’t the worst way that things could have gone.

Will’s second mission had been to, with the help of Nicky, make snacks for everyone, because, as she loudly declared “There’s no better cure for feeling wronged than junk food and pettiness,” The junk-food had come in the form of microwave popcorn that Nicky and Will had leveled up with some garlic powder, olive oil and dried rosemary, copious amounts of ice-cream as promised by Will, and Matt’s impressive stash of gummy-candy that he had been saving for a rainy day.

“No rainier day than this,” he said, lifting his mattress to retrieve the massive stack of sugary treats.

And the pettiness had come in the form of watching old Raven’s matches and cheering on the teams that rammed them into walls and scored against them, while also booing the Ravens whenever they scored or did anything particularly impressive. Which was often.

Dan and Nicky came up with a song that they would sing every time a raven got rammed into a wall. Something along the lines of  _ Pow, Boom, Blam, That Raven Got Slammed _ ! The lyrics changed and got somewhat more violent and full of onomatopoeia every time they sang it, but the sentiment was there. 

Katelyn had come over, likely invited by Aaron. She walked in and the tension in the air was there for only a second before Andrew smiled at her and thanked her for the chocolates. Katelyn grinned and took a seat near Aaron, who put a protective arm around her.

Allison and Matt released Animalistic howls and pounded on their chests whenever an opposing team would score and they somehow roped Neil into their antics. It was cute in a very it-was-not-at-all-cute-but-Andrew-was-too-far-gone-on-this-idiot-to-care kind of way.

The foxes were happy because they got to feel like they were exacting revenge, Kevin was happy because they were watching Exy, Andrew was happy because he got to watch the savage joy on Neil’s face as he taunted and heckled the black-clad figures on the screen. Everyone won.

At one point, even Wymack and Abby joined in on this strange revelry. Abby liked cheering on the other team, and Wymack seemed to take strange pleasure in tossing popcorn kernels at Ravens players when he thought no one was looking.

They had managed to turn a shitty situation into something that was okay. More than okay. They had all been cut. Deep. And they were healing together instead of letting the cut drive them back apart. Will caught Andrew’s eyes and smiled.

She stood up,drawing everyone’s attention.

“Well, this has been nice, everyone, I’ll be doing it again for sure, but as I have work tomorrow, I will be taking my leave now,”

The foxes groaned their displeasure at this.

“Hey, I just said I’ll be back, no worries! And also, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I need you to do something for me.” The foxes watched Will with rapt attention “When you see the ravens on court again,” Will’s smile was something the devil himself though was mischievous “give ‘em hell,”

Will walked out to the triumphant whoops of the team.

* * *

 

Andrew needed a smoke. He was essentially living these weeks from smoke break to smoke break. Aside from the occasional Family Dinner with Nicky and Kevin, and occasionally Renee or Matt, nothing interesting had been happening.

Andrew hated the rental car with a burning passion. It was a steely gray that was nothing like the sharp black of his old car. He had gone from being instantly noticeable to someone in the crowd.

As his family piled out of the car, Neil stopped Andrew before he could walk away. 

Nicky caught Andrew’s eye and waggled his eyebrows. Andrew glared daggers back. Nicky shuddered and turned back to leaving the car.

“Have you heard back from the shop?” Neil asked, sitting on the bed of the rental car’s trunk.

“It’d be less expensive to buy a new car than to fix the one they ruined. Besides, we’d probably never get the smell of fox carcass out of it,’

Neil smiled as he looked out onto the parking lot. “If your insurance company doesn’t cover a replacement, take the difference from me. I’m not short on money,”

“I don’t want your charity, Neil, keep your blood money.” Andrew raised his cigarette to his lips and Neil grabbed it, snapped it in half, and tossed it onto the asphalt

“Ninety-one percent,” Andrew said.

“Just take the money, you bought the last car with someone’s death, you can buy this one with someone’s life. My life. That money was going to be my new name when I ran away from here. Thanks to you I don’t need it anymore.”

“Goddamnit Neil,” Why did he have to be so damn good with words? “What do you want, hmm? What would you take for it?”

Neil quirked a brow, and Andrew knew that he didn’t understand how serious this was. “What would you give me,”

Andrew scoffed. Neil was just playing with him now. Andrew’s voice shook as he said it “Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to,”

Neil looked contemplative and mystified. Andrew stole his cigarette and then he just looked contemplative.

“Stop taking cracker dust. It’s an unnecessary addiction,”

Andrew took a long drag of Neil’s cigarette. “That’s not a fair trade. You can ask for something else, something small,”

Neil thought some more. He couldn’t come up with anything.

Andrew sighed. The sun was starting to set.

“I do this thing,” Andrew sighed “With Nicky and Kevin, where we cook dinner together.” Andrew grit his teeth. “Do. You. Want. To. Join. Us.” Neil turned his head, surprised but elated, to look Andrew, then nodded furiously. Andrew wasn’t sure if it was the cooking part or the family atmosphere Neil was attracted to, but it was definitely a yes.

Andrew wanted to bottle the way he felt when Neil looked at him like that. Andrew chuckled “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not your answer,” Andrew said softly. He smiled and looked out at the horizon. “and you sure as fuck aren’t mine,”

“Deal’s done then,” Neil smiled “I’ll bring the money over tonight,”

* * *

 

The night of the game with the Terrapins, Andrew was buzzing with anticipation. Not for the game, but for what came after. Car shopping. Andrew was going to get a car every bit as flashy as the last. And twice as fast. And he had Neil to thank.

He turned around to look at Neil to see him struggling with his locker, then disaster struck.

A pop, and Neil was covered in blood. Andrew was by Neil’s side and checking him over before he could register that Neil wasn’t wounded.

“Nicky,” Andrew’s voice sounded far away in his own ears. “Get coach,” Nicky was gone in a second.

Neil looked as if he had been separated from his own body. He punched the plastic back that had held the blood and then pulled it off the metal hook it had been hanging on. The metallic tang hit Andrew’s nose.

Neil moved to throw the bag and Andrew caught his wrist, then his other. Neil looked past Andrew like he couldn’t see him. 

“It’s ruined.” He was muttering “It’s all ruined,”

Andrew realized that he was talking about his gear. His fucking gear.

“Neil,” Andrew sid, his voice somehow echoey. “Neil, forget about your fucking gear for a second and look at me,”

Neil’s eyes focused on Andrew and if possible became even more wretchedly sad.

“Of fucking course,” Neil whispered. Tears began to well in his eyes. “I think things are going well, and then  _ this _ . I was stupid to think it would stop at the cars.” Neil was crying now. “Goddamnit”

Andrew stared at Neil for a few seconds, witnessing his descent into the hole that Andrew knew all too well.

Then Andrew pulled Neil into his arms and held fast. “Now you fucking listen to me. This was not your fault. You don’t deserve this,” Will’s words came back to him “You are not responsible for the actions of others. You don’t get to take the fall for this,”

Neil was shaking. Andrew felt blood seeping into his shirt. He didn’t care. He held NEil tight and let him sob into his shoulder till coach arrived. 

The rest of the night passed by in a blur. The birthday message. The game. Celebratory team dinner. Till it was time for Andrew to drive up to the nearest car dealership. Instead he drove to the court. Abby and Coach were getting ready to mop up the blood.

“You guys go home.” Andrew said. “I’ve got it,”

Aside from a raised eyebrow from Wymack, neither of them objected.

Andrew spent his car-shopping time cleaning up Neil’s mess. He didn’t stop till the floors and wall were cleaner than before the blood was spilt on them

He fell asleep on a lemon-fresh locker-room bench.

* * *

 

He woke up when Neil tried to sneak into the locker-room. Probably to clean up.

They stared at each other in silence for a minute or two

“Sorry,” was all Neil said.

“Uh, no. No, you’re fine,” Andrew replied.

The silence continued a minute or two longer.

“I came in here to clean,” Neil pointed out.

“Yeah, I- I did that.” Andrew pointed out in return.

Silence.

“You can come sit down,” Andrew said

Silence 2: The Electric Boogaloo

“Yeah,” Neil replied. Then he moved to sit down next to Andrew. He seemed to be trying to find something to look at that wasn’t Andrew.

“Why did you do it?” Neil asked “Clean up my mess,”

“Cleaning up your messes is my job,” Andrew replied

“That’s not what I meant,”

“What did you mean?”

Neil looked at Andrew and Andrew, for once, couldn’t read him.

Andrew sighed. Honesty was the best policy, after all. “I didn’t what you to have to clean it up,” He looked away and scratched the back of his head.

“Oh,”

“Yeah,”

“Thanks,”

“Don’t mention it,”

Neil tapped his feet on the floor. Andrew fidgeted with his armbands.

Andrew looked at Neil. Neil looked at Andrew.

“I thought,” Neil said “You were supposed to get your new car last night,”

Andrew shrugged “It could wait. I did this instead,”

“You missed out on getting your new car to scrub dried blood off the floor?” Neil asked.

Andrew laughed. “Well, when you say it like that, it sounds stupid,”

Sunlight was streaming in from the small windows above the locker-room, making the newly cleaned tiled on the floor geam white and orange. The sun rose to the perfect height and Andrew’s world was a swirl of white and orange. The lockers, the dust particles in the air, the light turned Neil’s dark hair into glowing orange against the white of his skin.

Andrew looked at him, awe barely concealed. His face felt warm.

“Your face is red,” Neil pointed out. 

Than was the last thing Neil said before he leaned over and kissed Andrew.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I've been gone forever, and this is a super short chapter, BUT, writer's block is a bitch and I wanted to spend some time with family before my schoolwork got really bad. But anyway, I really hope you enjoy.

Andrew was floating. He couldn’t see if he was, but he felt so light that he must have been floating. He had never wanted to live in a moment this badly before. Any ambition he ever had, he would gladly leave to the wayside if he could feel this way forever. Andrew didn't believe in heaven, he had been pushed hard enough to see that anything promising eternal happiness was either too good to be true, or an ad campaign. Still, feeling like this, it was easy to see that he may possibly have been mistaken.

He felt nothing but Neil’s clumsy lips on his, Andrew waited there a moment, savored the feeling, let Neil take kiss after kiss after kiss. He waited to see if Neil would pull back. Instead, Neil placed a gentle hand on Andrew’s jaw.

Instinctually, Andrew jolted backward. Neil immediately drew his hand back. Andrew could only stare. Neil looked surprised by his own actions. Neither of them said anything. Andrew’s head had gone quiet. It was only Neil, Andrew, and the stillness of the locker room. Slowly, Andrew guided Neil’s hand back to where it had been, then placed his own hand on Neil’s shoulder, and pulled Neil’s lips back towards his own, but did not kiss him. The question was implied.  _ Is this what you want _ ?

Neil’s eyes flickered down to Andrew’s lips and Andrew's fears rose up inside him. Then Neil moved forward and pressed his lips reassuringly to Andrew's. 

Andrew revised his previous statement. If heaven did exist, he didn't want it if he could have this instead. 

Neil didn't move his hands from Andrew's face, but at some point during the minutes (Hours? Years?) they had been kissing, Neil had moved to straddle Andrew and Andrew had one hand on Neil's back, and the other on the back of Neil's thigh.

Andrew knew he should feel like drawing back, should be too wary of touch to be enjoying this as much as he was, but he couldn’t find it in him to care what  he should be feeling like when Neil kissed him like  _ that. _

Neil kissed like he lived, fast and reckless. He pressed his lips to Andrew like he didn’t care if he ran out of air. They were drowning in each other, utterly surrounded. Well, Neil might not care if he drowned, but Andrew did. Andrew pulled back for air. Neil chased his lips and Andrew let him pull one more kiss from him, then pulled back and stayed back.

Neil’s eyes opened, and Andrew wanted to kill him for looking so dazed. Neil was the one who had kissed him, he didn’t get to act like he wasn’t. Still, Andrew couldn’t be angry at him when he was looking at Andrew like all he wanted was this moment to be forever.

“Neil,” Andrew said softly, impossibly softly. Neil didn’t react. “Neil, god damn it, what are we doing?”

Neil was silent for a long time. Andrew was about to ask again when Neil answered “Feeling,”

It was the most honest answer that Neil had ever given him for free. It still wasn’t the truth, at least not in plain terms, but it was true enough for now. 

“Feeling like I do on the roof?”

“No. Different. Better.”

Andrew leaned in and gave Neil kisses for his honesty.

It was a few minutes until Andrew pulled back again and Neil whined like a puppy who had been denied his favorite toy.

“Why then?” Andrew asked.

Neil pouted, or maybe he just frowned, and the kiss-bruised appearance of his lips made it look like a pout, either way, Andrew was resisting kissing him again. “Because I want to,” Neil answered brattily, and leaned in, Andrew reluctantly leaned back. This answer was less true.

“That's a nice sentiment,  _ sweetheart _ , but I'm serious,” the endearment was dripping with sarcasm, because otherwise, Andrew was going to be so unbelievably sappy for the rest of…  _ whatever this was _ . 

“So am I,” said Neil, so earnestly that Andrew almost believed him, but still, there was that edge of something else that made Andrew doubt, but it was truthful enough for now. Andrew kissed Neil again.

* * *

 

“Will!”

“Andrew?”

“Did I wake you?”

“Not exactly but I-” Will was saying something, but not to Andrew, it sounded a lot like  _ go back to sleep _ .

“Will, do you have a girl over?”

“No! Maybe… Yes. None of your business, why'd you call, aren’t you supposed to be driving your fancy new car back home right now?”

“Neil kissed me,”

There was a loud clunking noise from the other side of the phone, then some rustling. “Sorry, I dropped my phone, could you repeat that one more time?”

“You heard me, Will,”

“What if I didn’t? What if I heard you say that you were a flying pig?”

“God damn it Will,” Andrew turned to see if there was anyone behind him. “Neil kissed me,”

“Oh, I did hear you then,” Will said. “Fuck.”

“Right?” Andrew agreed

“I mean, how does that make you feel? Are we happy about this?”

“Mostly, but also so so so confused,”

“What, you guys didn’t talk about it?” Will asked. Andrew heard the sound of a coffee maker in the background.

“I mean, a little, but not as much as I’d have wanted to,”

“Please, Andrew, to keep him from getting away, you’d have wanted to have a full-on terms discussion. With lawyers. It’s all right to not have all the answers right now, as long as you know you’ll get them eventually,”

“I’m not sure Will, something about the way he was talking made me-,” Andrew stopped and realized what about Neil had thrown him. 

“...Made you what?” Will asked.

“Nothing, sorry, lost my train of thought,” He hadn’t, he most definitely hadn’t.

“But you are going to talk about it eventually, right? After you both let it settle in?”

“God, Will, I don’t know! I barely know why he kissed me, much less if it’ll happen again! He’s probably going to avoid me till I graduate now,”

“Hmm, and why do you think that?”

“Will, I hate to remind you, but you’re not my therapist,”

“Yeah, that’s Andrew Minyard for ‘I don’t want to talk about it, please stop asking’. I’ve got it, I’ve got you,”

“Go back to your lady friend, Will, I’ll deal on my own,”

“Yeah Yeah. Bye sweets, love ya,”

“Love you too,” Andrew said into the phone, then hung up and looked to see Aaron and Kevin. “How much of that did you hear?”

Aaron shrugged “Just ‘love you too’. Is that the therapist?”

“Yeah,”

Kevin raised an eyebrow. “And you’re dating her?’

“No, why does everyone think that?”

Aaron rolled his eyes and plopped down on the couch. “Maybe because you say things like ‘love you too’ to her, that might have something to do with it,”

“If you are dating someone, you shouldn’t let her get in the way of Exy, you career should come first,” Kevin’s comment was the perfect recipe to make Andrew lose it.

“Oh, like you’re doing with yours?” Andrew asked icily. Kevin’s face turned an interesting shade of red. “Trust me Kevin, if I were dating anyone, you wouldn’t approve anyway,”

“Because they wouldn’t like Exy?”

Andrew considered his answer. He  _ really _ considered his answer.  _ Am I really going to do this? Is this how I come out to Kevin and Aaron? _ Andrew took stock of Kevin, waiting impatiently for an answer, and then Aaron, pretending like he wasn’t listening raptly to their conversation.  _ Yeah. Sure. Why the fuck not? I’m feeling reckless today. _

“Because they would be men, Kevin,”

One second. Two. Then the realization hit. Aaron stilled. Kevin’s face turned redder. His mouth opened and closed like a fish.

“Oh,” Was all he said. 

Aaron looked at Andrew, then looked down at his hands. “You're gay?”

“Yeah, Aaron, I'm gay,”

Aaron looked back at Andrew, utterly confused. “You're sure?”

Andrew nodded “Pretty sure.” He didn't know why he felt so nervous. Seconds passed by, each second bringing a new doubt.

How was it that every time Andrew made an impulsive decision, he ended up feeling like this?

Finally Aaron sighed and shook his head. “Well, okay then. There goes my bet with Dan I guess,”

Andrew had to fight the smile rising up on his face.

* * *

 

Andrew pulled up to the car dealership in his stupid rental car with Neil’s stupid money, ready to trade temporarity and a new life with a shiny new toy and some goddamn permanence for once in his life.

Andrew knew which car he wanted immediately, a shiny black Maserati that would catch every eye on the street.

Buying the car was long, and tiring process full of assuring an earnest saleswoman that, no, he did not want oil treated seats, yes he was sure. Still, Andrew needed a car, and this was the way to do it. 

After a long few hours of signatures, Andrew returned the rental car and taxied back to the dealership to drive home in his new car. His car. Andrew had his very own blood-money Maserati. 

He added it to his list of things to thak Neil for.

* * *

 

Nicky was the only one waiting for him when he got back. He surveyed the Maserati and let out a low wolf-whistle when Andrew stepped out.

“So you got your new car then,” Nicky observed

“I did, yes,”

Nicky shook his head. “Damn, Andrew, how did you afford this? Do you have some secret job I don’t know about?”

“Neil gave me the money,” Andrew shrugged.

“Damn, Andrew!”

“And also he kissed me,”

“Damn, Andrew!”

“I also came out to Kevin and Nicky,”

“DAMN, Andrew, Jesus, I- is there anything else so i can get all of my ‘damn, Andrews’ out of the way?”

“Not that I can think of right now,” There was a far-away quality to his voice, like Andrew was miles away from his body. He felt warm and giddy and so so so exhausted.

Nicky’s face softened. “You’ve had a big day. You must be tired.”

Andrew didn’t say anything, but he nodded. Nicky placed a hand on his upper back and Andrew let himself be led away like a child that had stayed up too late.

“You know, I’ve got some homemade hot-chocolate mix that my professor gave me. There’s cinnamon in it, so it tastes extra Halloween-y,”

Andrew scoffed “Halloween was months ago,”

“Nonsense, Halloween is a state of mind.” Nicky said, waving a hand nonchalantly in the air. “Besides, it’s supposed to go great with that russian honey cake I made on Saturday,”

“Russian honey. That’s what they called me in high school,” Andrew joked.

“No they didn’t,” Nicky said “Are you even Russian?”

Andrew shrugged. “How would I know?” He led Nicky lead him along. Maybe tomorrow he would confront Neil, talk to Kevin. He didn’t have to worry about any of that now. Now, he was tired.

He had just had a very big day.


	10. Chapter 10

When Andrew came out of his room, he found the rest of the foxes marveling at his car. He couldn't say he wasn't a little bit proud of himself. They were all gathered around the black Maserati in a horde. Neil was there, Andrew noted. He did not acknowledge Neil.

Matt was the first to see Andrew coming and he excitedly waved Andrew over. “Andrew! Your car!” 

Andrew smiles “I know, right?”

“Start it up! Let me hear it!” Matt pleads.

Andrew was hopping into the driver's seat in seconds to turn the ignition. The engine playfully purred to life and Matt threw his hands up in the air like he was conducting an orchestra. Andrew grinned and rolled his eyes at Matt's antics. Andrew caught Neil looking at him and smiling and Andrew shook his head to rid himself of his brain's traitorous Neil-related-thoughts. 

Andrew instead turned to Matt. “Wanna take it for a ride?” Kevin glared at Andrew. “Relax, Nicky still has his rental car and we won't be late for practice. So Matt, what do you say?”

Matt turned and looked at Andrew like, if he had the opportunity, he would marry Andrew on the spot. “Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!”

“Geez Minyard, try not to steal my boyfriend,” Dan grinned.

Matt was already in the passenger seat.

Andrew grinned as Matt hurried to buckle his seat belt and sent Dan a wink. “No promises,” 

And then they were off. 

Andrew turned on the radio and drove to a road that he knew would probably be empty this time of day, and spent smoothly down, miles per hour climbing steadily. 

Matt was a frenetic ball of energy, bouncing in his seat and bobbing his head to the music. Andrew rolled down the windows and enjoyed the feeling of the wind whipping his hair about. Matt stuck his head out the window and whooped.

Andrew finally slowed his pace and Matt calmed down a bit, though he was still grinning.

“Hey can I ask you something?” Matt asked, cautiously optimistic.

“I would prefer you didn't, but go ahead.”

Matt smiled “Okay good. Are you dating Renee?”

Andrew groaned. Why did everyone think he was dating Renee? “No. Never happened. Never going to happen.” 

“Okay, what about Neil?”

Andrew broke out coughing.

“Woah woah woah, are you okay? Did you swallow a bug? God that happened to me one time and it was the worst, roll up the windows,” Matt rambled.

Andrew shook his head “No bugs, you just surprised me,”

Matt looked out at the road with a contemplative look on his face. “Woah. Weird.”

“What’s weird?”  Andrew asked.

“It’s just, you’re never surprised, you’re always kind of unshakable. Even now that you’re, like, not super repressed anymore,” Matt shrugged. 

Andrew sighed. “You probably could have worded it better,”

Matt nodded. “I probably could have. So. Neil?”

“That’s not going to happen either,” Andrew said. Neil didn’t swing. At least, Andrew thought so. Andrew figured that Neil only kissed him because he wanted to avoid talking about why there was a mess for Andrew to clean in the first place, and knew that a kiss would keep Andrew occupied. Andrew was just mad at himself for not figuring it out earlier. “Neil doesn’t swing.”

Matt  _ hmm _ ed thoughtfully. “And what about you?”

Andrew didn't say anything.

Andrew heard a sharp intake of breath, then a sympathetic “Oh, Andrew”

“Yeah.” Andrew said.

“Well, hey, I'm always here, you know that.” Matt said.

“Thank you, Boyd” Andrew smiled “But I'm on strict orders from the captain not to steal her boyfriend”

A surprised laugh burst out of Matt. “Touche, Minyard.”

Andrew smirked and turned the car to get to practice.

//////

Kengo Moriyama was in the hospital.

This meant two things. One, Andrew had to be on guard in case Riko decided to lash out. He didn’t need any more surprises before the final.

And two, Kevin was ridiculously on edge. He practiced obsessively, well, more obsessively than usual anyway. He also decided that this was a good reason to run practices like a dictatorship. This wouldn’t have bothered Andrew, except his promise to Neil left him struggling through drills like the rest of the foxes.

It was after one such practice that he and Nicky collapsed onto the couch, panting and out of breath, while Kevin dragged Neil to stalkerishly analyze Exy games with him.

Andrew hadn’t spoken to Neil directly since the kiss. What would he say?  _ Hey, kissing me to distract me was a real dick move, and it was really embarrassing that I didn’t realize the reason you were doing it sooner, but you’re a really good kisser, and the way you look at me makes me feel like I own the world, so would you pretty please do it again? _ No. No way. Neil knew what he’d done and if he wanted to talk about it he could confront Andrew himself.

Nicky was the first to recover from practice enough to speak. “So, what are we doing for dinner?”

Andrew considered, what kind of fast food would be suitable to annoy Kevin with? “Pizza?” he panted. 

“I’ll call and order when I can feel my legs again.” Nicky nodded and let his head rest back on the bean bag cushion. “Extra cheese for you and me, mushrooms and olives for Kevin and Aaron, and… what does Neil like on his Pizza?”

Andrew shrugged. 

“Oh, come on, Andrew. Have you talked to him since you guys kissed?” Nicky’s head lolled to look at Andrew.

Andrew turned so that his head was pushed into the pillow on the couch “I don’t want to talk about it.” he said, the pillow made it sound muffled and pathetic.

“And  _ I’m  _ the dramatic one.” Nicky groaned. “Look, I’ve let you mope long enough. I will lock you two in a room together if I have to, but you need to talk about it.”

Andrew sat up and crossed his arms. “I have nothing to say to him. If he’d rather kiss me than tell me anything truthful, then that’s his business, and I’ll leave him to it till he decides what he wants.”

“I think what he wants is  _ you _ ,” Nicky said

Andrew scoffed.

“I’m serious, what’s it going to take for you to actually believe he likes you? He stares at you like he’s pining, and you say he doesn’t like you. He gave you money for a car? Oh no, he must just be grateful. He literally  _ kisses _ you, and you say it’s because he’s trying to distract you from his problems. Maybe, just maybe, he actually likes you, and you’re too afraid to be loved.”

Andrew opened his mouth to protest. Then he closed it again. “Jesus, Nicky, when you put it like that I sound like an oblivious asshole.” Nicky glared. “Fine, I’ll talk to him,”

Nicky immediately perked up. “Yay!”

Andrew got off the couch. “I’m going to get some ice cream from the store. Are you coming?”

Nicky paused. “Sure, just let me get something.”

Andrew waited until Nicky came back. The ‘something’ he needed to get had apparently been Neil.

Andrew opened the door for them, and as Neil walked out, Andrew glared at Nicky. Nicky shrugged and grinned at Andrew, then walked out as well. 

Oh well, Andrew guessed that this was going to be a fun evening.

/////

When they came back, Nicky insisted he take on the mantle of delivering Kevin’s ice cream. Neil was understandably confused.

“Nicky, it’s fine, I can give it to him.”

Nicky wouldn’t hear of it. “No, no,  _ no _ , Neil. I’ll do it, I _ insist. _ I’m sure you and Andrew can find something to talk about, right Andrew?”

Andrew looked up from the back of his pint of ice cream. “Nicky,” he began, “I love you, I really do, but if you don’t leave this room right now, I might kill you.”

“Right,” Nicky said nervously “Cool cool cool. I’ll just choose a movie while I’m out there then.” Nicky turned on his heel and walked out.

Neil snorted. “What was that all about?”

Andrew refused to look up at Neil. “Just Nicky being Nicky.”

All Neil said was “Oh.” There was a long silence in which Neil moved and sat next to Andrew on the bed, and Andrew read, then re-read the ingredients on his pint of chocolate-chip-cookie-dough ice cream. Then Neil said “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

Andrew looked up at him. “No, you shouldn’t have,”

“It was a mistake, I swear.” A mistake. _ A mistake _ . Out of all the thing Neil could have said, he said the one thing that made the situation worse. “I wasn’t thinking,”

Andrew snorted “Oh, trust me, I know  _ exactly _ what you  _ weren’t thinking _ . I’m not an idiot, Neil, did you think I was going to let it go so easily?” 

“I know, and I’m sorry, I have no excuse for what I did, but I was caught up in the moment and-”

Andrew wanted to laugh “Cut the shit, Neil, you were trying to distract me,”

Neil’s face went blank. “What?”

“From the locker room, Neil, what do you think I’m so angry about?” 

Neil still looked infuriatingly confused and un-chastised. “That I kissed you so unexpectedly, and without your permission?”

Andrew’s mind went blank for a moment. He’d been so busy being angry about being deceived, that he’d neglected to get angry about that. “Oh. Right. That. No you shouldn’t have done that either,”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m apologizing for. What are you mad about? What distraction from the locker room?”

Andrew looked Neil up and down “Considering how confused you are right now, I don’t think there ever was one.”

“So… you’re not mad I didn’t ask to kiss you?” Neil asked, moving slowly, almost imperceptibly towards Andrew.

Andrew did the same, shifted an impossibly small distance closer to Neil. “No, I am. Was. I don’t know actually, but the answer was yes at some point. That wasn’t all right.”

“It wasn’t. I’m so, so sorry.” And Andrew could tell that Neil meant it. “It was shitty of me, it was a shitty kiss.”

Andrew frowned. “I didn’t say that.” Neil looked at Andrew confused. “Don’t get me wrong, it was an asshole thing to do, a real dick move,” Andrew sighed “But the kiss itself was… not terrible. You’re a not-terrible kisser.”

Neil went two shades redder. “Oh.”

Andrew pointed a finger at Neil. “Don’t do it again. Don’t kiss me if you don’t know for sure that I want you to,”

“I won’t, I promise.” Neil said, so quickly and so surely that Andrew couldn’t doubt his sincerity if he tried. There was a pause. “Do you want me to? Kiss you, I mean?”

“Now or in general?” Andrew asked.

“Either, both,”

Andrew thought about it, long and hard, and Neil “Yes. To both.”

Andrew pushed Neil down on to the bed, softly, slowly, giving Neil plenty of time to decide that this wasn’t what he wanted.

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked, voice shaking slightly.

“Yes,” Neil breathed, and Andrew kissed him.

And kissed him. And kissed him. Time went by but it was unimportant, who cared how long a second was when he was kissing and being kissed by Neil Josten. Andrew knew what it was like to be focused on something, but even then, there were always other things in the background, running constantly. Andrew hadn’t quite noticed them at all till now, because now they were gone. Chased away by the insistent press of Neil’s lips.

Neil’s hands had found a comfortable place under Andrew’s shirt, on the small of his back. 

Andrew pulled back for air and Neil whined. “Breathe, idiot,” Andrew said, his lips brushing Neil’s, then he dived in for another kiss. And they kissed and kissed and-

“Oh my god!”

Andrew and Neil separated at Nicky’s voice.

“Jesus fuck, Nicky I thought you said you were leaving us alone!” Andrew complained.

“Yeah, to talk and work out whatever drama you guys were having, not to make out on my bed, I sleep there!” Nicky complained right back.

“Who’s making out where?” said Kevin, behind the times as usual.

“Neil and Andrew!” Nicky replied.

Andrew scoffed “Wow, why don’t you tell the whole world, Nicky!”

“Wait, what’s going on? What’s Nicky telling the whole world?” Said a new voice. Matt, followed by Aaron and the rest of the foxes.

Andrew gestured at them. “What are they doing here?” He asked Nicky accusatorily.

“I invited them for movie night! It’s not my fault you decided to make out with Neil!”

“Wait, who’s making out with Neil?” Dan asked.

“Andrew,” Kevin answered.

“ _ In my bed _ ,” Nicky added

Matt threw his hands up in victory “Yes!”

“You’re not helping.” Andrew said.

“Oh, finally,” Dan said.

“Finally?” Aaron asked her.

“It was kind of obvious,” Allison agreed. “You and Kevin owe me, Matt, Renee, and Dan twenty bucks each, and I aim to collect, boys,”

“Andrew,” Neil said from next to him. “You’re a beetroot,”

Andrew buried his face in his hands. “Shut up, let’s just watch the movie,”

And they did.

/////

The days after that were fast and full of Exy.

The team was in round three now, and Kevin had decided that the team’s sole purpose was to get as many points as possible before they got to the finals.

The rest of the team had decided that their sole purpose was to gang up on Neil and Andrew and mock them mercilessly.

“Oi, Minyard!” Dan would call during practice “Ogle Neil on your own time!”

Whenever Neil suggested hanging out at one of the upperclassmen’s dorms, the response would usually be something along the lines of “Sure, as long as you stay off my bed.”

A notable example was during Andrew’s check-up with Abby. 

“I have to go get something,” She said. “If Neil comes in here, leave room for the lord.”

“Et tu, Abby, et tu?”

Abby cackled as she walked out.

“I’m sorry Andrew, that’s just how it is with relationships in the foxes,” Matt explained. “The same thing happened to Dan and I when we first got together, and you and Neil getting together wasn’t half as story-worthy as that.”

Andrew grinned. “I don’t think I ever heard that story.”

Matt smiled at the memory. “I had asked her out a few times before, but she wasn’t interested, too many assholes on the team trying to undermine her authority as captain by trying to date her, you know? Still, my mama taught me to respect a woman’s boundaries, so I backed off.

Few months later, the same assholes who were trying to make her look weak found out what she used to do for a living, and Dan wasn’t as cool about it then as she is now. So we’re at a club one day, right? And it’s got one of those dancing poles in it. I hear the fuckwads saying some nasty shit to Dan while Allison and Renee aren’t there to back her up, telling her to dance for them and get back up on the pole. And I’d never seen Dan look so  _ destroyed _ before, man, she was almost about to cry.

And I couldn’t go up to them and fight them, how would it look if a big angry black guy just went up to a little skinny white dude and started whaling on him? So I told the DJ to put on something by Britney Spears and I got on the pole and I fucking rocked it to  _ Toxic _ . I’d never pole danced before and I’m never going to do it again, that shit leaves you  _ sore _ , but the guys stopped fucking with Dan when they saw me dancing, and when I finished and got off the stage, Dan ran over, fucking  _ dipped _ me, and kissed me so hard I think I fell in love on the spot. 

Long story short, I never saw that shirt again, I think someone at the club caught it when I took it off and stole it.”

“Damn,” Andrew said, as they got to the dorms. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see it.”

“So am I. Don’t worry the teasing will die down in about a month,” Matt said, unlocking his door. “I’d invite you in, but there are beds in here,” 

Andrew flipped Matt the bird as the door closed, shaking his head 

Still, it wasn’t like Andrew could complain. For every tease and quip about him and Neil, there was a moment with Neil to make it all worth it. For every grin, a smile or laugh from Neil, for every hard practice, a date with his boyfriend. ( _ His boyfriend! _ ) 

Finally a month had passed and everyone had more-or-less forgotten the Bed Incident aside from the occasional quip now and again. Neil was sitting next to him on the bus ride to play the Catamounts.

Everything was looking up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it's the riot scene and also the scene where Andrew loses it on Kevin so 1. Violence warning and 2. I suuuuck at writing both action and angst, which feature heavily in this chapter, so please don't come for me in the comments. It's a long update, but I hope you enjoy.

“Would you love me if I was a fish?” Matt asked Dan.

“Hmm. If I were a fish too, and assuming fish are capable of love, then yes. Would you love me if I were a sweater?” Dan replied.

“I love some of my sweaters, it's not a stretch that I would love you if you were a sweater. So, yeah. Would you love me if I were a star in the sky?” Matt teased.

“No debate, yes,” Dan answered, and kissed the back of Matt’s hand like a prince.

“Fuck’s sake, we get it, you’re in love, shut up already!” Allison called. “I wish you’d never invented that stupid ‘would you love me’ game.”

Renee smiled. “I think it’s sweet,” which shut Allison up. Matt and Dan continued their game.

Andrew rolled his eyes from the back of the bus, and Neil giggled.

“What, not into romance?” Neil asked, fluttering his eyelashes in a perfect picture of mock innocence.

“We’ve been dating for a month, you should know how ‘into romance’ I am,” Andrew said, taking wrapping an arm around Neil and pulling him close.

“Hmm. I know you only worded that sentence like that because you wanted to say the words ‘we’ve been dating for a month’,” Neil noted with a cheeky grin.

“You’re not completely wrong about that,” Andrew said. Neil gave a pleased hum and snuggled further into Andrew’s chest.

“Go on then,” Neil said, and there was a teasing edge to his voice that Andrew had grown to be wary of. “Would you love me if I were a thief?”

Andrew smiled softly. “Yes.” Then Andrew’s smile grew. “Would you love me if I were a murderer?”

Neil snorted “Well duh, I think that one was too easy. Would you love me if I were immortal?”

Andrew smiled softly. “Till the day I died.”  Andrew couldn’t see Neil, but he knew that he was smiling. “Would you love me if I were a zombie?”

“Ooh,we could be undead boyfriends,” Neil suggested. Neil though for a moment an paused and Andrew knew he was going to ask Andrew for something then. “Would you love me if I asked you to break our deal.”

“Well, that depends. Are you asking me to break our deal?”

Neil pulled away from Andrew to look him in the eyes. There was a sad quality to them then. Andrew couldn’t exactly put his finger on what the look meant. “I’m asking you to let me go.” Neil said. 

Andrew looked Neil up and down. Neil’s face looked at him earnestly and Andrew didn’t know why, but he knew Neil was up to something. Still, he trusted that Neil wouldn’t do anything stupid or reckless if he wasn’t around. “I’m not sure I completely know what this is about,” Andrew began “but alright.”

Neil smiled and pressed a kiss to Andrew’s lips and Andrew’s worries melted away. “Thank you” he said, and settled back against Andrew. For a moment, they watched the landscape pass by and Andrew let himself relax. Neil said in a bittersweet voice. “I’ve been here before.”

And  _ ah _ , Andrew understood why Neil was so torn up. Neil didn’t like talking about his past, or anything that reminded him of it. Andrew knew the feeling. Still, if Neil wanted to talk, Andrew wasn’t going to stop him.

Neil told him of all the cities he’d visited, in the country and overseas. All the names he’d had through the years. Andrew could almost imagine Neil as the blonde 11-year-old Stefan or the dark haired Alex.

Andrew rested his head on Neil’s. “I prefer you,” 

Neil’s breath caught and stilled, before he reached up and squeezed Andrew’s hand until he couldn’t feel it anymore. Andrew didn’t mind, it was a pleasing numbness, and when the feeling came back, he felt Neil’s hand on his own. Andrew understood what Neil could not say.

* * *

 

Andrew was gearing up in the locker room

“What would it take for you to shut out the Bearcats?”

Andrew turned. Neil was looking at him, determined. “Reinstate the deal,”

Neil’s resolve shook a little bit because Neil was trying to keep a smile off his face. “Nice try. What else?” Neil bumped Andrew playfully on the shoulder.

“What would you give me?” Andrew asked, fastening his helmet.

Neil hummed and turned on one heel to face Andrew as he walked- no, floated out of the locker room. “Whatever you want!”

Andrew felt a pang of something strange filter through his chest. Andrew knew that it took a lot of trust for Neil to give away something like that, but for Andrew, he’d done it without thinking.  _ All right, whatever I want? I can work with that. _ Andrew walked out to the court. _ Let’s get a shutout. _

The Bearcats put up a good show. At first. The first half of the game, Andrew found some fun in pretending to yawn every time he blocked a shot, which had two benefits. One, it made the Bearcats angry and by default, sloppy. Two, it made Kevin furious.

By the second half, the Bearcats were trying harder and Andrew found himself actually having to work to block their shots. His sweat beaded around his neck and his heart was beating out of control. Before long, Andrew was invested in the game. He hadn’t tried to be, it just happened. One moment, he couldn’t care less what was going on around him, the next, his world revolved around keeping the buzzer from flashing red.

And he did, oh he did.

The Bearcats may have tried to be an unstoppable force, but Andrew knew he was an immovable object.

They won the game. Duh.

Andrew found himself.. happy that they had won? The feeling wasn’t completely unusual, but it was more than just a grim satisfaction. It felt bigger, it filled his chest more. 

“Good show, Minyard,” coach greeted him in the locker room. 

Dan grabbed him and spun him around like they were a couple reuniting after the war “Andrew, you gorgeous sweaty bastard! Get over here so I can give you a big sweaty hug!”

Andrew grinned. “No offense, Dan, but ew, gross,”

“Fair enough, I’ll leave that to Neil.” He grinned

As Nicky walked into the locker room he smiled, bright and wide. “Who's that? Is that my cousin? Who just got us a shutout? What a legend!”

“Good job.” was all Aaron said, and Andrew took it with a grin.

Andrew turned to Kevin expectantly to find Kevin staring at him grimly.

“You did well. You’ll have to be better against the ravens.” 

Andrew huffed. That was the best he was going to get.

Matt burst into the locker room with Renee, both singing  _ For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow _ and Andrew found himself on Matt’s shoulders, the foxes singing to him and his heart thudding along.

Andrew was lowered  with a  _ Which nobody can deny! _ as Neil walked in the room and, high on victory, he grabbed Neil’s face and planted a kiss on him. Andrew’s head was soaring and his heart was light .

“So what did you think of that?” Andrew grinned. “Your boyfriend’s pretty cool.”

“That he is,” Neil smiled, then his brow furrowed, like he was about to do something difficult. Then, like it was the last time he would ever do it, he kissed Andrew, hard and fast, and Andrew’s heart sped up from the sheer intensity of it. He heard someone, Matt or Nicky, wolf-whistle in the background.

When they finally pulled up for air, Andrew smiled, dazed. “What was that for?”

Neil didn’t answer and instead said “I want you to know that you’re wonderful.”

Andrew smiled and clasped Neil’s hands between his own. Someone was happy about winning. “I’m not the only one.”

Neil stared at him like he wanted to stay in this moment forever, and Andrew couldn’t blame him, they were high on victory and on top of the world.

Still there was something strange about the way Neil was looking at him.

Andrew smiled confusedly. “What?”

“Nothing, just…” Neil kissed him again, slower, sweeter. “Thank you. You were amazing.”

Andrew didn’t know why Neil looked so sad as he left.

* * *

 

Andrew lost track of everyone when the riot started. 

It was everything to do to keep himself standing while people rushed by. He was being knocked around by people much larger and much more malicious than himself. He felt a hand close around his wrist and whipped around.

It was an unknown attacker and Andrew had a knife on him in a second and slashed at the attacker’s arm, before the man had knocked the knife from his hands and threw a punch to Andrew’s chest. The man was obviously used to fighting bigger opponents, so Andrew’s best tactic was keeping low to the ground. Andrew avoided a few punches by ducking before he grabbed his heavy racquet from his bag and swung it into the man’s solar plexus.

Aaron. Nicky. Kevin. Neil.

He looked around wildly until he saw a familiar mop of curly dark hair. Nicky. Nicky was hunched near the ground. No one was hurting him, but he couldn’t move around anywhere.

Andrew shoved his way through the crowd to Nicky. Nicky’s face melted in relief and he reached for Andrew. 

Moving through the crowd was easier now that there were two people doing it. Andrew finally got Nicky to the stairs to the parking lot. 

“Get to the bus, I’m going to go back to find the others,”

Nicky nodded and descended down the stairs.

Andrew was already rushing back into the crowd to find the rest of the Foxes. The area behind the stands was still teeming with angry Bearcats fans. Andrew hid behind a garbage can and scanned the crowd looking for someone, anyone.

Kevin made it easy for him, he was already struggling his way out. Andrew grabbed his arm and pulled him the rest of the way out. Kevin’s nose was bleeding.

“Are you all right? Do you think your nose is broken?” Andrew asked hurriedly.

“No, the bleeding will stop, I will be alright.”

“Abby was waiting for us on the bus before the riot, have her take a look at you.”

Kevin looked down the stairs, then back up at Andrew. “What about you?”

“I’m going back for Aaron and Neil.”

At the mention of Neil, Kevin’s eyes widened “Andrew I-”

“What?” Andrew asked. Did Kevin know something about this?

Kevin looked back at the crowd “Be careful.” Then he disappeared down the stairs.

Andrew raced back into the crowd to find Aaron and Neil. His head darted around wildly. He couldn’t find either of them. Andrew’s eyes flitted around the crowd of people.

_ Come on, come on, come on _ . Andrew moved around, being jostled by elbows and hips.  _ There _ . 

Andrew did whatever he had to in order to get to Aaron, he shoved and tripped and stumbled and pushed. He was almost to Aaron. Just a few more-.

Andrew was interrupted by a sharp pain to his shoulder. Andrew hissed and turned. An ugly, angry looking man had grabbed his shoulder and wrenched him around. Andrew didn’t have time for this.

Andrew tried to move before the man could attack again, but he was interrupted by a sharp hit near his eye. The man had driven an elbow into Andrew’s temple, but had missed by a few inches. 

The world spun around for a few moments and Andrew tried not to stumble. He tightened his grip around his racquet and drove it up between where he knew the man’s legs would be. 

Lucky shot.

The man doubled over and Andrew made it to Aaron. He was bruised and unresponsive, so Andrew hauled Aaron up, leaned Aaron’s weight on him, and tried to drag him out of the brawling crowd.

The extra weight was hard to move, and Andrew couldn’t get to the crowd.

“Andrew?” mumbled Aaron, just close enough to Andrew’s ear so that Andrew heard him.

“I’ve got you,” was all Andrew could say. “I’ve got you,”

It was all Andrew could do to avoid the fights around him, if he couldn’t get Aaron out soon, then they were both toast.

“Andrew! Aaron!” someone called. 

Matt, who was moving towards them like a big, beautiful miracle. 

“Matt, I don’t know what’s happening, I think he hit his head, we need to get him to Abby.” Andrew called over the noise of the fights and screams around him.

Matt nodded solemnly, then picked Aaron up. Aaron’s head lolled like a rag doll. “I’ll get him to Abby, I promise,”

Andrew watched Aaron go and turned back to the crowd.

Andrew moved through the crowd, trying to avoid fighting when he could, until he saw “Renee!” 

Renee turned. When Andrew finally reached her, he was worse for wear, but when Andrew and Renee fought back to back, god have mercy on whoever tried to beat them. Two years of sparring together had made Renee and Andrew a war machine. 

They moved together until they saw Dan and Allison, swinging their racquets and trying to keep away attackers. They were both bruised and clearly exhausted.

The man that Andrew had hurt earlier was there, meeting Allison’s strikes with parries of his own, he knocked Allison’s racquet away and grabbed her arm, wrenching her towards him. He was hissing something nasty, judging by the look on his face.

Renee was over in a second, and with a strength that Andrew didn’t know she possessed, sent the man sprawling with a right hook and an uppercut.

“Get your gear,” Renee said. “We’re leaving.”

They were close enough to the second exit that it was easier to move towards it than back the way they came.

They met a security guard that ushered them out, along with some other confused college students.

In the parking lot, Andrew got to the bus and counted heads. Wymack had gotten out all right, and Abby was treating wounds, but someone was still missing.

Neil was gone. 

Andrew raced back into the building, shouldering past dazed fans and security guards till he was in the empty area where the brawl had been, there were still a few stragglers picking up their things and cleaning the remains of streamers and posters.

Andrew scanned each face, but didn’t find the one he was looking for. 

He saw a glint of metal in the corner by a water fountain. His lost knife.

He quickly slipped it back in it’s sheath and turned to look for Neil. What he saw instead stopped him in his tracks.

Sitting on the floor, looking almost comically untouched, was Neil’s black duffel bag. 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, the adrenaline had worn off and Andrew’s eye was starting to throb. Andrew was clutching Neil’s duffel bag on the bus. He would want to have it back when Wymack found him.

Wymack had to find him. There was no way that Neil was just… gone.

Was there?

What if Neil thought that this was too much and left in the riot? What if he was hurt and couldn’t move to the bus? 

What if someone had taken him?

Nicky sat down next to him and Andrew’s head snapped up. “Is there any news, did Wymack find him?”

“Not yet, but we haven’t finished calling all the hospitals in the area,”  Nicky said. Andrew turned away and curled a little further into the duffel bag. “Hey, they’ll find him. But you need to make sure that you’re all right when they do. You’re lucky you didn’t break anything, and you still need to bandage up your hands.”

Andrew let out a hopeless breath, and when he spoke, his voice was small and weak. “I wanted to be here for him when he got back,”

In the corner of his eye, Kevin flinched.

“I know, Andrew, I know.” Nicky put a comforting arm around him and led him off the bus.

* * *

 

Andrew was waiting for a call on the bus with the rest of the Foxes. They were driving back to the hotel. Dan and Matt were huddled together in the corner, not saying anything, just sitting. Aaron would be alright. His unresponsiveness at the riot was a result of shock an instinct.

Renee was staring at the floor with a blank look on her face. It was a cruel reminder that she knew all about these kinds of violence. Allison’s head was on her lap, blonde hair splayed out over Renee’s thighs and the bus seat

Kevin wasn’t injured, but he wouldn’t stop shaking. 

Aaron and Nicky were quite the picture. Aaron was cradled in Nicky’s arms and Nicky was rubbing comforting circles into his back and pressing soft kisses into his hair and saying things like  _ there there _ and  _ it’s alright _ , and something in spanish that started with  _ sana sana _ .

And Andrew was alone. He was sitting on a bus seat, and in Neil’s place, his duffel bag.

Wymack was on the phone at the front, pacing as much as he could in the limited space.

“Yes, yeah I said his name is  _ Neil Josten _ .” a pause. “I understand. Thank you.” Wymack hung up and was silent for a moment. Then he threw his phone on the ground and yelled “God  _ damn _ it!”

It had been the last hospital in the area.

No one said anything for a few moments.

“David-” Abby started.

“No, Abby, one of my kids is  _ gone _ . Do you hear me? He’s fucking _ gone! _ ” 

“Coach-” Dan tried.

“ _ What _ ?” Wymack growled.

Dan looked back at Andrew and Wymack fell silent.

It didn’t matter, Andrew wasn’t paying attention to that. Andrew was trying to find out why Kevin looked so goddamn guilty.

Kevin hadn’t done anything. The only reason he would look like that was if…

And then it clicked.

Andrew’s hands were around Kevin’s throat before Andrew knew what he was doing. Andrew ignored the cries of horror from his teammates.

“Fucking coward!” Andrew yelled “Useless piece of shit!”

Matt and Dan pulled him off and Andrew struggled against them. Kevi dropped to the ground, hands around his throat, trying to regain his breath.

“Minyard, what the fuck?” Coach yelled.

“He knows something Wymack! He knows where Neil is and he won’t say anything!” Andrew’s voice came out cracky and desperate and he felt something wet on his cheeks. He hadn’t even realized that he started crying.

“That doesn’t mean you get to choke Kevin!” Allison said, gesturing to him. Kevin was regaining his breath, slowly.

There was silence on the bus except for Kevin’s labored gasps and Andrew’s wracked sobs. He had done that. He had caused Kevin that pain. Andrew fell to his knees

“Kevin what did he mean, you know where Neil is?” Nicky asked.

Kevin looked around. All eyes were on him. When he could finally breathe again, Kevin uttered only two words.

“Neil’s dead,”

Andrew surged forward again, but Matt and Dan were there to hold him back.

Once Kevin started talking, he didn’t stop. He told the team everything. About the butcher. About Neil’s past. About his ties to the Moriyamas. About his time on the run.

When they finally got to the hotel, Andrew had sat down. He didn’t know what to think or feel. He didn’t even know if he could.

“Coach, you had better get Kevin off the bus.” Matt said. “Because if Andrew doesn’t kill him, I will”

Wymack looked around “All right. We’ve all had a hard night. We’re going to wake up first thing tomorrow and call every hospital in the area until we find Neil,”

“Wymack-”

“No, Reynolds. We are going to call every hospital in the area. If not, the police stations. And if we don’t find him there-” Wymack’s voice cut off, choked by the lump in his throat. “If we don’t find him there, we’ll call the morgues. But we’re finding Neil if it’s the last thing we do.”

And with that, they entered the hotel.

* * *

 

Andrew was sitting in his room, curled up in his bed. He hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on, and there was no moon in the sky that night. 

The rest of the foxes (including Andrew) had been hesitant about leaving Andrew alone in a room with Kevin, but Kevin insisted.

Kevin was sitting in the bed closest to the window, his back was to Andrew.

“I’m sorry.” Andrew said.

Kevin turned. “No, don’t be, I should have said-”

“Yes, you should have. That’s not the point.” Andrew interrupted “It doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do.” Andrew sat up. “I promised to protect you, and then I turned around and hurt you myself. I violated our promise, and your trust, and there’s  no excuse that can justify that. I understand, if you want to end our deal.”

“What? Andrew, no.” Kevin stood and crossed the bed. “It’s al-”

“No.” Andrew said “Don’t you dare say it was alright. I could have killed you. It wasn’t alright.”

Kevin looked down. “In the back of my head I know that. I do. But I’m having a hard time believing that I didn’t deserve it.”

“Kevin I-”

“Listen to me, Andrew. I’m not going to pretend I have a very healthy relationship with violence, but what you did is comparatively better than what he did. Tensions are running high and I should have told you what was happening. You didn’t hurt me just because you felt like it. It’s different.” Kevin said.

“It’s not.” Andrew said, shaking it’s head. “It isn’t different, Kevin,”

Kevin moved and sat next to Andrew. Andrew waited for him to say something, but Kevin just rested his head on Andrew’s shoulder. Andrew froze up, then relaxed. Kevin wasn’t good with words, this was as much of an acknowledgement as Andrew would get. This said  _ it’s not alright now, but it will be _ . Andrew looped an arm around his shoulder. .Andrew didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but it was enough time for Kevin to fall asleep.

Andrew turned his head, careful not to wake Kevin, and looked at the stars. He was thinking about Neil. 

It was funny how attached to someone you could grow without noticing. Andrew felt like someone had ripped the heart straight out of his chest. He wanted a smoke, but it wouldn’t feel right without Neil. Nathaniel. No. Neil. Nathaniel didn’t feel right either. 

Andrew was angry. Angry that he had been lied to. Angry that Neil had let Andrew get so close, and still planned to go off and die. Angry that he didn’t do anything about it. Andrew was so angry that he felt hollow. Like if he tried to feel anything else, the anger would just burn it away. The tears came again. Softer this time. Andrew let them fall, careful not to sob or make a sound, or he would wake Kevin. 

He looked up at the stars again. With no moon in the sky, the stars shone bright and lovely, and it seemed almost a crime that something should be so beautiful when Neil was gone.

Matt and Nicky burst in, stumbling over each other. Andrew turned  and Kevin snapped awake. 

“It’s Neil,” Matt panted, breathing hard. “They found him,”

Andrew’s breath caught in his chest, he waited for the bad news. 

Instead, Nicky’s voice.

“He’s alive”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I was originally going to publish this chapter and the next chapter as one joint chapter, but the ending of this chapter felt like a good ending for this beat? So bad news: this chapter's a short one and you guys are going to get the rest of it sometime next week. Good news: this chapter is the reunion! So I hope it makes up for that.

“Drive faster!” Wymack growled.

“Sir, if I drive any faster, I'm going to get pulled over,” said the nervous bus driver.

“Kid, I will pay your ticket, and then some for the trouble. Step on it,” 

The bus sped up after that.

The foxes were braced in their seats. Most of them were too afraid to move with the bus going this fast, but no one was willing to tell Wymack to slow down. Not with Neil this close. Not when he could be taken away or moved at any moment.

No one was speaking. No one could think of anything to say that wasn’t  _ what the hell happened to Neil _ . They all knew that he was alive, but this was a group of people who knew that there was a big difference between  _ alive _ and  _ alright _ . They all knew Neil was injured, but they didn’t know how much.

Andrew’s arms were braced on the seat in front of him and the side of his own seat.

Andrew’s legs were braced, ready to spring up in a moment.

Andrew’s face was blank.

Andrew’s heart was racing so fast he didn’t even know if it was beating.

Andrew’s head was thinking  _ Neil Neil Neil Neil Neil _ …

They didn’t get pulled over. The driver parked the bus. Wymack fished around in his wallet and handed the bus driver three crisp twenty dollar bills, clapped the driver on the shoulder, and, with a strength and agility that no one thought he possessed, leaped off the bus and sprinted towards the building.

The foxes followed suit with a few cries of “Move it!” and “Hurry up” and “Damn it, Kevin tie your shoes later!”

They caught up to Wymack while he was screaming at a guard.

The guard was a tall, pasty man wearing an FBI uniform and a hat that covered salt-and-pepper hair that was a little more salt than pepper. He was looking at Wymack from behind a plexiglass booth with a smile that Andrew could only describe as mayonnaise-looking. He was in the middle of telling Wymack that he couldn’t enter the premises.

Andrew was in favor of pushing past him and breaking in through the sealed doors, but Renee could tell what he was thinking, and put a warning hand on his shoulder.

“What the hell do you mean you can’t let me in, you’re the ones who called us here!” He yelled.

The guard at the front of the building gave Wymack a patronizing smile and, like he was talking to a child, explained “I’m sorry, but we can’t let you in without proper authorization.”

“Okay. Where do I go to get authorization?” Wymack asked, barely managing to keep his anger in check. Andrew could feel Dan seething next to him at seeing her father-figure be so disrespected. Andrew would probably feel the same if it wasn’t for the  _ Neil Neil Neil Neil Neil _ pounding in his head like a heartbeat.

The guard’s mayonnaise smile only widened as he grinned “Well, that isn’t my problem now, is it?”

Wymack scowled and his hands clenched into fists. “Now listen here you smarmy fuck-”

Wymack was interrupted by the opening doors. The mayonnaise guard turned in surprise. 

Behind the doors was a stocky, sturdy looking man in an FBI uniform and khakis.

“It’s alright, Thompson, I’ve got these folks from here.”

The mayonnaise guard, Thompson, scowled and let them through. 

The doors shut behind them, and the foxes were led through a long, blank corridor to a balcony with some folding chairs and a sofa scattered around. The stern agent waited as they all took their seats.

“Hello. My name is Agent Browning. I’m here to talk to you about your teammate, Nathaniel Wesninski. You all knew him as Neil Josten.”

The foxes were silent.

“As you know, Nathaniel disappeared yesterday after the riot. We believe he was abducted by Lola and Romero Malcolm. Two associates of the Butcher of Baltimore.”

Andrew thought the foxes did a very good job of pretending to be surprised, though Matt’s  _ No, God, Why!? _ Was a little bit over the top, but who was he to judge? The chant was thrumming in his chest now.  _ Neil Neil Neil Neil Neil _ .

“We'll talk about that as soon as you move your bus. As much as I hate to separate you all,” Agent Browning did not look the least bit remorseful “we can't have the press catching sight of your bus at this secure location.”

Wymack stood, Andrew liked this situation less by the second. As soon as Wymack walked out, a group of agents filed in.

The foxes, on principle, were distrustful of the police. The FBI fell under the same category.

“We’re going to have to pat you down. Empty your pockets.”

Nicky scowled. Dan furrowed a brow. Allison scoffed. Renee looked vaguely disapproving. Kevin looked resigned, Aaron looked annoyed, and Matt looked downright murderous.

Kevin was the first to submit himself to examination

“Fuck this.” Aaron muttered, then moved to join him, followed by Renee.

One by one, the foxes allowed themselves to be examined, all except Andrew, who crossed his arms in defiance.

“Hey,  _ hey _ , watch your hands, asshole” Allison hissed.

Browning sighed. “Miss Reynolds, please keep your comments to yourself. This will be over in a moment.” 

Allison sent him a look that meant she was absolutely thinking about bashing his head in with her stiletto. Andrew was considering joining her.

After all the other foxes were done, the room looked to Andrew. Andrew realized what they wanted him to do.

“No.” was all he said. 

“Mr. Minyard-”

“No.” Andrew repeated. “I don’t want any of you to touch me.”

Browning sighed. “I’m beginning to notice a common trend with you Foxes.” He looked at an agent and they seemed to communicate an idea. The agent moved closer to Andrew.

“Woah woah woah,” Dan said “You heard him, don’t touch.

The agent shrugged “have it your way.” and handcuffed Andrew to the railing on the balcony.

Nicky lunged for Browning, Kevin and Aaron caught him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” called Matt

“Get that thing off my cousin right fucking now.” Nicky said darkly. Andrew had never heard him sound so angry.

“I’m sorry, but if he won’t cooperate, this is how things are going to go.”

“It’s alright.” Andrew called to silence them. They quieted down, though none of them looked happy about it. “As long as we get to see Neil.”

Browning huffed. “I don’t understand why you’re so intent on seeing him. The kid lied to you. You never really knew him.” Oh and didn’t that just cut to the bone? Browning had hit on their insecurities within a minute.

“You let us be the judge of that.” Renee said, ever the mediator. Though there was a bit of edge in her voice. Just enough to let Browning know that she wasn’t on his side.

Allison scoffed. “We wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand anyway. Now bring him out.”

Browning scowled and turned to leave.

There was a few minutes of sullen silence. Then Browning returned.

“Listen up, people. You’ve got twenty minutes. Let’s keep this orderly and have only one person up at a time.”

“Twenty minutes?” Dan called as Browning dropped his arm “You’ve got to be joking, why do-” Then Neil walked in. “Oh my god.”

Neil was a mess. He was bandaged on almost every part of the skin that his outfit showed. The bits of skin that weren’t bandaged were red and raw. Neil’s face and hands looked the worst. His eyes jumped from face to face, fox to fox, before finally stopping on Andrew.

For the second time in two days, Andrew’s body moved before his mind. Andrew didn’t know whether he was going to hit Neil or embrace him, he would figure that out on the way there. He caught the Browning’s movement too late.

Neil grabbed Browning’s arm a second before Andrew’s handcuffs stopped him from moving any further. Andrew helplessly watched Neil double over and fall to his knees, pulling on his arm, just trying to get to Neil.

“Don’t,” he heard Neil say through clenched teeth.

Andrew reached out his other arm, as close to Neil as he could get, and placed a hand on the back of Neil’s neck.

Once the pain fled from Neil’s face, he looked up at Andrew. There was a question in his eyes that meant a million things that Neil couldn’t put into words. Andrew understood all of it. He sent back a comforting half smile, trying to convey all of his answers.

Neil was in his arms in half a second.

It was like, when the riot started, Andrew had been holding his breath. And he had held his breath the whole night, and he had held his breath the drive here, and he had held his breath on the way to this room, and somewhere along the way, Andrew had grown used to the feeling of suffocation. And  the moment Neil was in his arms, Andrew could breathe.

Neil was in his arms and Andrew couldn’t help but think of it as Neil returning home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copy of notes from beginning incase you didn't see them: "Okay, so I was originally going to publish this chapter and the next chapter as one joint chapter, but the ending of this chapter felt like a good ending for this beat? So bad news: this chapter's a short one and you guys are going to get the rest of it sometime next week. Good news: this chapter is the reunion! So I hope it makes up for that."


	13. Chapter 13

After listening to Neil recount a carefully-edited version the past ten years of his life to the police and watching him obstinately sign every one of his papers with “Neil Josten”, Andrew was ready to go home, crawl into bed, and just sleep until next June. Still there was one thing he wanted to have before he left the FBI headquarters for good.

“What’s that?” Neil asked when Browning begrudgingly handed Andrew the paper. Andrew showed him. Neil grinned.

When they got on the bus, they were greeted with silence. The foxes looked at Neil expectantly and when he didn’t answer, Andrew.

Andrew held up the paper for all to see. Smiles crept up on to the foxes’ faces, slowly, as they read what the paper said. 

Andrew broke the silence with a sing-song voice and a grin.

“Guess who we just murdered?”

The foxes let out a group cheer as the paper fluttered to the ground. 

It read “ **_Certificate of Death: Nathaniel Wesninski_ ** ”

* * *

“Wait, so you were only in Germany a few months before me?” Nicky asked. “We could have caught each other!”

Neil laughed “That’s a nice thought.”

They were all gathered in Dan and Matt’s hotel room, sharing the contents of three boxes of pizza as Neil regaled them all with tales of his past.

Allison pointed a manicured finger at Neil “And you were in France too at some point, right?”

“For a bit, I was in Switzerland before. That’s where I learned French. ” Neil nodded. “Britain for a while. “

Kevin rolled his eyes “All these countries, all this knowledge, and yet, you still sound like an idiot all of the time.

“That’s not the point!”

Andrew watched this display, relaxed and bemused. He watched his teammates bicker and banter until coach walked in and told them all to head to their rooms.

The foxes all filed out into the hallway. Neil caught up to Kevin and started talking to him softly, Kevin looked shocked, then considerate, then resigned, and nodded to whatever Neil had said. He turned and walked off in the direction of Wymack’s room.

“Hey, can we talk for a minute?” Andrew asked. The question turned more than a few heads.

“Sure,” Neil said.

Some of the nosier foxes conspicuously held back to try and catch their conversation until Andrew glared them off.

“So.” Andrew said.

“So.” Neil replied, waiting for Andrew to continue.

Andrew shut his eyes, sighed, and decided to just rip off the band-aid and ask. “Were you lying? About liking me?”

“What?”

“I mean, were you pretending to like me so you could get me to break our deal?” Andrew re-iterated. “I won’t get mad if you were-” Once the words were out, Andrew couldn’t seem to stop talking. “-you were obviously under a lot of pressure, and you didn’t want to get found out, and it was an easy way to get me to stop asking questions-”

“Andrew-” 

Andrew kept going “-and it’s fine if that’s the reason, well it’s not  _ fine _ , but I understand if that’s the case-”

“Andrew.”

“-and I get it if you were just pretending to date me, but I’m just going to say that I hope you weren’t.” Andrew waited for Neil to finish, but Neil had gone silent. “I hope you weren’t pretending, because, I… oh what the hell, I’m just going to say it. I’m crazy about you, Neil Josten, you make me crazy. And when you were gone I-” Andrew looked at Neil and hoped his face was saying everything he couldn’t convey with words “-it broke me. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t  _ breathe _ . When you were gone, it felt like a part of me was gone too.” Andrew took a deep breath. “I think I love you Neil, just a little bit, and that scares me, but I think I like it, so I really, really, really hope that you weren’t pretending”

Neil opened his mouth, then closed it. Andrew couldn’t read his face and he hoped he hadn’t done anything wrong. When he opened his mouth again, he said “god damn it, Andrew. Yes or No?”

Andrew couldn’t say yes fast enough.

* * *

 

That night, they lay in bed together, Kevin was still in coach’s room. According to Neil, they had “a lot to discuss”.

“So.” Neil said

“So.” Andrew replied, waiting for Neil to continue.

Neil bit his bruised lip and then hissed. He had forgotten it was injured.

Andrew raised his hands to Neil’s face and ran a gentle thumb down Neil’s lip and felt Neil smile under it.

“So what now?” Neil said softly “Does everything go back to the way it used to be?”

Andrew mulled it over. “If you want it to.”

“I’m not sure I do.” Neil said.

“Well that’s fine too.” Andrew assured.

“It’s not that the way things were was so terrible,” Neil says “There are things I liked about it, having friends, playing exy, being with you,”

Andrew felt a rush of warmth all the way to his toes.

“God, Andrew it’s super dark and I can see you blushing,”

“Nevermind that, keep talking,”

“Right. It’s just that-,” Neil sighed. “Andrew, I don’t know if I can be Neil Josten again.”

“Bullshit” Andrew said matter-of-factly, and Neil startled.

“What-”

“Bull-shit,” Andrew repeated. “I know you’re not in the clear yet and I know everything kind of sucks ass right now, but you’re Neil Josten if you say you are. How you see yourself is the one thing you’ve got that no one else gets to say a thing about. If you don’t want to be Neil Josten, that’s another story, but if you do, then you are” Andrew sighed “Besides, you can’t exactly be Nathaniel anymore, since he’s effectively dead and gone”

Neil leaned forward and kissed him. “You always say the best things”

“It’s a gift,” Andrew kissed back and tangled their legs together Neil moaned in protest.

“Andrew! Your feet are freezing!”

“Not my problem, gorgeous” Andrew teased, poking his toes into Neil’s calf.

“Wear socks, I’m begging you!”

“Blasphemy,” Andrew grinned and kissed Neil again.

There wasn’t any more speech for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I'm sorry, this chapter was promised a few weeks ago, and it's so so so short. The only excuse I can give is writer's block, and I know that isn't a good excuse, but it's the one I have. There isn't much more left and I promise I'm going, but writing even this much was just so hard for me. I promise the next chapter will be longer. Thanks for being so patient while I got over it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back babes. For the penultimate chapter! I never thought I'd get this far. Hell, it was hard to get back to writing this, but I am, and I did. So I hope you enjoy it.

“Andrew, where the hell did you learn to make daiquiris?” Allison asked, her voice was abrasive.

“Eden’s. Why, do they suck?”

“Andrew, if it was physically possible to make love to a beverage, I would, with this daiquiri.” Allison elaborated

Healing was a slow process, Andrew had learned. The foxes were just now learning how to stumble around the fractures they'd been aggravating all year and it wasn't easy on anyone. Still. Slow progress was still progress.

Dan hadn't been able to look Kevin in the eye since the news that Wymack was his father had come out, and no one had quite gotten the hang of acting normal around Neil yet.

However, Andrew was also learning that daiquiris and impractical vacations helped. Already, Neil was smiling more, and the foxes were becoming closer than ever. 

The notable absence was Kevin. He had stayed behind to spend time with coach. Andrew had to admit, the space would be good for everyone.

Nicky was doing his party trick of choice, fancy cocktail mixing. It used to get him tips like no ones business. No one was giving Nicky any money now, but it was nice to see the foxes impressed at Nicky for once. Andrew could tell he was enjoying the attention.

“Woah!” Matt said after a particularly complex turn at a martini “can you teach me how to do that next time?”

Nicky played it cool, but his eyes were shining. “What, that? There's nothing to it.”

Andrew caught Aaron's eye and rolled his eyes. Aaron chuckled and shook his head. They were all too familiar with Nicky's methods of showing off.

Renee came out of one of the bedrooms. She announced: “Neil is airing out his hands. Try not to say anything about it.”

The foxes stilled.

Andrew began making Neil's drink and the mood resumed, if subdued now.

Neil came out.

Dan sucked in a breath through her teeth. 

Andrew kept his eyes away from Neil for as long as he could, but his eyes were eventually drawn to Neil's hands.

Neil's hands were raw and red in the places that weren't mottled blue, purple, and yellow.

Andrew wanted to hit something.

Andrew forced himself to look away. He fumbled with the drink only to find that he had poured a strange hybrid of a margarita and a mint julep. He handed the drink over to Aaron, who was just glad to have the alcohol.

Matt saved the situation. “So. Um. How about a movie?”

Neil smiled slowly, trying to show everyone he was alright, careful not to upset the injuries on his face, which he’d also left unbandaged. “A movie sounds great, Matt.”

* * *

 

Dan had gotten to the roof before Andrew. He had pushed up the hatch to the roof to find that she was already sitting up there, looking out at the stars.

“It's nice, huh?” he said.

Dan jumped a mile high “Jesus, Andrew! I almost fell off the roof!”

“Wouldn't be too terrible.” Andrew grunted as he hoisted himself up onto the roof of the lodge. It was slanted, so he'd have to be careful. 

Dan snorted and looked back out. The stars were nice out here, in the middle of nowhere. Andrew had never seen them like this.

“Wymack would love this.” Dan sighed

“Would he?” Andrew asked. “I didn't think it was his style.”

“Nah he loves sentimental crap like this.” A pause. Andrew waited for Dan to let herself ask for what she wanted to know. “Did you know? About Kevin?”

“No.” Andrew resisted the urge to pull out a cigarette. “I didn't.”

Dan looked away. The look on her face was a mixture of guilt, shame and anger.

“You're mad.”

“What? No! I-” Dan looked at Andrew's unimpressed face. “Yeah.” She said “ Yeah. I'm mad.”

Andrew laid back and looked up at the stars. He patted the area of roof next to him and gestured for Dan to do the same. She did. “Talk.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dan sigh, almost relieved. She had probably already vented her frustrations, to the girls maybe, or Matt. But at the end of the day, they would try and comfort her. Andrew would not. He knew enough about anger to know that sometimes people just needed to seethe. 

Dan hesitated. Andrew didn't blame her. Dan had been one of the slowest to trust him, and their issues wouldn't be solved immediately. But Andrew was going to try, and Dan seemed like she was going to. She sighed heavily. “How dare he, Andrew? Kevin knew all that time that Wymack was his father and he said nothing. Wymack deserved to know. After all he did for Kevin, after all that Kevin put him through with the Moriyamas? He deserved to know. Wymack deserved the chance to be a father, and Kevin took that from him.” Dan spoke like the words were spilling out of her, like she couldn't stop them if she tried.

Andrew knew what Renee would do. Hell, Renee had probably done it. Tell Dan to look at it from Kevin's point of view, try and see the big picture. He wasn't going to do that. The wasn't what the real problem was anyway.

“You’re right.” Dan wasn't expecting that. “Wymack deserved the information, and Kevin was wrong to keep it from him.” Andrew looked at her “But what are you upset about?”

“I just told you.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow and Dan sighed.

“Jesus, Minyard. What do you want me to say?” Dan sighed. She looked up to the heavens again and squeezed her eyes shut “I'm jealous, alright? I'm jealous. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Andrew only shrugged. 

She buried her head in her hands. “It's awful. I'm awful.”

Andrew put a hand on her shoulder. “You're not. No one thinks that.” 

“It's not fair. Andrew. And I know that things aren't supposed to be fair, but that doesn't stop it from hurting when they aren't. Wymack was…”

Dan struggled for the words. Andrew decided to help her out. “Yours. Wymack was yours.”

Dan let out a suffering breath “Wymack was mine. I was supposed to be the one that got a dad. And I know that it's naive to think that I'm the only one who looks to Wymack like a father figure, and I know he doesn't belong to me but…” Dan sighed and let the end of her sentence trail off.

“But he was yours.” Andrew finished.

Dan looked at him then, and Andrew knew that she was thinking about Aaron and Nicky and Kevin and Neil. She did not correct him.

Andrew looked up at the stars. They were so much brighter out here. “Dan, you're not going to go home and suddenly find out that Wymack has suddenly replaced you. Wymack loves you. Always has, always will. I mean, he loves all of us, no matter how many times you mess up, the guy is there with another chance and a stupid pep talk. But you? I think you're his favorite.”

“Oh, Andrew, don't-”

“You are. You care about the team, you care about his message, and you know that he likes stupid sappy stuff.” Andrew reiterated firmly. “And I don't know how that's going to change now that Kevin's in the picture, but I don't think it will. And if it does?” Andrew shrugged “second place isn't bad.”

“That's a terrible thing to say.” Dan said, but she was smiling.

“Well then you're just as terrible for agreeing.” Andrew said. “I'm going to smoke now.”

Dan shook her head “you really shouldn't.”

“I know, but I'm gonna.” Andrew said.

Dan moved to leave.

“Dan, wait.” Andrew said. Dan stopped.

“If it helps at all, I’m pretty sure everyone else in the world likes you a lot more than they like Kevin.”

Dan laughed all the way down the stairs.

* * *

Neil was pouting when Andrew came back into the cabin. Or doing his best to, the injuries on his face wouldn't let him. His face had been bandaged up, but his hands were still unwrapped and raw.

“What.” Andrew said.

“I tried to go up to the roof and Matt wouldn't let me.” Neil said.

“And you're mad at Matt for what? Denying your death wish?” Andrew said.

“I wouldn't have died.” Neil muttered, scooching farther backwards into the fluffy pillows he was surrounded by. The picture as absurdly… cute. Andrew smiled. “What, why are you looking at me like that?”

Andrew strode right up to Neil and kissed him, quickly and chastely, but a kiss all the same.

Neil was looked at him confused, but pleased, the corners of his lips turning up. “What is it?”

Andrew smiled, his nose almost touching Neil's, and said softly “it's you.”

Neil pushed Andrew's face aside softly with his fingertips, his face redder than it had been before. “You are such a sap.”

“And yet…” Andrew trailed off.

“And yet...” Neil confirmed, before looping his arm around Andrew's neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

Andrew and Neil had kissed a lot since they had gotten together, and still, Neil managed to strike Andrew a little bit breathless every time it happened. 

Andrew's hand slowly found its way under Neil's shirt. He was warm to the touch. He ran his hand up Neil's torso and Neil moaned, the sound high and lovely.

Unfortunately, it also brought Andrew back to reality. He pulled back.

“No strenuous activity.” Andrew reminded Neil.

Neil groaned and fell back onto the bed. “This is the worst day ever.”

“I don’t know” Andrew replied. “I don’t think it’s been too bad.”

* * *

Andrew was sad to see the log cabin go in the rearview mirror and even sadder to spend three hours on a plane back home.

Still. Neil held his hand for take off and landing, and he watched some action-adventure movie to get his head off of the death trap surrounding him. It wasn’t all bad.

The paparazzi that swarmed them when they reached the airport near palmetto, though? That was all bad. No doubt about it.

Neil’s injuries were asked about, but they were of no importance compared t what the paparazzi really cared about.

“Foxes! Foxes! Can you tell us how you took the news that Kevin Day is David Wymack’s son?”

“Mr. Boyd! Did you know about Day’s parentage?”

“Ms. Wilds!  Ms. Wilds-”

“No comment.” Dan choked out. 

The foxes moved in a pack to get out of the airport and into their cars.

A particularly persistent reporter followed them through the whole way. He called out each of the Foxes in turn. It was almost admirable. Almost being the operating word.

Before they got into their car, he made the fatal mistake of saying “Mr. Wesninski-”

He didn’t get out another word before the full force of the foxes rounded on him. He shrunk back a little. Andrew reached for his armbands.

“Look man-” Aaron started before Neil held up a hand to silence him.

Nicky leaned back and whispered to the foxes “Oh my god, it’s happening, someone record it.”

Matt had his phone out in a second.

“No, Aaron, I think I’d like to have a little word with our friend here.” Neil smiled icily. “What’s your name, sir?”

The man gulped“Tom-”

“Well Todd,” Neil continued, cutting him off. “I think you and I have to have a conversation about respecting what people want to be called, yes?” He continued before the reporter could answer. “You see Terry, when someone tells the public what their name is, it takes a special kind of idiot to not only forget that name, but to then go up to them and call them by the wrong name. Am I wrong Allison?”

“Not about this.” Allison replied.

“Right, so you’re either a special kind of idiot, or you’re just rude. I don’t know if anyone ever taught you manners, Tim, but it doesn’t take that much effort to be polite. For example, I could comment on that vague sprinkling of tiny hairs on your chin and neck that you’ve probably started calling a beard, or the oil spill that is your dye job, or the fact that you’ll never be anything more than an instigator on the hunt for soundbites and headlines that anyone will only ever see one time, and even then probably never pay attention to, but I didn’t. You know why? Because I have manners. It would do you some good to learn some, Tina. My name is Neil Josten. It would do you some good to learn that too.”

Neil turned and strode off.

Andrew snorted and turned to follow.

The ride home was full of about two million replays of Neil’s rant. Wymack was waiting for them at the court. 

“You couldn’t have made my job even a little easy? How long were you even on the ground before making my life a living nightmare?”

Neil shrugged. “He started it.”

And just like that, they were back.

Kevin was a small distance behind him, looking tired, but content, and surprisingly, sober. Andrew was happy about that. Something was different about him. It took a second for Andrew to zero in on his cheek.

“Your tattoo.” Andrew said. It was a chess piece.

“Holy shit!” Nicky said. “Why a pawn?”

“It’s a queen.” Kevin, Andrew, and Allison said in unison before all looking vaguely embarrassed.

“I thought, let Riko be the king. The most coveted, the most protected.” Kevin smiled sheepishly “I’m gonna be the deadliest piece on the board.”

“And how drunk were you when you had this thought?” Matt asked.

Kevin grimaced. “Extremely. Some would even say inhumanly.”

Andrew sighed. 

Dan spoke up.”But you went through with it.”

It was the first time she had talked to Kevin since she had found out about Wymack. 

Kevin looked her in the eye for a few seconds, Andrew couldn’t tell what passed between them during that silence, but they came out of it smiling.

Kevin nodded. “Yes.”

Her voice was fierce, but proud. “Good.”

It was going to be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for putting up with this unofficial "hiatus", I've been dealing with some personal stuff, but I'm back and I'm happy to be releasing this chapter


	15. Chapter 15

Kengo Moriyama was dead. He had been ill for a while. But now he was dead. 

Riko Moriyama was, unfortunately, someone Andrew had to keep an eye on now. He hadn't made any moves, but it was only a matter of time.

“I'm going to go get someone.” Renee replied, dialing furiously on her phone. 

“Wait, what?” Matt asked.

Andrew and Renee locked eyes, but before either could say anything, Allison cut in.

“Jean Moreau.”

Andrew and Renee stared at her.

“What, am I wrong?”

Andrew shook his head and Renee returned to dialing. She held the phone to her ear. “Hi, mom?”

“Kevin, make yourself useful, contact Jean and tell him to get ready to go.” Andrew said. 

“Wait wait wait, what can we do?” Asked Dan. “He's going to need some help when he gets here.” Dan shrugged.

Andrew wasn’t sure exactly what to do, he looked at Renee, but she was currently indisposed with actually  _ getting _ Jean out.

“Okay, yeah, um. We're going to need somewhere for him to stay.” Andrew said.

“I'll call Abby.” Dan said immediately.

“I'll get him some new clothes, just in case he can't pack anything.” Allison offered

“Yeah, and like, combs and toothbrushes and stuff.” Matt tried.

“He'll be hungry.” Nicky said. “Andrew, Aaron, I'm going to need a hand in the kitchen.”

“What can I do?” Neil asked.

“Rest” the fixes chorused.

Neil pouted.

The foxes, sans Neil, began preparing for their guest

 

* * *

 

Jean Moreau was battered and bruised, but no broken bones, no internal bleeding. He looked more or less like he'd been through a bad game, the whole team working in tandem had managed to get him out before Riko could get to him.

For all their efforts, Moreau was more than a tad bit ungrateful. The foxes were used to not having their efforts appreciated. 

He submitted to checking from Abby and he wore the new clothes and he ate the dinner that he was served, though he wrinkled his nose at the buttery mashed potatoes.

He said nothing. The look in his eyes said it all for him.

Andrew knew this look. Neil knew it too, it was the look of someone who was about to run. 

Andrew sat in Abby's living room, reading a book when he heard the soft footsteps coming down the stairs. Moreau, right on schedule.

“Midnight snack?” Andrew asked.

“I was- uh- I was using the restroom.” Jean stumbled. He was a an unexpectedly bad liar.

Andrew shook his head and smiled. “No you're not. The bathroom's upstairs.”

“Oh.”

Andrew put his book down. “I'm going to make you a hot chocolate.”

“You don't have t-”

“No.” Andrew said. “I'm going to.”

Jean's mouth snapped shut and he followed Andrew to the kitchen.

“Do you like hot chocolate, Jean?” Andrew poured the milk into the saucepan and turned on the heat.

“I haven't had it since I lived in France.” Jean.

“You might be disappointed with this then, Neil tells me French hot chocolate is like, 10 times better than American.”

“Most French versions of things are better than American versions of things.” Jean said, wrinkling as Andrew added the chocolate mix.

“I'd argue with you but I've never been outside the U.S.” Andrew said, stirring slowly.

Jean hummed thoughtfully and leaned back to sit on the counter.

“How did you know I was going to try to run?” Jean asked. 

“Years of being screwed over have given me more than a few trust issues. They come in handy now and again. Besides, you were kind of obvious about it.” Andrew said “You didn't complain about the quality of our food at all.”

“Do you really eat like that every day?” Jean grimaced.

“You get used to it.” Andrew said, retrieving mugs from the pantry. 

Jean sighed. “I dont know what I was thinking. I don't even have anywhere to go.”

Andrew said nothing as he poured the hot chocolate into the mugs. “Do you want marshmallows?”

Jean frowned.

“I'm going to give you marshmallows.” Andrew said, rummaging around in the pantry.

“Why does your cup have so much less than mine?” Jean asked as Andrew placed a conservative seven mini marshmallows in Jean's cup. Andrew grabbed a handful of marshmallows and plopped them into his mug. “Oh.” He looked away in a semblance of disgust. “Why haven't you had a heart attack yet?” 

“Good genes I guess.” Andrew shrugged “Only good thing I ever got from my parents. Drink your hot chocolate.”

Jean took a sip.

Andrew took a sip as well and let the warmth spread through his chest. 

“I see what Kevin saw in you.” 

Andrew raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“You... care.” Jean said simply. “And you apparently keep your promises. Which is something that Riko never did.”

Andrew shrugged a shoulder. “I hate to tell you this, but plenty of people care and keep their promises. You just have a shitty frame of reference.”

“Not like you do. It's…” Jean thought hard for a few seconds. “Agh. It makes more sense in French.”

They drank in silence, Andrew quicker than Jean, though they both had clean cups after some time.

“So. Are you still going to run?” Andrew asked.

“Would you let me?” 

Andrew shrugged “I'm not the boss of you. You're free to do what you want”

Jean looked dumbstruck “I'm … free.”

“Yep.” Andrew popped the _ p. _

“Oh.” Jean said softly. 

Then he turned around, and went back upstairs.

 

* * *

 

Andrew had managed to get the team to night practice most nights of the week. It wasn't about  _ making sure the team was doing it's best _ like Kevin thought, it was about having every member of the team where he could see them, and making sure that none of them got hurt. 

Riko Moriyama wasn't laying a finger on his team.

Besides, even though practice was the actual worst, the team had ways of making it worth his while.

For one thing, Kevin was letting him eat ice cream. The smoking was still a point of much debate, but Andrew still did most of that on the roof.

For another thing, Neil had moved in with him. Aaron had switched with him, something about  _ getting tired of Neil being around all the time when he doesn't even live here _ .

(Andrew suspected that it was really because Aaron didn't want to be the only straight guy in the dorm room.)

Oh, that was a new development too, after Kevin told the team the whole story about him and Wymack, he had tacked on a short, sweet “ohandalsoI'mbisexualandIdontwanttotalkaboutit” and got back to detailing his plans for the USC match. Money had exchanged hands and nothing else was said.

Kevin was doing well. He was drinking less, he was smiling more, he was less pale. He and Dan had apparently wordlessly decided that they were going to be insta-siblings. Dan, Kevin, Wymack, and Abby disappeared on Sunday nights to have dinner at one of the campus eateries.

Kevin was still, however, a tremendous hardass. He ran practice like a drill sergeant. Andrew did not like it. 

The USC game came quickly, and the foxes were ready. They brought their A-game.

Meeting Jeremy Knox however, the foxes found that they hadn't needed to.

Andrew looked the roster up and down and snorted. “Where's the rest of it?”

Jeremy Knox grinned like he was the fucking sun. “That's it.”

Kevin voiced everyone's thoughts. “You'll lose tonight if you play like this.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Should be fun either way, right? I don't remember the last time I was this psyched for a game!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Andrew cut in before Knox said whatever annoying, chipper thing he was going to say next. It was less about interrupting Knox and more about tamping down on the hungry smile threatening to curve Kevin's lips. That wouldn't do. “Get to your undersized team.”

The foxes dispersed in the locker room as Knox left, but Andrew caught Kevin's arm.

“You looked awfully interested in Knox.” Andrew said darkly.

“I said I didn't want to talk-” Kevin thought this was about him being into guys. That wasn't it at all.

“I could care less about you liking dick, Kevin, this is about the girlfriend you seem to have forgotten about.”

Kevin's mouth opened and closed. He looked like a fish. Andrew almost laughed. “What does this have to do with Thea?” Kevin asked.

“You tell me.” Andrew shrugged. “I suggest getting your affairs in order before starting any new ones.”

Kevin frowned “I'm not cheating on Thea.”

Andrew laughed, a bladed thing “Are you even sure that you're still dating her? When was the last time you talked to her?”

“That's none of your business.” Kevin practically growled.

“You're right, it's not. But it should be yours.” Andrew walked away.

/////

The game against USC was a slaughter. Both sides played hard, but the extra practices had turned the foxes into a machine. There was a distinct lack of injuries, which was a welcome change. Still, it didn’t mean that the Trojans were easy to beat.

At the end of the game, Andrew wanted to collapse onto the ground, but the foxes had won. Neil was grinning hard and running towards the goal, Andrew walked to meet him halfway.

“We did it! We’re headed to finals!” Neil said. His words held the tension of a double meaning. Finals meant that the foxes were headed to fight the ravens.

Andrew knew he had to think about it but it was kind of hard with the crowd cheering and Neil staring at him like he had hung the moon.

“Yeah.” Andrew confirmed. “We are”

Jeremy Knox was kind while shaking hands, but he gripped Andrew's hand a little too hard to be friendly.

“I need to talk to you after the game.” Andrew said. Jeremy raised an eyebrow, confused, but gestured to the Trojans bench.

“What do you know about Jean Moreau?” Andrew asked.

Jeremy crossed his arms. He made the gesture look non-threatening “He's tall, French, and a damn good backliner. Why?”

“Well he's looking to join a different line up, and he's not really interested in us.” Andrew said “I was thinking you might want to offer before any other teams catch wind of the information.”

“Um… yeah. Yes! Yes, thank you!” Jeremy started as Andrew started to walk away.

“Do you have Kevin's number?” Andrew asked, though he already knew the answer. Jeremy nodded. “Then I was never here.”

 

* * *

 

The reckoning came three days later.

Thea Muldani was a hurricane in six-inch platforms. Thea Muldani was a heavily made-up tsunami. Thea Muldani was headed straight to Kevin. Andrew braced for impact.

She walked right up to him during practice. This wouldn’t have been remarkable if Kevin hadn’t stopped what he was doing and scrambled to remove his helmet like it was choking him.

Activity on the court stopped. Dan's voice could be heard

“Is that Thea fucking Muldani?”

Andrew was by his side in a moment. He couldn't let Kevin die, not today anyway.

Thea, instead of murdering Kevin, pulled pulled out her phone, a small text conversation was displayed on the screen. It was too small for Andrew to read, but Kevin apparently knew exactly what it said.

“Explain.” She said. Her voice echoed off the plexiglass.

Kevin let out a squeak.

“Explain.” She repeated. “You didn't call. You didn't write. I had to find out you hand was broken  _ through the news _ , I had to find out who broke it through Jean. I found out that you had found your dad through a text notification. And now you want to talk?”

Kevin opened his mouth, the look on his face said that he was about to say something stupid.

“I love you.”

There it was.

Thea's phone clattered to the floor.

Her cheeks flushed. Whether from anger or from Kevin was yet to be determined. She quickly recovered and picked her phone up. The rest of the foxes were not so quick. They waited with bated breath for what would happen next. Andrew made eye contact with Nicky who mouthed a quick  _ oh my god _ at him

“I love you too.” Thea choked out, her voice pitched higher than it has been before, a pleased surprise coloring her words. She held out the phone at Kevin. “That's still not a good excuse. It doesn't explain anything. Also, if we're being honest? Kind of manipulative, not gonna lie.”

Kevin nodded solemnly. “I know, I understand, I wasn't trying to manipulate you.” His face morphed into a soft sort of half smile that Andrew had never seen on his face before. It made him look younger, somehow, happier. “I just saw you walking up to me and I… I wanted to say it.”

Thea opened her mouth. Closed it when she realized she was starting to smile too. Took a deep breath and tamped it down. Opened her mouth again. “Explain.”

“Let's maybe step off court first?” Kevin asked.

Thea raised an eyebrow “Step off the court? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?” nonetheless, she obliged, and Kevin followed.

“Boyfriend?” The voice could have either belonged to Nicky or Dan. Andrew didn't turn to check.

Kevin turned to look at him before leaving the court. Andrew nodded and said nothing else.

 

* * *

 

The Thea shock had taken a bit to wear off, by the time she left, Kevin had a schedule of times to call her, a date set up in June, and several marks on his neck that he refused to talk about.

All of the other foxes were a little starstruck, even Nicky and Aaron, it’s not every day a living legend pays you a visit.

But still, bit by bit, the only record of Thea Muldani left with the foxes were the two hours on Saturday nights that Kevin spent talking to her.

It was a cold crisp morning when Andrew saw the limousine in the parking lot. He was looking out the window to see if Neil had turned the corner yet. The limousine was sleek and clean with tinted windows. There was a matte raven embossed onto the hood. 

Neil was out on a run.

Andrew ran.

He strode out to the limousine and knocked on the window.

The window rolled slowly down to reveal a bespectacled Ichirou Moriyama. He slowly removed the glasses and placed them in a velveteen case.

“Hello, Mr. Minyard.”

Andrew steeled himself, slipped into the last cold edge of himself he hadn't shaken off. “Ichirou Moriyama. Lord Moriyama now, isn’t it? I'm not sure whether I should offer condolences or congratulations.”

The young lord smiled with what seemed like genuine amusement. “Offer whatever you want, I'm not here for you.”

Andrew kept his tone light, conversational. “Who are you here for? I didn't think you had any business with the foxes.”

Ichirou smiled “Well. Considering three of my assets have made their homes here at Palmetto, I think you'd be mistaken.”

Andrew let out a laugh. Short, loud, bladed. “ _ Three _ assets? I think you'd better re-check your math.”

“Jean Moreau, Kevin Day, Nathaniel Wesninski. That's three. I may not have an eidetic memory, but I do know how to count.” The threat was small, barely there, really, but Ichirou's smile, serene and passive, hammered it home.  _ We know all about you. We could make you disappear, right here, right now _ . Andrew did not flinch.

“Neil? I think he stopped being your asset the moment you told your people to kill him. You don't get to throw something away and then claim we're stealing it when we fish it out of the trash.”

“Well it doesn't really matter what you think does it? Nathaniel owes us millions.”

“And you're killing him instead of setting up a repayment plan because?”

Ichirou said nothing.

“As for Kevin, I don't think you ever owned him.”

“Oh, and the money we spent on clothing, feeding, housing, training him?” Ichirou asked.

“Was your legal responsibility.” Andrew replied.

Ichirou laughed. “I can't tell if you're joking or not. We're not a charity. When we give something, we expect it to be paid back. With interest.”

“Oh, is the interest getting the shit beat out of you?” Andrew asked. His tone hadn't changed. He could have very well been talking about the weather.

“I don't control what the butcher's people do, but they have been dealt with, I assure you.” Ichirou shrugged.

“And what about Riko?”

“What about him?”

“He's damaged your assets plenty, after Neil went to the nest-”

Ichirou considered. “Yes, the ravens can be a bit… hostile to outsiders, but you can't prove my brother had anything to do with Wesninski or Moreau”

“And Kevin.”

Ichirou let out a laugh. “Didn't you hear? Skiing accident.”

“Riko's unstable. One day he's going to slip up. Publicly, and you're not going to be able to brush that one off.”

Ichirou's eyes narrowed. “That sounds like a threat.”

“It's not. It's a measured prediction.” Andrew said it quickly, but not too quickly. He wasn't a threat yet. “Why haven't you tried to kill Neil yet? I'm not saying you should, but I assumed that would be your next plan of action.”

“I'm waiting for him to prove he's more trouble than he's worth. He hasn't told the FBI anything, which implies a certain amount of…” Ichirou's lips curved upwards “... brand loyalty.”

“They're going pro. All of them.” Andrew said. A strange non-sequitur, but Ichirou understood what he meant.

“Eighty percent of their salaries”

Andrew barked out a laugh “Thirty percent.”

Ichirou's turn to laugh “Sixty.”

Andrew frowned “Forty.”

Ichirou scowled. “Fifty.”

“Forty five.”

“Fifty. I'm not budging.”

Andrew stared Ichirou down and Ichirou only stared back.  _ There is nothing stopping this man from having me shot right here and now _ . “Fine. But if Riko harms any of them, they're free.” he spat out.

Ichirou's smile was back. “Glad we could come to an agreement. I'll take what you said about my brother into consideration.” He rolled up his window and the car sped off.

Andrew watched the car disappear onto the road and stared at the spot where it had vanished for a few minutes.

“Andrew?” Came a voice from around the corner. Neil.

“Get Kevin and Jean, we have to talk. Now.”

 

* * *

 

Hell. That's what the week leading up to the finals were. Hell.

Every minute that Andrew wasn't spending asleep or in class, he was on court, everyone was on court. He was having dreams about exy (which, no matter what Neil said, was not cute under any circumstances). 

Finally the day of the game came. 

The foxes faced the bus ride to edgar allen with silence. There was none of the pre-game banter that usually accompanied long rides.

There were press waiting for them as soon as they arrived. Dan turned to Neil and pointed a warning finger.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I’m not going to say anything.” Neil reassured her.

“Good.”

Entering the stadium, Andrew was surrounded by sound. Boos, mostly. He didn’t quite have time to care, but he did find a familiar face in the crowd. 

“Nicky.” He said, and pointed. “Look.”

Nicky did. “Oh my god.” And suddenly he was smiling like Andrew had never seen him do before “Erik!” He ran over to say hi.

Andrew smiled and shook his head. He waited for everyone in the locker room as he geared up.

Neil walked into the room and looked at Andrew with a grim smile, and in that moment, Andrew knew. 

They were going to win.

 

* * *

 

After the game, and the celebrations, a man went up to Neil, said something softly and left.

“What was that,” Andrew said coming up beside him.

“I have to go.” Neil said “Just for a minute,”

Andrew looked back at where the man had left. “Do you want me to go with you?”

Neil shook his head.

“Okay.”Andrew conceded.

“Okay?” Neil asked.

Andrew pulled Neil in for a slow, soft kiss. Far slower and softer than he would have let himself be a month or two ago.

“Just make sure.” Andrew said, when he pulled back. “That you come back to me.”

Neil smiled and nodded.

 

* * *

 

**(Thanksgiving)**

“Switch!” Dan called as she ran around the taped square in the kitchen. 

“What?” Allison protested “No fair, we just switched like a minute ago!”

“Too slow,” Kevin grinned, pushing past her.

“Aw, shit, no go zone.” Will muttered. “No go zone!” she announced to the rest of the foxes in the kitchen.

“Okay, so someone stir that sauce or it’s going to boil over!” Nicky reminded.

“On it.” Wymack said, moving to the bubbling pot.

Andrew got an easy job, he was just watching pasta boil. Will was trying very very hard to lattice a pie. She looked up and saw him looking, she shot him a little wave.

He watched the rest of the kitchen. Matt made faces over the cake batter at Dan. Aaron tried in vain to pretend he wasn’t looking at Katelyn. Nicky was checking on the turkey. He was wearing his wedding ring. Wymack was very unsuccessfully trying to keep the pot from boiling over so Kevin, eyes rolling, pushed him to the side to stir the pot, while Abby watched them from the oven next to Nicky. Allison gabbed about something to Renee, who had opted out of cooking for the night, and was sitting on the counter. Andrew made eye contact with Neil, who was chopping vegetables, and shot him a smile. Neil smiled back and returned to chopping, smile unmoving.

A year ago, in an easthaven room with no feeling in his legs, he wouldn’t have dreamed that something like this could happen. Hell, a year ago, he wouldn’t even have thought to.

How lucky he was, Andrew thought, that he ended up with a family like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this fic has been something I've been working on for over a year now, and along the way I never expected all the kind words and support that you all have given me, and I just wanted to say thank you for sticking with me and this fic, through the short chapters and erratic update schedules and the fic that ended up being five chapters longer than was expected. Thank you, all of you, old readers that have been here from day one, or new readers, clicking on this fic for the first time. I'm really glad you all have taken the time to read this, so thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Please Please Please leave kudos and comments if you liked it.


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